A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I went on a first date with a man last night, he seemed alright, ok looking, we got on well, he sent me a nice message saying how nice I was after.But he chewed gym with his mouth open, not nice. And I noticed he had small hands - could this mean a small penis??!Not sure if these are signs I should keep looking for another man, or am I being too picky?!I have agreed to lunch next Sunday...
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 Real people dont play games. Only fakes do that.
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
 "I use the three strikes and your out rule... if I'm not sure about someone I would date them 3 times... if by the third date I didn't want to jump their bones... they were gone."
Lets talk honestly here, if some guy had used 2 strikes on the first date he'd be out. No question. If he struck out once on the first date, and once on the second, you'd still meet him for the third date?
What would he have to do on the third date to make you forget those two strikes and want to jump his bones? My guess is it would never happen unless he was Adonis himself.
I'd be so bold as to say, any guy who has struck out twice has not even made the third date unless you had nothing better to do or another date to go on. Your mind would already be made up.
OP: "Anon e mouse - that was what I was thinking, i don't know him well enough to like him despite his faults and my question was about whether its better to end something straight away if you don't like something about someone or give them the benefit of the doubt."
If you don't like something about someone it's not going to go anywhere. If it does go somewhere then you are settling. Fact is, this habit will only get more annoying. You could turn around and tell him to shut his mouth when he's chewing gum and try and change him but why bother when you can find someone who, after 10 dates, doesn't have this undesirable "fault".
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
SoConfused... You give more strikes than most women do. I'm not saying it's settling as it's too early but to show a lack of class and manners on the most important date (for a man) is a BIG RED FLAG.
Maybe not for a woman but for a man the first date is the most important. If a woman finds something repulsive on the first date that's it, you're out. Men don't choose whether they get another date. The woman chooses whether to offer another date of not. The woman holds the power in the beginning. So it's up to the man to entertain her, make her laugh, good conversation and show his personality and attitude. The woman does the same but the dating game is the woman's turf. She decides. Only then does the man decide whether to take her up on her offer of a second date or not (depending on whether he is interested).
With this in mind, would YOU turn up to a first date chewing with YOUR mouth open? I'd hardly call that an "off day". Perhaps if he was nice but his hair wasn't right that could be considered an "off day" or perhaps if he had a cold.
The problem here is, the guy has already shown his true colours. You already know he has no manners/class. So, if later on you pursue a relationship and he turns out to be a slob you can't say the signs weren't there. If we were talking about a 18-year old then I can understand. However, we are talking about a man here... 30-35 years old.
Fact is, if you go out on a date and there's something you don't like... Don't bother wasting your time with them. Just get out there and meet someone who is equally as attractive but can chew with his mouth shut.
Not too much to ask.
The devil is in the detail.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (6 February 2013):
 anon e mouse,
do you really think giving someone a second date is settling?
sometimes we make mistakes and first impressions are important but also a bit of leeway is critical and if someone is in their 30s and still seeking a partner the possibility exists they are being too picky for their own good as a defense mechanism to avoid intimacy.
I use the three strikes and your out rule... if I'm not sure about someone I would date them 3 times... if by the third date I didn't want to jump their bones... they were gone.
I've blown first meetings... and first dates... I'd hate to think folks thought me self-absorbed and childish or selfish after one brief meeting... especially if it was an off day.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (6 February 2013):
Chigirl: "There are many serious things to look out for, and this barely counts as anything but mildly annoying."
So you're willing to put up with mildly annoying behaviour on a first date then? Manners cost nothing. If the guy already shows a lack of manners by chewing gum with his mouth wide open on a first date then just wait 3 months down the line when he's even more familiar with you.
First impressions count and this isn't a good one.
My advice would be, there are plenty of other guys out there. Why settle for this one? Date lots of guys and pick the one who you think is the best for you.
Chigirl: "I think maybe you'd need to have been on a real bad first date, in order to get some perspective."
Hahaha. Ok, so just because it could be worse means she should settle for this guy? What about if she finds better? By all means you could end up on a date with a raving loon. Doesn't mean you should settle for someone who is less of a loon but a loon none the less. If you have doubts best to leave it there and find more dates.
It's a numbers game. You've got to shovel the s*** to get to the good stuff. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy so why settle?
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2013):
I think maybe you'd need to have been on a real bad first date, in order to get some perspective. So I will share with you that one date I was on, the man didn't speak to me at all. He sat in silence. Didn't utter a word. Granted, it was a blind date, and my friend who fixed us us was there chatting along with me, and I ended up just talking to her. The man himself didn't say ONE word! Not even "hi"!
