A
male
age
,
*yburr
writes:I'm 52 and divorced with three daughters ages 21, 18, 17. I have been seeing a 20 year old woman. My daughters think this is very bad. The 20 year old wants me to choose her over my daughters. I broke it off with the 20 year old because of my daughters but now I'm unhappy and resent my daughters. Why can't we all just get along?
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (27 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI misstated the 20 year olds position. My daughters said I should stop seeing her. I still wanted to see her. The 20 yo said I could chose to do what my daughters want me to do and be unhappy or choose to be with her and be happy. She didn't say to choose her over my daughters.
A
male
reader, cyburr +, writes (27 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all of you for your help! I stated earlier that I didn't seek her out. She contacted me. And she had a fantasy for older men because she watched a porn video with an older man and younger women. She also brought a dvd to my place that we watched 'Somethings got to give' with Jack Nickleson. It's about the same scenario. Older man younger woman.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2013):
 I've gotta state the obvious here -- what the hell is wrong with women in their 50's?? Why do you have to search for women 20-30 years younger than you are for kicks?? The stigma of 50-something women will never be directly or indirectly applauded by myself.
Why do you, OP, *have* to find women who are young enough to be your daughter? How would you feel if at 52, you suddenly came up against a societal notion that you are disqualified from any relationship, physical, emotional, or otherwise? You were told that no girl would like the way you look, wouldn't be interested in you, and that only your 20 or 30 year old counterparts could ever be desirable, leaving you to live out the rest of your days in frustrated, celibate silence?
You need to stop using women as ego boosters and consider investing in an honest-to-god relationship with someone a lot more relatable to you.
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 She obviously had some issues and encouraging her in her promiscuity is not going to help her sought it out. Obviously your kids should be your first priority but if you care at all for the 20 year old you should leave her alone. And if you have given her this link referring to her as a slump buster (whatever that is lol) probably isn't going to boost her presumably low self esteem.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (26 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes hung up is a good description of it. Where does one find 30 and 40 yo women to have a relationship?
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (26 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe doesn't drive so I was picking her up and dropping her off. People asked what we had in common. Didn't matter to me. I didn't care for that she would watch Disney movies and Hey Arnold cartoons though.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (26 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, she was easy. She messaged me on the dating site on Tuesday, we Skyped on Wednesday and I picked her up on Thursday night for a weekend sleep over. The sex was great. And she was a lot of fun. Some might refer to her as a slump buster. Now I need a slump buster to get over my slump buster. But I don't really think of her that way. I don't have to be concerned about pregnancy as I had a vasectomy. STDs are a concern because she is so sexually active but we did use condoms for intercourse but no protection for oral sex.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 February 2013):
 OP, no offence but to me it sounds simply that you are a guy who, understandably, after a 2 or 3 years draught, needed real bad to get laid. That's where all the mystic and the magic ( and the missing ) of this situation come from. You are in the position of a starving man that eventually is invited to sit down in front of a nice dinner...only to be asked to leave the table right after the appetizer. If you had been allowed to go on, much probably you would have find yourself satiated, perhaps sick and nauseated , even before the dessert.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2013):
 OP,
you saw her for two weeks and were having sex with her and introduced her to your daughters... wow!
did the fact that she was so sexual with you so quickly not concern you?
and now a mere two weeks later she's off and running with other men... sounds to me like the young lady has self-esteem issues...
as for you and your questions... would you consider some therapy to work on those questions... maybe it will help you find a more appropriate partner.
Younger women are fine... but I tend to think that a gap of over 20 years is pretty impassable....
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2013):
She's already sleeping with someone else? Already? She's either unbelievably easy or she never stopped sleeping with other people. You might want to get yourself tested, because sleeping around like that has risks involved. You had only been with her for 2 weeks and were already sleeping with her, and now she's already sleeping with someone else. Wow.
Let me ask you a serious question -- why go for easy sex?? You have a lot going for you, why not spend some time cultivating an actual relationship? Surely your past experiences didn't cause so much baggage as to make you bitter about getting actually intimately close to someone else.
This 20-year old would have hollowed you out inside and just strengthened your aversion to true intimacy. She considered you a throw-away diversion. She's looking for an easy sugar daddy and gives sex away way too easily. You are a father of 3 women. You've lived life. You have a lot to offer someone, and I'm not talking about security or money.
Right now, you miss her like a sugar addict misses the last donut. You've not had sex in awhile and you're missing that. There are much better people out there! You should thank your daughters for stopping the madness when they did! I could see you catching herpes or having her call you and tell you she's pregnant...all the risks of recklessness.
