A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:say your partner who swears they love you was to do something again and again,knowing its a deal breaker and will end the relationship when caught,then wont own up,or start making you out to be paranoid or calling you emotionaly abusive when its been seen by your own eye several times,and sometimes blame you for sending them there throu your own failings in the relationship. Then after ending the relationship,they take it so bad,are really heartbroken,but still wont mention what they did. You know you love the person,end up back,only to find its still happening,never even stopped, again and again over several years. Is this an illness or are you simply being made a fool of? Obviously,we are talking something that points to a form of cheating over the internet.Can someone who fears losing you carry on if they really want to be with you.I am really wondering if this is a double personality who believes they are innocent.
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female
reader, lucky lynne  +, writes (22 March 2011):
 It sounds more like you are addicted to being treated that way. Of course she will know what she did,she knows she gets away with it,nothing more. Why do you think she wont talk about it? Well you could go,stay and sufferor even stay and do just the same as she is always doing. I bet anything she`ll want to talk about that. I bet you may even get a violent reaction.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): Nothing wrong with her,she simply wants to cheat,knows she can,always will. This is the characteristics of a narcissist (look it up). If or more likely when you catch her red handed doing something,you may experience aggression,blame or throw a long list of wrongs you did. Look up her past relationships and find out whether she cheated. If she did,then the pain of leaving will be nothing like the pain of staying.
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A
female
reader, muso888 +, writes (21 March 2011):
I agree with all the other posters here. Do you really want to stay in this relationship, even if the 'symptoms' stop? This has become poisonous - by taking her back over and over even after a breakup she now can't and won't take you seriously. I know this kind of relationship, it will break you down so much you won't recognise yourself. Or maybe this is already the case?
I think if you really want to, you should give her one last chance with the same thing that the poster below stated - this is your last chance. I will walk.
And if you do this you HAVE to leave, and you have to not take them back no matter what she says or how badly she takes it. Do it for yourself - you will never be happy in a relationship where loving someone else makes you hate yourself and hate them. Tell her - YOU did this to yourself. Deal with it.
Good luck sweetheart, I really wish you all the best. Let us know how you get on!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): "Is this an illness or are you simply being made a fool of?"
Could be either, or both, or neither.
Sometimes it isn't a game at all, only a mental illness. I've seen this second hand, my brother married someone who has Bipolar Disease (diagnosed after marriage and children) which manifested itself in a severe break.
Talk about confusion and chaos. She thought he left her for a month, was out of the country for 4 weeks on vacation - and told a whole bunch of people this - (he was out of country working full time non-stop, sent there by his company, for a week and was back), and lots of other stuff, and it went on, and on, and on.
Only a doctor, and sometimes it takes a whole raft of them, can figure this out.
It nearly bankrupted my brother, destroyed 20 years of work and financial stability, and it wasn't the wife's fault either, the illness essentially "destroyed" the person we knew as her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): WHOA! It sounds like you are involved with the SAME person I am married to! Hahaha. No kidding! Well, all I CAN tell you is this: My wife behaves right along those very lines you mentioned in your post. Quite a description! MY advice to you is to SHOW your honey the proof when and if you HAVE it, so there can be NO denying what it is you SAW with your own eyes. That's just what I did. ALSO, my wife has mental illness such as bipolar 1 and also some other issues. But most cheaters play the blame game, and that is sadly typical. IT IS NOT ALL YOUR FAULT NO MATTER WHAT GARBAGE IS TOLD YOU!! I have been in therapy and it disgusts me. I am NOT a cheater, never was and never will be, but I am the one in therapy! Good lord! I think it's totally backwards that the one with the ETHICS and GOOD judgement is the one seeking help for self improvement! Hahaha. MY wife is seeing that she nearly threw away her marriage and her future for someone who she doesn't really love and doesn't love her back. She knows she has a good thing with me and she nearly screwed it all up forever. So when and if you have proof of your nasty findings, SHOW them to your partner and say THIS IS GOING TO END NOW. OR I AM DONE. BUT you have to STICK to the things you say. Don't make idle threats. A deal breaker is a deal breaker. If you don't take it seriously, your partner won't. YOU have to tell your partner: IF YOU DO THOSE THINGS, I WILL NOT BE WITH YOU. I WILL TAKE ANY MORE REPEATED SNEAKY BEHAVIOR AS A DIRECT DESIRE TO END THIS RELATIONSHIP AND I WILL LEAVE YOU. Don't let your partner tell you that you are a control freak. You aren't trying to control every aspect of your partner's life. You are just trying to control your own life, how you are going to live your life and what you do and don't want in it. If your partner cannot land on common ground about that, then it doesn't make you a control freak. You aren't asking for too much. Tell your partner to grow up and start taking responsibilty for the actions. We all have to do that in life. Part of being an adult.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): No double personality. A double life at the same time taking you for a push over.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 March 2011):
 Sorry but if you are allowing a deal breaker not to break the deal, and allowing it to occur repeatedly, then I think you are making YOURSELF a fool.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2011): I think its someone simply believing they wont get caught this time. More of a piss taker. I imagine this is happening to you right now. You may have to move on or you face lots of unhappy years. Dont try and work out the problem,you never will. Work out your own life without that person in it.
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