A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I have a situation that has been really bothering me and I need some help because I dunno if I'm overreacting or am I right for being upset.. ok so I'm living in a house with my boyfriend and two other roomates. Its been going ok, but now my roomates cousin needs a place to live and she invited him to live here..I'm a black women and her cousin is white with those nazi Swastika signs on his body..She said he's not racist anymore, but I just feel very uncomfortable being around him..I think I want to move out but I don't know if my boyfriend will be upset or not..Do you all think I'm overreacting?
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (9 January 2012):
 the guy might be changed he might not. Youd hafta see his behavior as proof not just words and to see his behavior is a risk. Racism is a very serious issue.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (9 January 2012):
 I totally understand how you feel. I would have questions if I were in your position.
I think the best next step is to ask why the cousin was racist, and what made him no longer be a racist.
I know that some people grow up in racist or homophobic or bigoted families and are a product of their upbringing UNTIL a huge life-altering moment happens in their life that causes them to become horrified at the way they used to be and dedicated to not ever being that way anymore.
If you can't get a clear or satisfactory answer as to why he's no longer racist, then of course you would be uncomfortable. He apparently felt strongly enough at one point in his hate that he had permanent tattoos inked.
If you can't get a clear and good answer, then it's your boyfriend who should be worried that the cousin's presence would upset you. It might be possible that your boyfriend will feel uncomfortable FOR you and be with you 100%.
But you aren't overreacting in the least! Hopefully the cousin can put you at ease that the very thought of returning to the hatred and the past is sickeningly abhorrent to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2012): Are you saying that you have the right to tell this person what to think?
Wars have been fought to give people the freedom of speech, thought and action. Provided your safety is not compromised, his views are of no concern to you.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (9 January 2012):
No! People do change and he could have been young and stupid and ran with some Neo-Nazi crew. But I don't think you are overreacting, but I do think your roommate should be a little more sensitive about it and I think your boyfriend would understand how you feel. I don't know how "not racist anymore" he is unless he went through something from American History X, but I think you have every right to be concerned.
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