A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all, just wondered if u cud help. My by has split up with me yet again (we had just got back together) he used to do this all the time but up untill last time hadnt for a year. I have now realised that I am acting like a door mat and so asking to be treated like one....all I am worried about is if he comes back this time having the strength to say no as I love him dearly ...allthough he obv has issues. Each time he gives a crappy excuse which is allways my fault so I know this cycle will never end so I have to move on ....Im also scared to go out with someone else as (this sounds ridiculous) what if he actually comes back a changed man and I miss out???? not much chance I know...your thoughts would be gratefully recieved xx
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 I would focus on this portion of your submittal:
"...(this sounds ridiculous) what if he actually comes back a changed man and I miss out???? ..."
That's such a low risk that you ought to take it.... (Guys DON'T change!!!!!!)
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): thanku all for your help much appreciated :) 'shellycg' I feel all the stronger for reading your response and I am going to stick to my guns this time .......ty x
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (28 August 2012):
 If he is older than 30 then who he is and how he handles problems is already well established and very often he will choose the same solutions in similar situations.
He sounds restless and currently does not know what he wants.
It is likely that if he faces challenges again in the future he will choose to run away rather than discuss the issues. It is part of his character.
Go confidently into the future. Do not deny yourself new positive experiences. And do not allow "what if" views to stymie your opportunties to enjoy new experiences and new people in your life
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2012): He is the one that will miss out once your gone cause he'll realize what was right infront of him and now its to late, move on, he wont change. Find someone you deserve, that will stick with you and make you feel special.
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A
female
reader, shellycg  +, writes (28 August 2012):
 Hi...Have you ever read the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' ? if you havent I strongly recommend you do... Its a brilliant yet common sense book that we should all be given especially us women when it comes to the workings of men particularly when they disappear, it talks about them pinging back like a 'rubber band.!!! it sounds bizarre but completely true.Your question is a very poignant one, every man needs to go to their cave to re-establish their belonging and their self worth just as us girls like to chat with our friends about problems... please dont blame yourself , one thing men really dont like is a needy women, (not saying you are of course) act differently towards him, maybe treat him mean keep him keen (as the saying goes)... he will come back a changed man trust me and you wont miss out.Ive been there and the last time he wanted time out , I wrote down the silly things I was doing and how I could talk differently, communicate in a different way. Now our relationship is better than ever, when he wants space i let him have it and dont worry how he will be when he comes back...hope this helps .. x
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