Stop being reckless yourself! It's perfectly fine to be attracted to Asians, and it's perfectly fine to enter into a mutually beneficial FWB if both of you are fully self-aware and there's no deception on either side of the fact that there are no emotions and you're only using each other like blow-up dolls.
But there is so much more. Nothing beats truly connecting with someone. That's true happiness. Don't be afraid of that. Anything that is the best takes effort and not cutting corners or taking shortcuts, and that includes relationships. Your daughters do want to see you happy, and every one of us here can see that the ultimate road with this 20yo is not happiness. You would have been as empty as before.
The best things in life take time.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (26 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI having a hard time getting over her and letting her go. I really didn't want to stop seeing her. I don't resent my daughters anymore. I understand their point of view. But it is just wow, I really miss her. I thought it would be easy. When I stopped seeing my last girlfriend 2 or 3 years ago I didn't feel this way. And I hadn't gotten laid in the last 2 or 3 years I think. But still I miss her. She is was my first girlfriend of Asian descent and I always was attracted to Asian women. She was heavy but that didn't really bother me. She told me that guys her age don't look at her. I told her that was their loss. I think I feel this way because I really didn't want to stop seeing her. Even though it couldn't work. I remember hearing a term. Oneites? Where she is the only one. Could this also be part of my feelings? I want her back but she has already moved on and is sleeping with someone else. And I don't blame her. I had seen her for two weeks but then I told her this didn't work for me after the first time my daughters told me to stop seeing her. Then a few days later I called her up and she came over. And we were back together. Then a couple weeks later my daughters told me again to stop seeing her. So I told her I couldn't see her anymore. Then I tried to get back together with her. I know this sounds messed up but I really didn't want to stop seeing her. Maybe she would have gotten bored of me. Who knows. Maybe she wouldn't have been on the dating site all the time if I hadn't dumped her the first time. I probably should focus on moving on but looking back it was so easy to be with her. Maybe I enjoyed her immaturity. Maybe because I'm immature?
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (25 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'll admit I made mistakes in the way I handled the situation. It was the first time for me to be with a much younger woman. But not the first time for her to be with an older man. And she was on the dating site a lot. Even while she was at my place when I wasn't looking. Chalk this one up to experience.
You people are great! Thanks.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): "Well the relationship between myself and the 20 year old is off AGAIN. For whatever reason, maybe she was reading these comments as I gave her the link, she doesn't want to see me anymore."
OP what part of the word discretion don't you get? Why would you send her a link to this page and all the negative comments and your own misgivings?
Part of the reason why younger women date older guys like us is because they assume, correctly in my case, that we know what we're doing, that we know how to handle the situation and that there won't be any unnecessary drama or confusion. They date us because they want a more dominant kind of man who will take control of the situation and know what's what.
Chalk this one down as a missed opportunity.
OP even dating a woman closer to your age is going to require discretion, both in terms of your family and in terms of the fact you felt the need to turn to us for advice.
OP even introducing a middle-aged "lady friend" too soon to your daughters is going to make them territorial. You need to learn to conduct your love life privately until such a time as you make it official with that woman and you certainly don't let any new woman know any doubts or any issues you may be having in the kind of detail you got here.
Take this as a lesson learned OP. Next time don't just assume your family will "get along" with anyone and conduct your business privately until such a time you're ready to introduce a new partner to your family and friends. If you're just going to for a casual fling then they really have no business knowing.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 February 2013):
Wow, strange. She chooses you simply because she saw an older man in a porn video? Maybe Cerberus did hit pretty close with his "fetish" comments.
But if it's a fetish thing for her, and you said "It is not like the 20 year old would ever be my daughters step mom.", meaning it was a purely FWB sexual thing with no hope for it ever being a genuine relationship, then why would this 20 year old want you to drop your daughters for her?
I'm not surprised that Ms. 20 hit the road after reading this post, given that it's clear that the relationship never would have gone anywhere anyways.
So, laying that aside, OP, you have to get over resenting your daughters. It's them who will take care of you when you get older, it's them who have your best interests at heart, and it's them who love you.
My father is 15 years older than you, a strong, intelligent man who had a very successful career, retired *very* comfortably, and now is fighting for his life with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. When I was growing up, I thought he was indestructible and so did he. He came from a family in poverty and really did well for himself. Now it's me and my siblings who are taking care of him. I've taken him to the hospital at 4am, cooked for him, looked after his interests while he is in the ICU, and it's because I love him.
