A
male
age
30-35,
*ellium
writes:Hello everybody, I'm a 20 year-old boy with a HUGE problem. I'm living in Germany now for almost 2 years, and in this time I've got to know different people. 2 months ago I met a girl who is 14, 15 in 3 months(... this is being so hard to write...). She is a cute girl, very kind and intelligent. I know it always sounds like an excuse, but she really doesn't act like an 14 year old girl. My problem is that I've fallen in love with her progressively. It isn't a crush or something. I haven't thinked about going out with her, ever, But there is a bit more in this story. In one desperate and sleepless night (because I am WELL aware about what's going on), I decided to write her an SMS and tell her that I love her and therefore I shouldn't meet her again, because It's not right that I have this feelings. I explained just everything what was in my mind, even that Its Illegal and so forth. I deleted everything what was linked to her (cell number, e-mail, forums and blogs, etc) just to be drastical and just try to forget her, but It seems that MSN messenger doesn't delete contacts completely. So one week after the SMS and the drastic decision, she managed it to send me a message. We started writing to each other, but she was acting weird. At first she acted like if she never read the SMS, but then she started asking about my feelings and so forth. I cant really say if she read the SMS or if it never arrived (it was 14 messages long). Thing is that she is dealing with the situation as if it was a normal thing, what doesn't help a bit, and I'm too kind to say to her to fuck off. I'm not that kind of person, I always apologize for everything. I had a fucked up youth, always money problems, parents fighting ad arguing every night, at school always thinking about what could be going on at home... but I managed it to end High school and start a career at University. I dont think I'm a bad person, meaning to say that 'm not a pervert. I dont know why for god sake I had to fall in love with her man, she is so young man, this is all a huge iece of shit. I really hate my life and already thinked about shooting my brains out. I've never been happy in my whole life, ever, especially because I've always been seeking love, but rarely, VERY rarely found someone who I liked (aldough when I found one, she usually had a boyfriend already or wasn't interested in me, and when yes, as soon as I had the chance, I got scared and pulled back), but when she is there, every problem seems to be gone. We talk about things above mickey mouse and Spongebob, we laugh about jokes that never make kids laugh, we look up to make a grat career at university, etc. She is indeed a special one, but I cant justify myself with saying that her personality matches the one of a girl that is 19 or 20 years old, because maybe she is faking it, or she is ´just intelligent but naive or god knows what. Tomorow she is having her confirmation. I am invited to go to the party. I even know her parents (they are divorced, maybe this is an important point), especially the mother, who is a really cool person, who was always helpful to me. I get along even with her brother, who is exactly 1 mont and 2 days older than me. I just want to seek for help. I'd like your opinions and tips to handle with this, because It's the first time that souch shitty thiing happens to me.. I truly hate me, my life and everything what keeps it going.. Sorry for this boring and maybe impossible to understand text, but I'm typing at the same time I'm swetting all my tears out.Thank you for reading, I hope I didn't irritate you.
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female
reader, Kit-Kat  +, writes (3 May 2009):
nah u didnt irritate me. its good to let it out. maybe u should she things from the other side of this relationship...im 14, and in love with a 19 year old.it is hard and scary to realise u've fallen in love with the wrong person. me and him both decided to not see each other until i was an adult and my parents didnt have as much of an influence. does she love u back? if so then u could explain to her that u feel like she is too young for u and maybe u shouldnt see each other for a while. if u spend more time with her, u will become attached to her even moretry to avoid her and not think about her or try going out with somebody else. or spend time with friends. wen shes an adult maybe u could contact her again if u still like her but for now, drift away from her.good luck
A
male
reader, malum424  +, writes (3 May 2009):
 I think the best thing to do is to cut off all contact with her like you had tried.Stand firm you and know that you're doing the right thing for yourself by cutting her out of your life. Just remember that you've over came a tragic upbring that you owe it to yourself not slip up and fail.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): I'm sorry you are feeling so desperate right now. I feel really concerned for you.
I personally don't think it is terrible for a 20 year old guy to like a 14 year old girl. It's only 6 years difference. But that is just my opinion, clearly it is an issue for you though. It certainly does not make you a bad person though, so please don't think that.
Do you think you could talk to this girl about how much you care about her? She might be feeling the same, or she might not. But at least then you will know. If she did feel the same, would the age difference make it impossible for you to stay in touch with her? Is it really that big a problem? Maybe you could both just be good friends, until she is older.
But if the situation around her is hurting you so much, then perhaps it might be better to try and get some distance from her. You don't have to do it in a hurtful way, you could just explain to her that, although you like her, you just can't be around her right now.
Could you talk to someone about how you feel, your family, friends, a doctor? You are experiencing a lot of painful feelings, and you seem to feel shame about them. This must be awful to try and deal with alone. So if you could reach out to someone, like you have done here on this site, it might help.
I hope you start to feel more hopeful about life, and remember that this site is here if you need to let anything else out. x
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A
female
reader, niki20 +, writes (3 May 2009):
 you didnt irritate me at all. but you shouldnt see if you think its wrong, you should try and just yell her you need to find someone that is your age. are you sure that you dont lust her? maybe you only think you are in love w/her?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2009): Well I really feel for you. But you are right in deciding that there can be nothing with this girl. Because she is so young, she might believe that she is old enough to have a relationship, that she is mature etc etc but all teens think this about themselves and it's up to you to take the adult role.
I don't believe a girl of that age is as mature as your average 20 year old. I think you may have feelings for her, but why don't you wait for her to grow up a little?
Don't despair. Go to her confirmation but whatever you don't. don't lead her on. It's up to you to set boundaries here.
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A
female
reader, nanners1 +, writes (3 May 2009):
Wow that really does sound like a problem...I havent had much experience in that area but i'm trying to help people on here with my opinion. I think...If you like her you like her, you cant change that no matter how much you try becuz it will drive you insane. It is illegal, but sometimes rules are over rated when it comes to love. I think if you feel like your life wasnt that great, and she is what makes you happy then you shuldnt push her away. Just try not to get into trouble or cause something to happen, be safe and use your head at all times, but i dont think its right to push someone away when you care for them like you do.
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