A
male
age
41-50,
*reamlover
writes:Help Needed 8 years later I'm a Gay man who is with my first guy for 8 years, after the second year i decided to go to France to meet someone else, it was hard but i told my partner that i was not happy and why i was not happy, 6 years later we in the UK for about a year when an old email pal from about 6 years met up with me, i feel in love with this person who is like 6 years my junior, problem is he reminded me of who i was 6 years ago and how far i have travelled from my plans and ambitions. It was like talking to a mirror image of myself which i loved.We had mutual feeling and spent at least tw night together and it was like i found a third half to me,,,, i was so confused and hurt and i did not knwo what to do.I spoke to my partner and told him that i have fallen for someone else and that i was in love with him, i never told him that we slept together. The mere fact that i was able to fall in love with someone else after 8 years hurt me, it means to me that my partner still did not capture my heart and that i was still in my soul searching, we have houses and dogs and a whole life that we built, how could i just fall for someone else.The person i fell for did not want a relationship right now but loves me, and i understand he has his studies etc, for me alarm bells rang cos i realized that i was not happy in my relationship.I love my partner but i feel incomplete, i have to always take control of everything, i have spoken to him on several occassions and it just does not seem to make me feel whole. I know his trying but for how much longer can i turn a blind eye?I thought about staying in the UK and leaving my partner and just continue studying and doing what i want with no responsibility. Even my family rely on me, but i feel its wrong to have had a life for 8 years and then just walk away from it and leave my partner to go back home and sort everything out.Help , is it time for me to move on, i dont knwo if i have the strength for this!!!
View related questions:
ambition, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dreamlover +, writes (16 May 2009):
Dreamlover is verified as being by the original poster of the question Your answer makes perfect sense and i am tired of been the one responsible for everything, but im 28 and i have given him the best part of 8 years and i feel like he dropped me the most when i needed him. Im cold towards him now, im scared to let him in. Scared he might hurt me again, scared he might not be able to love me the way i need and if i try t make it work then i live i lie and another 8 years later i find im still not happy?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): I feel that you should tidy things up at home with your man of 8 years. Maybe the problem is that your relationship has run a little stale. That's not to say that you do not love him. Just that life has become a little boring. Sometimes the grass somewhere else seems greener just because the grass you're standing in is long.
You and your man should at least remain friends and part on the best terms possible. It sounds as though you have just had enough of being the one responsible for everything. Maybe you do need a new location, not necessarily apart, just a new fresh start for you both.
You may just be chasing something that doesn't exist, which could result in you regretting ending things badly with your man.
I hope everything works out and that you do find happiness, either with your man of 8 years or with someone new. Either way he needs treating with respect and compassion after all he has done nothing wrong, it's just that you are questioning what life has to offer.
...............................
A
female
reader, summerslady21  +, writes (15 May 2009):
Only you can make that decision you have to be happy too! You owe him yes but only happiness. It takes a lot to get where you and your mate were! And I know it will be hard but you have to do what is best would you rather go back and live a lie? That is one thing that will hurt him more. I mean you have already told him how you feel and that is not the same but going back may give him the wrong idea on where you two stand! Take time sweetheart you need it!
...............................
A
male
reader, Dreamlover +, writes (15 May 2009):
Dreamlover is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you, im still in the UK, should i not go back at least to sort out the life we built? the two houses that we bought, the family that relies on me so much? Dont i at least owe him that? I wanted to stay and make it work on my own but i feel guilty for leaving
...............................
A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (15 May 2009):
After 8 years and you're not happy! Hum.... Maybe alittle time apart is the best. You have to be happy to make others happy so this means neither one of you are happy! I agree it is hard to just walk away from a life you have built but being unhappy is worse! I think that you follow your heart do what's best for you and your mate! I feel you do need to find yourself and take time for you!
...............................
|