People like the 20-year old come and go, but family is forever. Whatever you do, protect your relationship with your daughters at all costs. Resentment leads to a breakdown in the relationship, and that is something you must never allow in yourself and your daughters. Happiness and intoxication aren't the same thing. Young girls showing interest in your is intoxicating, but your legacy is your family.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (25 February 2013):
OP,
You say that the 20 year old was only fun and games...
if that's the case why was she even exposed to your daughters at all???
Listen I'm going to be 53 next month (and I don't have a shawl nor do I know how to knit)
my husband won't be 40 till June....
even with a small gap of 13+ years we still hit weird cultural snags...
you showed her this page... what did you expect to happen?
were you hoping she would see the error of her ways (asking you to forsake your CHILDREN for a roll in the hay???) and say "oh of course I want you to choose your kids over a fun shtup with me...."
not going to happen... can you see your 21 year old being responsible enough for a child now?
use this to live and learn
you want to play with children...(and 20 is legally an adult so have fun) keep them away from your kids... it's not a play date for the kids.
I mean seriously if it's just fun and games for both of you then she should accept a couple of hours here and there... if she is demanding more time and to be around your kids, well then her motives are NOT fun and games.
the fact that she ASKED you to choose HER over your CHILDREN..... that's more than fun and games to her....
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 February 2013):
Having done some cougaring myself , I am not too worried about age differences ( although, 32 years ! wow ! ) .
What I don't get, though ,is how all this story played out.
I mean, you wanted sexual fun, and the young girl wanted sexual fun, - how do your daughters even fit in this picture, do you keep them posted about everything that goes on in your sexual life ? " so what did you do yesterday Dad ? " Oh I put on some porn and had the nicest wank ever , it was a dom/ sub one, which, as you know , it's not generally my fav, but I thought that for once etc.etc " Eeeew!
They should not have known or heard about the girl, UNLESS in time it had develop into something more, some serious relationship that they had the need and the right to be informed about . This in not hypocrisy, this is sensitivity, good taste and common sense.
Ok, I get it, you have only weekends free , so you have to cram all in it, sex and family. Well, couldn't you do half and half, saturday with the girls, sunday for " me time ", or " seeing friends ", no long expostulations necessary or volunteered ? Couldn't you say " I spend less time with you because I am sort of seeing someone, but I don't want to talk about it, because it may come to nothing so it's premature ? "
Then, what did you expect , that your daughters danced for joy !? That they would be thrilled ?! You have all the right of doing " weird " stuff, let's put it in a nicer way, non-mainstream stuff, you can date young girls. Or boys . Or trannies. You just can't demand that mainstream people, and your daughters as for that, are supportive or encouraging of your choices ! They are NOT obliged to like what you do, and they are entitled to voice their opinion, which it happens to be a negative one.
- Then again, on turn, you are NOT obliged to give them heed. You are an adult , responsible for your choices and decisions, if you really want to do something, you don't NEED a round of applauses. If shagging the young girl was so important to you, who was stopping you. Do you need your daughter's permission to change job, or move, or buy yourself a car ? No. If you think it is something that you've got to do , you do it- regardless of their input.
How's that different.
So, ultimately, the choice was yours ; if you choose to not rock the boat and give up , that was YOUR choice, so how come you are resenting your daughters ? At most you should resent yourself for not having the balls to go after what you want.
I'd have more to say... but I am running late- I must put my shawl on and go to the park to feed the duckies ! :)
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female
reader, llifton +, writes (25 February 2013):
 why would you want to be with a "woman" who wants/expects you to choose her over your daughters? you're a father. that comes first and foremost. ALWAYS.
what on earth do you want with a 20 year old??? she's a kid.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Your 20 year old girlfriend is the one who demanded you choose her over your daughters so she is the one creating the conflict.Your daughters initial reaction is normal so the burden was on your gf to either ignore them or - if she cared so much what they think or you were wanting to dump her to make peace with your kids - she should have extended the olive branch not immediately place herself as the most important person in this scenario.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Look OP, you can see the opinions of the ladies here so you can see where your daughters are coming from. But guess what OP, it's none of their business or our business and regardless of anyone's ageist view, this 20 year old isn't a naive little flower if she's trawling dating sites for a middle aged fuck buddy. She's a liberated young woman with all the sexual rights of us guys wanting to get some with an older dude, someone to fulfil a fantasy and you're not some immoral creep looking to exploit anyone or you wouldn't even be here.
