A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone,I'm in a living with my boyfriend for the past 4 years now,and everything was going great,he has a good job so do I..but now the problem has arised cuz of a third person which unfortunately I brought into the picture..My best guy friend we have been best friends for over 12 years asked me a favor if her sister could stay with us for a couple of months until he sets up a place for her,and I readily agreed cuz he's been nothing but a good friend..and we have a 3 bed room apartment so I thought sure she could use the guest room..now I have met this girl a couple of times but I haven't really spoken to her,so when she came I tried to make her as comfortable as possible..but lately I'v been noticing not only is she messy,doesn't tidy her room,when I ask her too,she says she will do it later and she never does,she's 18 btw..and I keep ignoring it thinking she is a teenager so let me be mature and handle it,but lately she's been bringing guys home and our room is right adjacent to hers so we can hear them having sex and its quite annoying,I'v told her to keep it down and she's like'I can't tape my mouth now can I,I'l try' but still no change,I sat her down 2 days ago and I told her this is my house,these are my rules you have to go to follow.she did for a few days and then back to square one,and now the other thing that's bothering me,is her morning naked parade frm the shower across the hallway to the kitchen,and my boyfriend is right there..the other day we had a party and gave my boyfriend a lap dance until he literally pushed her aside,and she leaves my boyfriend notes like 'stay sexy hottie' or 'have a nice day at work u hot bod'..I don't know what to do?my boyfriend is a man afterall I'm sure he is enjoying the attention that an 18 year old is showering on him,he keeps telling me she's a kid and I am over reacting?am I over reacting really?should I talk to her brother?
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 September 2012):
 Did you never wonder why your friend's sister suddenly needed a place to stay and why she couldn't stay with him?I'll tell you why. Because she was kicked out of wherever she lived before and her own brother didn't want her in his home. This 'best guy friend' who has 'been nothing but a good friend' knew exactly what his sister was about before he dumped her in your lap. I tell you this not so you can get into a brawl with him, but to erase any guilt or sense of obligation you may have to him.Someone who faces homelessness does not jeopardize a warm, dry bed, a clean place to stay and a regular meal. They would go out of their way to avoid being an inconvenience and they would show their appreciation by cleaning more than their own mess.Her behaviour is shockingly outrageous. And I don't think you have reacted much at all. For instance, your response to the sexual racket coming from her room should not have been 'Keep it down'. What you should have done, you and your boyfriend, was walk into the room, turn on the light, and tell the guy she was with 'You. Out. Now'. Then you should have waited there (saying nothing) while he dressed. Then you should have told her to have her brother pick her up first thing in the morning. Actually you had sufficient grounds to turf her out when she refused to clean up after herself. Saying yes, but not doing it is the same as a refusal.Her offenses become more grievous the longer she is there. Strutting about naked, making sexual advances to your boyfriend, bringing strange men into your home and lipping off when you protest. How do you know these men won't rob you blind while you sleep? Do you even get to sleep? Does she have her own set of keys? Is she alone in your apartment when you and your boyfriend are at work? She has shown you exactly what she thinks of you and your hospitality.Frankly, this has gone way, WAY beyond laying down the law. The time for that passed ages ago. She has to go. Simple as that. Whatever boons your best guy friend has done you in the past don't change the fact that he has acted poorly here and taken advantage of your good will. Get rid of her and change the locks. And I'd re-evaluate this friendship with your 'best guy friend'.
A
female
reader, maverick494  +, writes (3 September 2012):
Nope, not overreacting. She's doing this because she knows she can get away with it. She's testing your boundaries and you're not offering enough resistance. Well, that should change. Since you brought her into the house take it on as your responsibility.
Your bf is a bit ignorant about her, but many guys are in situations like that. Get him to set her straight when she hits on him again instead of ignoring her attempts. But most of this will be for you to deal with, so take matters in your own hands.
Sit her down again, but this time, adopt a no-tolerance- policy. Tell her calmly that if she doesn't change, she's not welcome to live at your place anymore. No more warnings, no more second chances, the real deal. She changes today or she goes.
Don't give her a week or a month (she'll just slack off), but tell her that from now on, if she breaks a rule, she has two days to pack up and get out. Make sure you are specific in how she's supposed to behave. Heck, leave a note in her room with them, in the same style she leaves her. Don't give in if she puts on the innocent act. I'd rather be considered to be a bitch than being stuck in a situation I resent.
I'd also contact the brother/your friend and tell him about the whole situation so that when you kick her out, it's not a surprise. Let him know how disappointed you are in her without truly bashing her.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 If she just has a mess in "her" room then let it be a mess. Close the door so you don't have to see it. Then make sure she cleans it when she leaves.
If it's really bothering you to have her there, and she isn't paying any rent, just kick her out. You gave it a try, she hasn't been pleasant to live with, so it is fair enough that you tell her she needs to go.
She sounds annoying, but you don't sound like you take charge enough. You let her walk all over you, and your boyfriend accepts it as well it sounds like. Perhaps you should talk to him about showing a united front? She's trying to wrap him around her little finger because she knows you don't like her. If she can get him to be in her side she can stay longer, basically.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Yea talk to her brother. And if you decide to let her stay longer sit her down and LAY DOWN the rules in your house. If she can't agree or follow them, she can move out.
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A
female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (2 September 2012):
Yes, talk to her brother about why you're going to kick her out.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 No you are not overreacting at all. She is taking the piss. She should not be bringing strange/ random guys into your home. They could steal things from your house! The fact that she's making noise is one bad enough, but you can't just have random people wandering into your home just because she wants to have sex. I could understand if it was a stable boyfiriend who you'd been introduced to, but what she's doing is wrong and risky.She also should not be parading about in the nude and flirting with your partner. I don't know how you've managed to put up with it! I'd give her a final warning and tell her that if she breaks the house rules she must leave. Maybe you could draw up s contract and ask her to sign it. By all means warn her brother so that he is prepared and can help find her somewhere else to go.As I said at the start, she is taking the piss.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 This is beyond.... She's 18 she should respect the fact you've been good enough to let her stay with you. I would talk to her brother tell him what has been happening i mean you've already talked to her and laid the law down if she isn't willing to continue you should kick her out. At the end of the day it is her brothers responsibility it isn't down to you to keep her sheltered i understand he is your best friend but if she is going to treat your house as though she is in charge and can do what she likes then she needs to get out and go back to her brothers or wherever it is she started off because as you say your partner probably likes the attention but it only takes one second for her to come onto your partner when you're not around. She isn't worth you worrying over i'd talk to her brother and get him to get her out because she isn't respecting your home or your privacy. You need to get your home back. Talk to the brother let him know your feelings about her and if she doesn't change or he won't take her back i'd kick her out and tell her if she wants to walk around naked and leave notes for people she needs to find her own place where she can do what she likes when she likes.Hope this helps... :)
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A
male
reader, Hennessy1989 +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Your not over reacting, i would of booted her out already
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