A
male
age
36-40,
*uy-2011
writes:ive been with my gf for 9 years.. i finally asked her to marry me, this was 2 years ago. we have been looking at venues to get married now on the net, pricing things and that. then we went to look at a venue, it was rubish, so we stopped at another on way home from that one. she said it was amazing and its THE PLACE. then 2 days later she told me to drop off something at her house (we still live separate at our parents houses, the plan was to finish uni - (im 25), she said she wanted to have a good future, so we agreed that i went to uni and tried to get a stable job, then when im finished 2 years time, we get house,married then kids, everything was so exciting. we were both excited about our future) so i go to her house to drop sumink off, then there was a letter... saying how she dont want to be with me. saying how she let everyone down, and that she loves me as a brother and just dont feel the spark. she said when she looked at wedding venue she just didn't feel that spark. i called her that evening and she cryed, i asked her if this is it and if she is breaking up with me? she wouldn't say yes. just said she dont know etc, it was like 2 minute call b4 she said bye and hung up. its been 5 days now since then. i just dont understand. she DEFINATLY hasn't cheated on me. we have sex regulary, we just do everything together. i always buy her flowers, cook her meals and that, do everything romantic i can possibly do.. i just dont know why she has suddenly said this.. everything was going perfect untill this. can anyone help me, with advice.. i love her lots, (thought she loved me) 9 years together is a long time to suddenly say she dont love me - only as a brother.... i just dont understand.
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male
reader, guy-2011 +, writes (21 March 2011):
guy-2011 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for your comments people. i think that i will ignore her for a few more days, i did tell her i would give her time to think about how she feels, (yet i know she musta been finking this for ages) it was her that wanted to get engaged, and her that wanted to get married. its soo hard to explain it all. she is extremely good looking, and i think im very handsome too.. i thought of us as the good looking couple. there definatly attraction.. there cant NOT be. i keep saying it, cos if she finds me attractive, and loves me like a brother? i just dont get it. she definatly hasn't cheated, im 100% sure... but b4 i read a msg on her facebook from some ugly bloke saying "i had to get up to tell you i just cant stop finking about you"- i spoke to her about it, she deleted him from facebook, and i found him and asked him y he cant stop finking bout her, and he said they were just chatting, and he had a crush on her since school.(but he was propper ugly n fat, so she would NEVER go for him- i fink she lapped up the attention of sum1 new) so maybe she is talking to sum1 on facebook- i know it wont be that bloke again!. like it is new,fresh exciting, and its made her change her feelings for me? but no pysical stuff would of happened. but at the end of the day, if its true love, it will be forever. its hard cos we are best mates. my only mate. but thanks for your comments.
A
male
reader, garcypher +, writes (21 March 2011):
I sympathi.se with you, friend. Me and my wife have just broken up after five years together. I was the best thing since sliced bread when we got together and got married, then months after she changed and said she didn't love me in that way anymore. It is devastating and in its own way worse than a bereavment. It turned out my wife was cheating promiscuously. Sometimes you don't have to do anything wrong, people simply change their minds for many different reasons. I found that once it happens there is nothing you can do but move on, as hard as it is. I went through all kinds of turmoil. Some people are very fickle all their lives and can never settle down. Sometimes it can be something simple that puts them off you, but most of the time there is a third party. Let her go as I had to do with my wife. There really is no other answer if she said she doesn't love you any more.
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Hey. I'm sorry you are going thru this. It must be so hard.You have been together since you were teenagers, perhaps she wants to try something new. She has either been feeling it for a while or she just realised that you have both had your time. You haven't done anything wrong. She didn't want to lead you on any longer.I think you need to sit down and have a chat. If it's what she wants you need to respect that. So you can move on and not beat yourself up.I hope this helps
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09  +, writes (21 March 2011):
every individual is strange in their own right. her actions were and are very strange. i really think that she wasn't ready for marriage judging what i read though. i think that she was kind of numb to the relationship and then when you proposed it finally hit her. she wasn't reedy for that chapter of her life. if it means anythingm i think she relaly loved you because she tried to force herself to marry you. if it is love, she willreturn.
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