I remember well when I was 20, I wasn't some dumb impressionable little boy, vulnerable because I was 20. I was solo backpacking around Europe, walking alone through the Ardennes at 3 am looking for a cosey spot to put my bedroll and go to sleep, hanging out in a Marseilles suburb with Algerians smoking weed and communicating with gestures and school level French. I have an 18 year old and 22 year old sister, neither of them are impressionable or stupid, they're adults, the 18 year old is emigrating to Australia in the summer to go to college and build a life there, on her own, with her own money.
I had a few month fling with a 39 year old woman when I was 20 and it was beyond awesome. A woman recently separated, kids at college and we had the nicest time, real cloak and daggers, James Bond kind of thing, the sex was great.
My fiancée was 19 when we started going out as I said I'm 9 years older. Most men I know gave me a high five or pat on the back for scoring a woman so young, most women gave me shit for "not finding someone my own age" or "exploiting a delicate little flower", they tried to insult her by saying she was too young to understand how relationships work, or because I'm older I will have too much power etc. Just ignorant views from small minded idiots is all those were.
My point is OP, you'll find many women who have a problem with this, apparently us older men are dirty creeps when we shag younger women but older women who do it are "awesome cougars" funny that young men aren't viewed as delicately as young women.
She sought you out, she wants a middle aged fantasy man and if it's not you it'll be someone else, frankly it sounds as if she'll be safer with you.
As far as discretion goes OP, a hotel room on a friday night, then see your daughters all weekend, or try take an hour or two off work to go meet her somewhere.
There are workarounds for this. Just make damn well sure she knows this is a no go in terms of anything other than a fling, if she doesn't like that idea don't go ahead with it.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (25 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell the relationship between myself and the 20 year old is off AGAIN. For whatever reason, maybe she was reading these comments as I gave her the link, she doesn't want to see me anymore.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is not like the 20 year old would ever be my daughters step mom.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): Let me put it this way: if my father were single and he started dating a 20 year old, I would not have much to say to him. ESPECIALLY if his 20 year old "girlfriend" wedged herself between me and him and made ultimatums.Like it or not, only creepy old dudes and perverts would condone a sexual relationship between a 50+ year old and a 20 year old. Unfortunately for you, the opinions of creeps and perverts don't hold much value or credibility in society. There are plenty of men your age that would never engaged in a sexual relationship with a 20 year old. It's called having decency and character. A healthy, balanced relationship could not come from such a large gap. And anyone that says 20 year olds are ADULTS need to think back on the time they were 20 or take a look at the majority of the population and how they think, speak and approach life at the age of 20. If they still insist they are adults mentally and emotionally, they're lying to themselves so they don't feel bad about using them sexually.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI appreciate all your comments and input and it gives me and the 20 year old a lot to think about.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): "I disagree with Cerberus regarding seeing 20 year olds in secret being the solution, because that's just using women you never intend to be serious about for sex."
Not necessarily YouWish, he hadn't even her age group listed on the website, she contacted him. I mean that is possibly the rarest thing to occur in online dating (20 year old woman propositioning a middle-aged man), the only thing rarer is a woman who doesn't get "hey baby, lookin' fine, wanna have a good time?"
I really do think this is more of a situation of discretion. That both wanted to have some fun and he didn't exercise enough discretion and his family found out.
He should have treated this like fetish situation and kept it private. Treated it in the same way as if he'd decided to start seeing a transvestite or a dominatrix to be shat on. It's not a socially accepted thing, he knew his daughters would have issue with it, he should have kept it private. I highly doubt either think a relationship is possible or will even develop. As far as a sugar daddy thing he's already shown he won't give up his family for this so she has no chance of doing that. And I honestly think if his family don't know about this then they won't care. I'm sure they just want to see him happy, and he put them in awkward position.
I also have a feeling it she didn't make an ultimatum more a "who cares what people think" scenario otherwise it would be easy to just ignore the situation as the person who makes you choose should always lose.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (24 February 2013):
Your daughters didn't give you the ultimatum. They merely gave you their opinion.
The 20-year old woman you were seeing actually suggested you cut off your daughters for her, which in my opinion is completely hideous. You were right to drop her, but it's HER you should resent, not your daughters. One of them is 17, not even an adult. What did this girl want you to do, throw them out onto the street??
What was next, telling you that your daughters didn't deserve an inheritance? If anything, this 20-year old's motives are in serious question if she actually wanted to you to stop a lifelong relationship by blood for her.