Now there's a bad first date.
Or another one I was at, where the man showed up drunk to oblivion. He was so wasted he didn't even notice I was sitting next to him. He also smoked, and blew the smoke right into my face, then ended up sitting on the phone talking to his friends and bragging about he hot date he had!
Now THAT was a bad date. Come to think of it, he even started talking about me and him living together... And then called me every weekend at 4am asking me why I never went out with him again...
Now those are the type of men you don't offer a second date to. Just to let you in on my perspective.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2013):
In my opinion, farting is something you do in private at the toilet, and not in front of others. No matter how long you've been married/living together. But some people have bad habits, some people have upset stomachs, some people just ate something they shouldn't have and it happens...
My point was just that... Why accept it later on if you can't accept it on a first date? If you don't approve of farts on the first date you wont suddenly find them charming later on either. I still don't care for my boyfriend yawing with his mouth open, and I tell him to cover his mouth, or I look away simply. I'd not like it on the first date either, if that was the case.
But my point is that even though people do these small things, doesn't mean we need to write them off. It's really a rather small thing, and NOT a big red flag. There are many serious things to look out for, and this barely counts as anything but mildly annoying.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (30 January 2013):
In my opinion, farting is something you do in private at the toilet, and not in front of others. No matter how long you've been married/living together. But some people have bad habits, some people have upset stomachs, some people just ate something they shouldn't have and it happens...
My point was just that... Why accept it later on if you can't accept it on a first date? If you don't approve of farts on the first date you wont suddenly find them charming later on either. I still don't care for my boyfriend yawing with his mouth open, and I tell him to cover his mouth, or I look away simply. I'd not like it on the first date either, if that was the case.
But my point is that even though people do these small things, doesn't mean we need to write them off. It's really a rather small thing, and NOT a big red flag. There are many serious things to look out for, and this barely counts as anything but mildly annoying.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnon e mouse - that was what I was thinking, i don't know him well enough to like him despite his faults and my question was about whether its better to end something straight away if you don't like something about someone or give them the benefit of the doubt.
I agree with the female who said this doesn't mean all women want men with large penises. My ex was small and it did become an issue for me in the end as although he was good in bed it just didnt feel the same. But I don't expect all women to want exactly what I want, there's probably women out there who prefer smaller penises. Men comment on women's looks all the time so they can't get too offended when we do the same back occasionally.
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A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (30 January 2013):
"My boyfriend doesn't cover his mouth when he yawns, and as much as I don't care for inspecting his teeth... he's still the best boyfriend I've ever had."
I wonder if he did that on a first date (BEFORE you knew him at all) whether you'd think the same? Perhaps at a nice restaurant on your 2nd date?
I'm sure there are husbands and boyfriends out there who fart loudly or pick their nose in front of their wife/girlfriend. Does this mean these are acceptable on a first date too?
It's different when you meet someone new for the first time as to what you find perfectly acceptable/unacceptable in terms of behaviour. Comparisons with a boyfriend/husband you've known a long time are unrealistic and pointless.
The first date is the MOST important date for the man to make a good impression or he won't be offered the chance of a second date. Everyone is on their best behaviour on the first few dates (and especially the FIRST!).
For me it's a questions of manners. If a woman turned up to a first date doing the same (or showing any lack of manners) that would be the last date we'd be on.
Still, it's your choice. You must like him or be thinking about him to be asking here. Mind you, if you really liked him you wouldn't be here asking our opinions would you?
You can always keep the Sunday date and see if it was a one off. If you come back here and tell us you ended up splattered in pizza afterwards don't blame me!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 January 2013): "Right, so this post confirms that women do indeed obsess over penis size, contrary to what most women claim when they answer posts about size size. I am quite shocked that one of the first "flaws" you see in him is that he may have a small penis"No, this particular woman is obsessed with it. She doesn't speak for all women. "How would you feel if he decided not to call you back because your breasts are an A but not a B?"Well actually, I do wear a size A, and I've been rejected and made fun of many times for it. Should I assume this means all guys are obsessed with large boobs? Of course not! That would quite ridiculous to assume that just because I've come across some guys that prefer large boobs means that EVERY guy prefers them. Bottom line, guys, just because you've met some women who prefer large penises doesn't mean ALL women do. The ones who say they don't aren't liars anymore than guys who say they prefer small boobs. Heck, I'll even go as far as to say there are probably some men and women who won't admit to their preferences for small penises/boobs, because they know they will just be called liars!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers. I'm glad you think it's too picky, I would like to see what happens with him. For all I know he's thinking about all the things he doesn't like about me!! I'm probably just scared of getting close to someone again and things going wrong again. That is the problem with dating I have to risk getting hurt.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (29 January 2013):
"And I noticed he had small hands - could this mean a small penis??!"
