A
female
age
30-35,
*ittensandink
writes:Hello, i really would like some advice. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months and the whole time he has had no income and hasn’t been studying or attempting anything really. I have two jobs, looking for another, live away from home and am a university student. I am independent and i am paying for everything, food when he stays here food we eat at his house, every time i want to go somewhere, i have to pay, and i feel as if i may start to be resenting the fact that he doesn’t have any motivation to do anything with his life. We are both 18, he didnt finish school and has never had a job, he doesnt even have a bank account. I’ve considered setting a date and if he hasnt made any progress by then, that i should end our relationship. I i think thats harsh and i feel like i put such an emphasis on money but i cant help it, i have enough trouble looking after myself. I’ve talked about it to him so many times, i’ve even applied for jobs online for him, he tries for a bit and then just gives up again, i think about this constantly and i have absolutely no idea what i should do.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 YOU'VE applied for jobs for HIM?
RUN FOREST RUN!
honey if he's not in school and he's not working then his personality is such that he's NOT a go-getter...
if he is not pulling his weight... he never will....
no date.
just tell him that you have to end it... you can't have a man who is not willing to work and better himself..
YOU can't bet he money train.....
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Seems to me you are more like his mother and gravy train then his GF. You fill out his applications too? With you "enabling" him why would he even WANT to go get a job?
Sorry, I would dump him, he needs to grow up! He is not going to change any time soon.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Oh my God PLEASE listen to what the other posters have said! I JUST broke off a 15 month relationship because of this very reason. DO NOT allow yourself to go into any financial debt because of someone who is lazy and unmotivated. And you CAN NOT change them. They must want to change themselves. TRUST ME! And you're very young--please please please wait for someone who is as willing to put in as much effort as you into the relationship or you will forever regret and resent who you are currently with.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 Don't even set a date, ship out now : this is not a boyfriend, this is a bad, expensive habit. Think of breaking up as if you were quitting smoking.
This is not about money, this is about a personality/ life vision clash- I don't think anybody would accuse you of being materialistic for not wanting to take on board an unrepentant underachieving never-do-well.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 This isnt just about money - this is about ambition, motivation...all of which have an impact on his personality and your compatiblity.
To put it simply - he cannot bum around forever and take money off you for the rest of his life, that isnt a relationship - he is just a sponger taking what he can. Yes it is wrong to focus on money, money isnt everything - but equally, you need money to live, and you are only a student and shouldnt be supporting another person at your age.
It says a lot about a person's character if they are willing to bum around not even looking for a job and not caring about their future - you cant plan a future with someone like this as you will always be stuck in this rut with him.
I imagine you will want to buy a house one day, maybe get married and have kids? You need to meet someone who wants the same things as you, and shares the same values as you to achieve these things. A man who doesnt care about having a job or earning any money cannot be part of a relationship where you want to buy a house, get married etc because he has to pay his share too.
So if he is the type of person that is happy to be lazy their entire life, never work and never achieve anything it is clear that he is totally different to you and therefore you are not compatible in that respect.
I think you are more than right to want to end the relationship, you want different things from life therefore you can never be happy together.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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