A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Opinions needed.I am a little disturbed the last week because of what happened.Just a little about myself before i tell you the story. I got married very young, it was a short lived marriage that ended up w/a child who i had to bring up basically by myself, w/a little help of my parents. Now i am in my thirties, my baby is all grown up couple years before he goes to college. I am very busy w/him and my job, hobbies, friends and travelling. You can call it a full life, but one part is misssing. I have no man, no sex for quite a while, no romantic passsion. I love sex like all of us, and i think in my 30s i want it more than when i was in my teens or 20s.I had my share of one night stands, that made me feel afwull in a morning. These nights didn't make sense to me that i stoped doing it altogether long time ago.I had few relationships along the road, somewhere a few years, some for a few months, some even for a few weeks.It's been a while since i dated. I didn't really know what i wanted anymore as far as love affairs go. I didn't want to burden myself with a new serios relationship, as my life is so busy, and tell u the truth i am a little burned out w/these dating scenarium. I desided to keep my eyes open, and see what happens and inn a mean time deside what i want to do. Deep inmy heart i think i wanted something light and easy, fun without particular attachment. Someone who we can share passionate sex with and a little companionship, someone that would respect my feelings and be my friend, i guess.Or something maybe even short lived, i was o.k. with idea also, may be couple months.3.5 months ago i met a guy through my work. He is in his 20s, one of those hot good looking guys that girls like so much. We started talking, and in a few days i asked myself, if he is flirting w/me. I am a good looking woman, but considering the age difference, what can he possibly want w/me? Then our assignment changed and we stoped seeing each other. But then the texting started. First once a week, then every day. I never initiated it, it was always him.Right after we met, i had to leave the state for 2 weeks, and when i came back, i was ill for 2 weeks. Texting never stoped, it became more intence, like every day.We saw each other once, and then i had to leave again for 2 weeks. During that short date, there was no touching. I talked about how i feel about one night stands and he talked about how he likes me, and what an unussual experience it is for him to like someone so much older. It was unussual for me too. After i came back, texting continued, we met one more time, and it was lovely. We both were shy, it looked very romantic and sweet for me.We tried to make another date, but his work schedule and mine didn't click many times. We talked about sex a lot during that time. Our conversation got heated up, that i felt like i am burning inside every time we hang up our phones. What can i say, i was deffinitelyready. FInally we met, it was a week ago. We were both shy again, had a few drinks. And after 2 hours of talking, we got in a car to go to his house, but never actually made it to his appartment. We started kissing, and the world was lost for me. It was so passionate, and intense. It was exactlywhat i needed so much. We did it right in his car, on a back seat, and it was wonderfull. It was a little awkward to me that before i got dresssed he drove me back to my cars. Well, i thought after all it's 3 a.m. We both have to work in a morning.The next day he texted me few sentences, like i had a great time, i can't believe how shy u r andso on. I said how amazing he was and that ii had a great time also. After that nothing.. It's been a week. no texts anymore, nothing. That makes absolutely no sense to me. 3.5months of intense texting, all this talking trying to get to know each other, and then 20 min. sex in a car, and thats all he needed?Considering his age we both kind of assumed that this will not turn into relationship, but not even trying to do it few more times and just enjoy each other.?One thing comes to my mind that he was deeply dissapointed in me sexually. I would really appreciate some answers. I don't know what to make of it.
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affair, flirt, kissing, one night stand, shy, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Well, here is an update. A week later i finally got a text from him saying 'r u ok!?' I said, yes, why?' He says:'Just asking, long time no talk'. I said :'yes, i know, and then just the regular talk about my dog being sick and so on. Few sentences later he stoped texting me back. So, listening to last responce that i got here, i send him text today asking how he is doing. He says;"good, how r u?' I tell him that i am leaving next Wednesday for 2.5 weeks for a trip. And then he says;"so, do you want to see me again?' I say jockingly :'let me think about it...o.k.sure'. Next he says:'So, you liked it?' I say;"yes, withthe exception of some bruising on my lips' He says that he is so sorry and it won't happen again and after that stops responding to my next text.
So, the conclusion that i have here, he wouldn't mind having sex with me from time to time, if i will make some moves also. I can see a certaing aloofness here, since he already got what he wanted. It's like we really have not that much to talk about anymore.
He didn't even asked me where i am going. When i said about my drama with my old dog, he didn't even respond.
It's curios for me though, how guys change after sex part is accomplished. For me i have the same interest in him, even more after we did it. For him, it's like 90% of interest in me is gone. We'll see what happens. I am leaving in a week for my wonderfull trip to Italy, i don't even feel like reenforcing a date w/him anymore. It's like his aloofness is contagious. He texted me though first after a week. I don't know what to think, i guess i just won't think about it anymore, or at least will try.
Thank you guys for your responces
A
male
reader, supersuper +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Have you tried texting him? People in their twenties need constant stimulation. It could work, but you have to make him want something from you. I suggest re-creating some sexual tension via text message. I can almost guarantee that he will come running if he thinks there is something else to be gained. But you have to create it for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): No, i don't think i'll approach him, that's way too primitive, it's like one night stands that i tried at one point, and stoped. Actually one night stands even make more sense for me now that this whole event. At least no time was spent. Here months of talking, all this energy that was spent on a few minutes of sex. What, this whole thing is about hunt, and chase, nothing else? Very primitive.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (16 August 2010):
 Some men think the pleasure of the hunt is over with the kill. They're generally wrong, 'thank you' sex can be so wonderful.
Anyway, why don't you try to approach him? Few men say no to a straightforward bootycall.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2010): Thanks for answering. I wanted to hear more opinions than one, but it was a good one. I understood all this from the beginning, he even said it several times that it's a chalenge for him. It's just i didn't expect that this is what it was just challenge. I thought he liked me. Makes no sense for me to spend all this time ona phone, and meet me in person and all this talk just to spend 15 min kissing and 5 min of actual intercourse. And that was it?
I guess women are so much different from men. I guess i have to learn how to think like a man.
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A
male
reader, Beingblack  +, writes (15 August 2010):
 There are a lot of those 'hot good looking guys that girls like so much' around. They generally know that they are hot, and are only too aware of the effect that they have on women.
Like many men, he was enjoying the chase. He was getting excited by getting you to a point where you would be more than willing to have sex with him. So his texts were sexy, and made you feel great. Meeting up with him was even better, and once you felt ready, he made a move and you melted like butter.
He enjoyed the sex, so don't think that he didn't. But there is nothing left for him to chase now, so his personal excitement in the whole affair is gone.
If the sex lasted 20 minutes, or 20 hours, once it was over, it's over. The CHASE was the most exciting aspect for him.
I'm afraid that single mothers are considered to be an easy target for a number of men, as women with children cannot get out much, spend more time on their children than themselves, and their children are often viewed by men as a 'problem' to forming a relationship.
I wouldn't expect any further contact, but it would be nice if he proved me wrong.
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