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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I'm 27 and have never had a girlfriend or any kind of relationship with a girl at all.I can talk to girls though. In my job there are maybe half a dozen girls, all of whom I find attractive and I can chat with all of them. I got on really well with one girl a few years younger than me. I helped her out with some computer stuff; we talked a lot via SMS; I even went out with her once but it turns out she didn't like me that much and just didn't know how to turn me down. Things got so bad that she ended up leaving her job. I was in love with her (I think); it hurt like hell and still does.The girls at work all think I'm a 'nice guy' but that just seems kind of lame to me. I try and be nice to everyone but I think a good relationship would be based on more than me being 'nice'.Outside of work though I just cannot talk to girls. If I met someone new I wouldn't ever dream of just walking up to her and introducing myself or making a complement. Why would she want to talk to me? Sure, the girls I know all think I'm 'nice' but a stranger doesn't know me.I've tried the dating sites, had moderate success but nothing long lasting. It's such a crapshoot and I find the people there to have so many expectations and personal problems. We all do. So, like a lot of men it seems, I just do not know where to start in finding a girlfriend. And it really, really sucks. Sometimes it seems like everyone on the planet has someone and I'm the only single person out there.But here's the twist. I'm now recovering from knee surgery that is keeping me more or less housebound. I haven't been able to work or go out much in one month. Only one of my friends has come round to see me and only a couple more have even phoned. So right now I'm just sitting at home all day alone with my thoughts.I know it's a confidence thing but it seems that there's a manual called 'Relationships' and that I'm missing a page or two.Well, I've rambled on a bit so thanks if you've read this far.
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female
reader, Celest  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 May I ask? Why you cannot go out?? Because you don’t have a girlfriend?? And what about your friends then?? You might not have enough friends, but you’ ll have some… I was also a very social and very lonely person at the same time. I knew so many people and very few to hang around, I was so weird that I used to say that only the highlander would date me… or an alien! Eventually was just a guy from Scandinavia, funny story. But he came when I had decide that this is how it is and it ‘s ok with me, you know! If it is not the right person than I’d rather to be alone! So.. in your case my friend… I notice that you ‘re spending a lot of energy to help friends… girlfriends… don’t spend so much time with girls that they would like to be just friends and nothing more. And despite that you ‘re not aware of it, when you are desperate, it get’s clear on your behavior on your body language, everywhere. My advice is first, focus on your good aspects of yourself and build stronger your self confidence. 2nd make a list, how you will like her to be… I am talking for the right one… be specific. Make a decision that you will find her. Do something new, new hobbies, things that you will like to try, to learn something, or to participate in something. Meet new people, try to talk in any woman that you ‘re meeting as a rehearsing, try to be pleasant, a small compliment, make them laugh. Give an end… I ‘ve got to go now… but it was really nice talking to you… want to continue this with a cup of coffee sometime?? If yes get the phone if no… by bye.. very polite. But most of all enjoy the process it will make you happy eventually… I should also say that faith is the key to the miracles so a small prayer it might help, a lot more than you thing!!! Enjoy life and find the right girl for you!!!
A
female
reader, NennaHB  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 I am 28 and I haven't been able to connect again with a man in the last 5 years. No, I didn't go to a convent! Starting September 2006, after a nasty break-up I have been through a period of 3 months when I refused to get out of the house and afterwards I slowly started living my life again. Any experience changes us but I can say now that I would not be the person I am today if it hadn't been for what I learned when I was 23. I have been trying to connect with some men over the internet but sooner rather than later it turned out we did not want the same things. So I have decided to put an end to my current relationship status (SINGLE) by just enjoying my new life(I moved to Spain 3 months ago), by being receptive to male interest towards me, by being a bit more coquette. I know what I can and I just recently realized that I don't want to grow old alone, wrinkled and ugly in a house full of cats(and I don't even like cats!). Humans are not made to live alone but in pairs. So my advice to you is to remove the fear of being alone and everything should come the right way. I sure am trying this strategy. Have no fear of loss but be wise and interesting to the opposite sex, intriguing even. I hope everything turns out for the best for you
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A
female
reader, SkareCroe  +, writes (22 July 2011):
 Dont feel bad I didnt even have my first kiss till i was 17....A relationship isnt the end of the world. I tried dating sites, I found okcupid....it worked for me then I found the guy I am with (1 year now) and still happy. But try asking them out.
A lot of girls now are dumb and blind....they dont want a "nice guy" they may see you as a friend.
Maybe go outside your comfort zone and walk up to a girl....smile and flirt. I dont know it could work :)
good luck to you my friend!
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