A
female
age
36-40,
*lackcatsz333
writes:I have one more question for the day/night. Ok. My mother treats me like a 2 year old and I'm actually 22 and she baby-sits me and she won't let me do things like go out with my friends or anything. I have to come home at 10 or before she gets home from work!!!!!! It's driving me crazy!!! She won't even let me move out!!!! Any advice on how to get her to stop controlling me and my life??? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (11 February 2008):
 Your mother only has as much control over you as you allow her to have!
Have a rational, well thought out discussion with her. You are 22, having friends is not a BAD thing! Having friends is a necessary thing, socialising with these friends is also necessary.
Does she think you will always be home by 10.00 - even when you're 30!? I'm guessing not - does she not think she's equipped you to handle LIVING - because it seems that is what she is attempting to stop you from doing.
If you are 22 and still allowing yourself to be controlled like this I'm guessing you're not the most assertive type - now is the time when you have to be!!
If you can't do this, if this doesn't change her behaviour - move out! Your mother can't stop you doing this, she can voice her disapproval at your actions and this is where you argue back.
There comes a point where we have to start teaching our parents!
A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (3 February 2008):
 I think you should be firm with your mum and tell her that you are an adult and should be treated like one too.
Explain to her that you feel you should go out and socialise, if she does demand you that you should be in by ten oclock. Tell her that it is not normal for a 22 year old to be given a curfew and if she does get worried whilst you are out socialising with your friends, say you will ring her on your mobile (cell-phone, sorry to use the English terminology lol) to reassure that you are safe. That way you guys come to a compromise, as for moving out she cannot physically reestrain you from doing so because you are an adult who can stand on their own two feet.
Maybe your mum is lonely and needs to socialise with people and make new friends herself too. That way she will have her mind occupied and everyone will be happy. Good Luck Hun. Dusky xxx.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (3 February 2008):
 You cant really do much about your mother's controlling attitude.
What you can do is move out!
How can you say your mother doesnt let you move??? She doesnt keep you chained. Of course you can move. Its all on you to make the decision, plan it out and just do it. Dont you have a friend you can move in with temporarily until you find a proper place?
look in the papers or online and find an apartment, save up your money, and make your move. You mother cannot make you stay at home. Thats in your head...and she's putting that in you. Even if you can only leave with just a small suitcase, thats a move. Leave most everything behind if you have to. You can always get new stuff anyway.
Spread your wings little pelican and fly!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (3 February 2008):
 Ok its natural for parents to be protective of their children no matter how old they get, the love and caring for our children is something that never dies. But i do think that your Mum has got to realise that you are a fully grown adult of 22, and not 12. You are an adult, you can make make your own decisions, if you want to go out with your friends you can, and also i think you should. I think that keeping up relationships with friends is healthy, and im suprised your Mum does not realise this. I think that you have got to sit down and talk to your Mum about this situation, i feel if you don't take a stand now you will still be getting told to be in at 10 when you are 35. Talk to your Mum in a nice way, and remember that you mum does love you and wants the best for her daughter.
All the best x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2008): Take a stand woman, if your 22 and can afford to live away from home then move out. Your the one stopping yourself going not your mother, she can only control you until you make it stop. Sit down and talk to her or write a letter if it will lead to an argument, explain how you feel and that you still want her in your life? but that your and adult now.
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A
female
reader, sxcarshalz  +, writes (3 February 2008):
Wow your mother might have seperation issues. Are you a only child or the eldest i suggest you approch your mother and confront her about how you feel if you want to move out you can she is your mother but your old enough to take care of yourself now and have a life.
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A
male
reader, polarkite +, writes (3 February 2008):
 I'm sure you must be wanting to set the streets on fire at this point. You have a couple options here:1. Go to college (in another state)2. Get a job and find an apartment.3. Find a supportive friend or relative who will let you crash at their place until you can figure out 1 or 2.4. Be totally bad. Don't listen to her, and make friends anyway. And when she yells at you, yell back explaining that you are an adult. Be assertive, you are an adult now!You are likely going to need friends for emotional support to accomplish these things, so do try to make some good friends. Make friends with reliable people who have their lives somewhat together. Try to avoid people with shaky lives as they will have their own problems.
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