You're too old to be buying into that "small hands, small feet, small penis" theory. No... the size of hands and feet say absolutely nothing about the size of the penis.
You you being picky. So chewing with his mouth open isn't nice, but everyone has a bad habit. Just because he did this on the first date doesn't mean he always chews gum, he probably chewed gum so that he'd have fresh breath, and taking care of hygiene and appearances is a GOOD thing. It'd be worse if he showed up with garlic breath and broccoli between his teeth.
I say give him one more chance. If he's a nice guy you need to look at your priorities, and if the good doesn't outweigh the bad. Would you rather date a complete jerk, as long as he didn't chew gum with his mouth open on the first date?
My boyfriend doesn't cover his mouth when he yawns, and as much as I don't care for inspecting his teeth... he's still the best boyfriend I've ever had. So, you might be missing out if you don't give him a chance to show you what he's truly about. And if an open mouth bothers you, just look away, or ask him if he could spit it out/chew with his mouth closed.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 January 2013):
I showed this to my hubby and he said "she's being too picky"
small hands mean jack in my book.. the easier to hold them if you dare.
in addition, who cares about penis size.. give me a man with a talented tongue any day of the week.
chewing gum with his mouth open is not a crisis.
my hubby whines that sometimes i chew with my mouth open... he still married me.
maybe this guy just doesn't lift your skirt for other reasons and those are the two you are focused on?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not sure it's being shallow it's just about being physically compatible! If he didnt like my body then I wouldn't want him to go out with me as I am what I am so it's the same the other way round.
He's picking me up and taking me out for lunch on Sunday so we will see! Although doubt I will be finding out about penis size just yet!!
I am actually nice in real life but this is the site where you can ask questions you wouldn't ask anyone else isn't it?!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): Right, so this post confirms that women do indeed obsess over penis size, contrary to what most women claim when they answer posts about size size. I am quite shocked that one of the first "flaws" you see in him is that he may have a small penis. How would you feel if he decided not to call you back because your breasts are an A but not a B?
You sound like an extremely shallow girl and I hope for the guy's sake that the two of you will not meet again.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (29 January 2013):
Go out on another date and tell him to eat with his mouth closed and ask him about his penis. Problem solved!
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Hi
Don't judge him so harshly, he is single,you got along and he was respectful.That's a good start.
Chewing gum and talking to you is multi tasking and probably bad nerves.Or maybe he is a smoker ?
At least give him a 2nd date if he asks.
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A
female
reader, CANDY61 +, writes (29 January 2013):
No.... you are not being too picky, it's good that you spot these things before getting too involved into the relationship, if you see bad signs from the beginning then it's time to move on. If he chew gum with his mouth open, I'm sure you will be back on here to tell us he sat at the dinner table and ate with his mouth open.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the answers! The title made me laugh too! I think I just wondered if little things on a first date were important signs or I should just let them go, having only recently broken up with my ex who turned out to be a complete waste of space I'm trying to not make the same mistakes again. I suppose when we go out for lunch if he eats the whole thing with his mouth open that would be a definite no!!
I'm glad you don't think hand size correlates with penis size, that would have been a massive dissapointment lol
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (29 January 2013):
 Your question made me smile.
I was with a guy with hands same size as mine. I have a short stature but sex with him hurt.
If he chews gum with his mouth open. It means that when you get intimate with him his mouth will be open too.
I was once with a guy. He bought a bag of pretzel and wheatie mix and he ate it all in front of me. It's salty stuff too. He didn't wash his hands afterwards. I was turned off. We broke up for other reasons but I feel that people who don't know manners are not very smart overall. I wished that I broke it off sooner.
If you have second thoughts break it off now. So what if you are too picky? It's not like you can't find another man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): I think you are being too picky and kind of shallow...if you liked him, give him a chance. In my experience, the hand size doesn't indicate penis size at all. If you keep trying to find things wrong with him, then you may just not like him. I always say try a 2nd date and decide from there.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2013): WAY too picky! If you continue to be so, you'll be single well past your 30's.
My husband - on our first date stared at another woman (a good looking blond) and I noticed his feet were TINY (he's 6'1" and wears size 9 mens shoes!). I wondered about the penis thing.
However, I put my thoughts aside and continued to date him. He ended up being AMAZING. As it turned out, he stated at the woman because he thought he recognized her and because he was so NERVOUS he couldn't look at me. The feet - no correlation to penis size. I'm happy.
Quit being so picky!
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