A
female
age
41-50,
*rokentrust
writes:Hi there,I am a 33 years old girl who recently went throught a breakup. I was dating this guy only for 2 months but we had planned marriage and future. But due to some issue, he broke up with me. I am in a mess. I have always had failed relationships in which either guys wanted me for sex or made use of my emotions to get their work done. I was so scared of getting into this relationship as well but he made me promises of never leaving which eventually he did. My faith and trust for love seems to be completely destroyed. I am 32 yrs old and my longest relationship was this one for 2 months. In other cases all guys used me and never acknowledged me. It feels dejected that I will never be able to find someone to love and who loves me and I love him. My trust in god also seem to be shaking. Any advice is welcome.
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female
reader, delicatepink  +, writes (28 August 2012):
It sounds like you're getting way too invested way too quickly. No offense but even if you spend every waking moment with someone for 2 months or less how much do you really know about them? That's very soon to start planning a wedding and talking about marriage.
You're probably scaring guys with wanting commitment too soon and seeming needy. I don't know exactly what's going on but that would be my guess. Also it sounds like you're sleeping with people before you really know them and then wanting something really serious. If you're going to sleep with someone right away you probably shouldn't get too involved emotionally in case they turn out not to be good people.
Think of it this way. How would you feel if you just met a guy. You hardly knew him and he starts talking about getting married and kids and his exs and calling you to see where you are 10 times a day..... You'd be weirded out right? And probably go running. That's how guys feel if you put a lot of pressure and talking about the future right away they get creeped out and unless they're really nice a lot of guys wonder about you if you sleep with them right away....there's always an exception to that rule but still not a good idea to sleep with someone who could be a serial killer.
So next romance take it slow, no pressure on the guy and try not to talk about the future too soon, it gets a little strange :)
Good luck
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I do not want to sound like I am coming down on you too hard, but if this was your longest relationship (2 months) and you've had sex with guys in other relationships...why are you having sex with men or giving your emotions over to them so soon? I don't care what culture you are in, having sex or getting too emotionally involved with someone when you've only known him for 2 months or less is TOO SOON. Can't you date and get to know one another in your culture?
Also, if men continue to "use you" then why do you allow it? You are ultimately in control of your own body, thoughts, and emotions. Do not allow it, and if the men do not respect you, then move on. They are not worth your time anyway.
You must get to know a person before you are intimate with him physically, emotionally, mentally, and/or spiritually. Otherwise, you will always open yourself up for hurt. If you get to know him first, and find out he is not for you, you will not have lost anything. As of right now, you think every month long experience you have is a "relationship"...it is not. That is just the beginning of getting to know someone. Don't give yourself away before you know the man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): So let me get this straight this relationship was only two months old and you'd already planned marriage, the future and had him make promises of never leaving you?
Bit soon wasn't it?
OP if this is your idea of a relationship and it being your longest one then I hate to say it but you haven't actually ever had a relationship. So you haven't had failed relationships just flings that went nowhere.
OP something is up here, maybe it's just Indian culture to do it this way or something but something seems really off.
I think you should go see a counsellor or something OP so you talk in depth about how and why your flings all turn out this way. Maybe you give too much too soon, maybe you expect too much too soon and smother them. Maybe you have shit taste in guys, maybe you're too insecure etc. With such little information there is no way for us to gauge.
But I can tell you this; one fo the most common reasons I hear of that girls end up in your situation is simply that they make us guys too high priority in their lives. We matter too much to them and they just never find a way of seeing themselves as our equals.
OP we guys should only ever be a nice addition to an already fulfilling life, any other way and you give us too much power over you, and that means we'll either abuse that power or be scared off by it.
You need to find someone to talk in depth about this to and help you make sense of it all. Ask your friends for their opinions on where you're going wrong, ask your mother or aunts and be open to listening to them.
Remember OP we're just walking cocks until we prove to you that we are more. Make us prove that to you before you give yourself to us.
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A
male
reader, mistermann  +, writes (28 August 2012):
I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone and I think it is simply not true that you will never find someone you love and loves you in return.It sounds like you've had some bad relationships, unfortunately we've all had them. The key is not letting them dent your confidence. They were simply bad relationships that weren't right at that moment in time.It seems to me like you may be rushing things. To be planning for the future and marriage in 2 months seems to be much too fast and could have been a contributing factor to the failure of your relationship.Take a break from relationships for a while, see your friends, do things you like to do and enjoy life. One day love will come along. And when it does come along, give it time to blossom naturally, don't rush into things. The key thing at this moment in time, is to love yourself.
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