I disagree with Cerberus regarding seeing 20 year olds in secret being the solution, because that's just using women you never intend to be serious about for sex. And honestly, if a 20 year old wants you to cut off your daughters for her, she's intending to own you for life.
If you want to make a good choice of women in your life, don't allow someone to break apart your relationship with your daughters. As for your daughters telling you that dating a 20 year old is bad, just put yourself in their place. It's weird having a stepmom who is a year younger than you are. Your penis can't be the only judging factor in your happiness.
Whatever you do, don't hold this against your daughters. They love you, and maybe they can see a big problem even if you're blinded to the fact. And a 32 year age difference is pretty rough..I'd be questioning the 20-year old's motives big time, as in you're the meal ticket sugar daddy who doesn't want your time, money and attention going towards your own flesh and blood daughters.
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female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 February 2013):
Haha Cerberus I really like your brutal honesty, but you're generalizing a bit too much here. A lot of women in that age bracket may be like that, but not all, not in a long shot. Even if the OP wants someone who's younger and more energized, why not go for the 30+ age bracket? The age gap is still big, but at least those women aren't green around the gills like this young flower.
Specifically going for someone who could have been his daughter or daughter's friend is plain creepy, in my opinion. What in the world could a girl like that (apart from being naive) bring into a relationship? There's no way they can be on the same page. Being nine years older than your gf is very different from being 32 years older than your gf.
The only thing he can do to that girl is damage her. It won't end well, not even if it's just about 'fun' and feeding the ego. Or maybe I'm just vainly hoping there are still decent men out there who won't solve their midlife crisis by trying to take advantage of young girls, even if said girl contacts them first.
OP, the fact she wants you to pick her over your daughters already shows that she has issues. She wants to be the most important person in your life. That's not a healthy mindset, regardless of your daughters approval or disapproval. Get rid of her and look for someone more age appropriate. You'll get a lot more out of the relationship.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI stopped seeing her because of my daughters response to their dad seeing a 20 year old. Younger than my oldest daughter and in the same peer group as my 18 year old daughter put it. If my daughters (and ex-wife) wouldn't have objected so strongly I never would have stopped seeing her. I have just talked to the 20 year old about seeing her again and we are trying to find a way to do it discreetly.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCerberus - I wish it was easy to keep my daughters out of it. I work a lot during the week and weekends are the only time I get to see my daughters or my 20 year old friend.
iAmHereToHelpYou - I think it is 'fun' that we are both looking for. And she is a lot of 'fun'.
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female
reader, when nothing goes right go left +, writes (24 February 2013):
 If she made you choose between her and your daughters then you did the right thing in ending it but did they have good reasons to dislike her and if you don't know why they did then you need to talk to them about why they diddn't want you to be with her and then it might undetstand why they were against your relationship and then if they were justified
then it will help how you feel towards them. And you will feel happier again if you allow yourself to move on and keep yourself busy find new hobbies and meet new people and if thoughts of her pop up don't worry or dwell on them but instead gently turn your focus on to something
else and it will get easier.
Hope this helps.
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male
reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI met her on an online dating site. The reason she wants older men she says is that she has a fantasy for older men from watching a porn vide.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): OP this all depends on who made you make a choice. It's unacceptable for either your daughters or your ex to make such an ultimatum. If she did then your resentment should be directed at her and good riddance, if your daughters did then you simply shouldn't have listened, they're pretty much all adults now, entitled to an opinion but as their father they don't get to judge and make you choose the people you date based on their ageism, they're only worried about how it makes them look and not at all about what you want. It's your love life and nothing to do with them. You can smear shit all over a consenting woman and lick it off if you like, I'm sure they wouldn't approve of that either but it's none of their business, this is your love life.
OP appropriate age is 18+ in my books, no matter how old you are. Adults can date adults no matter the age gap, that's the simple truth, no matter what a person's own view on what is or is not acceptable age-wise. Besides most men I know love the idea of dating a woman so young, no matter their own age.
If you want to get back with her or find another woman that age then just keep your daughters out of it, keep it private and there's no need for an issue to arise. Whether you like it or not such an age gap is not the societal norm and you will be judged, even by your own daughters.
OP you were only seeing this woman, I don't see any reason your daughters should have known. Young women can be fun but as the others stated the likelihood of any serious and long term actually working are tiny, so a casual bit of fun is generally how this was going to play out anyway.
I do agree with the others though OP, you should have known better at you age than to expose your daughters to a 20 year old that you're seeing, you should have kept it private and had your fun in private as you knew what their reaction would be.
Next time conduct your love life more discreetly OP. Your daughters and even the posters here think you should be interested in a greying, shawl wearing woman who likes to knit and make tea while walking in the park feeding the ducks. I can tell you if I end up single again at your age the first age group I will looking to have fun with is late teens/early 20's. I'm 9 years older than my fiancée as is.
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male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (24 February 2013):
 Who gives a crap what hat they think. Do what makes you happy/ However, do not be with a woman who expects you to choose. She is a bitch.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 February 2013):
You can't get along because no mature woman would ask you to choose her over her children.....
so the fact that she asked you to give up your daughters for her was wrong.
you ended it with her (as you should have based on her request)
now you resent your daughters because you don't want to be angry with the 20 year old playtoy.
I have no issue with age gap relationships.... but even you know this one was over the top.
you need to be
angry with yourself for letting your ego make the choice to say Yes to a girl younger than one of your children...
and
angry with the 20 year old for
a. asking a man more than twice her age to go out with him. this alone should have been a red flag
and
b. asking a parent to choose a new partner over the existing children....
your anger is misplaced.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013): I'm a 20 year old seeing a 33 year old (with a 8 year old daughter) for a couple years now, so I can't judge. Love honestly doesn't choose age. If you are sure of what you both feel, go with it.
Your daughter has no say. Honestly, if your woman is nice and caring with your daughters (even if they are rude to her), she can't be blamed just because she's younger.
Yes, a 32 year gap is not common. And yes, if it was my dad, I'd be kind of creeped out. But I'd end up getting used to it. If she wants to see you happy, she is totally entitled to show her opinion, but will have to accept your girl :)
Good luck. Talk to your daughter, explain that you are happy with your girl and tell her you love her very much but that she has to consider your happiness too.
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reader, R1 +, writes (24 February 2013):
where did you really see it going with a 20 year old. As much fun as your mid life crisis is, time to move on I think...
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reader, cyburr +, writes (24 February 2013):
cyburr is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo this isn't a joke. I have a profile on an online dating site. I didn't list below 30 years of age in my search. She contacted me. I read somewhere that a rule of thumb for age limit is 1/2 + 7 years or in my case 52/2=26 and 26+7= 33 so the bottom age limit for me would be a womaan no younger than 33.
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reader, maverick494 +, writes (24 February 2013):
I really hope that this is a joke. Somehow your username makes me doubt you are your age. Or at least I hope so, because at 52 you should know better.
Let's get real here: why do you want to date a girl who is younger than one of your daughters? Don't you think it's creepy you view someone her age as someone you could have a relationship with? Your daughters do. For good reason. I'd lose all respect for my dad if he did something like that. It's disturbing. Also, don't think for a minute the gal loves you. She either has daddy issues, wants money or both.
Date someone who is more age appropriate or don't date at all.
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reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 February 2013):
 It was bound to be a problem anyway. Your daughters and the 20-year old would always be competing with one another, as they were so close in age. You're expecting too much if you think everyone should "get along". If you want people to get along you need to consider several factors, not just what you want, but also what others want. Your 20-year old would feel jealous of your daughters, your daughters would feel jealous of her. Too close in age, too much competition, and they'd never respect her. Nor would she ever be a good step-mum or any of the like, she'd always have been the outsider no matter how nice your daughters were to her.
But it was a passing thing, one that given the circumstances couldn't have worked out. She was too immature for this relationship, and your daughters are naturally also immature. They're still teenagers, you can't expect them to have much if any kind of real life wisdom and "get along".
But you'll find someone later on who your daughters will get along better with. If a relationship creates a lot of friction between everyone then it is a good sign it's not going to work. Don't blame your daughters, maybe they saw something you didn't. They say that if your family and all your friends don't like the one you're with, then it's a red flag. It's a sign that things aren't the way they should be. Remember that your friends and family do want you to be happy, and they do think about what is best for you. And they see things that you might not, so if everyone around you has a problem with the person you are dating... take it as a red flag.
If everyone adores and loves the one you are with, and you love and adore her too, now wouldn't that be the greatest thing? However you can force someone to like someone. It has to come naturally. So this 20-year old wasn't the one, but you will meet other women. And when everyone gets along things will be so much easier, and you will be happy you found the new person instead of having continued the fighting and living with the friction caused by dating the 20-year old.
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