A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey. I'm 18 and I've never had a boyfriend. I haven't had my first kiss yet. I find it kind of embarrassing because most of my friends have lost their virginity by now and been a few relationships. The reason I haven't had any experience with guys is because I haven't wanted to. I can't handle one-off pulls and haven't found the right guy to be in a relationship with, so I haven't kissed anyone. I know my own mind and I know my lack of experience is down to my choices. The people who are close to me know this.But I've only known these friends a few months. When they found out that I've never kissed anyone they were shocked and lost for words. It was really embarrassing because the only reason it came out was because one of them was saying harsh things about someone she knew who hadn't had a kiss yet, making out he was a loser. I don't really have a problem with myself as I think I've got enough going for me. But now I feel like my friends are judging me because they had a shock when they found out and I didn't explain to them why I'd never been with a guy. I feel humiliated by it all and I wish I hadn't have said anything. Can anyone help me with this? Thanks.
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female
reader, Richellcan  +, writes (14 February 2011):
I do feel you on this one. I'm 21 years old now and I have never had a boyfriend, kissed a guy, or been involved with any guy. My friends would also laugh at me for not having a boyfriend or first kiss. You should not feel sad about it because you've just prove your self that you know how to wait and discipline your self. A lot of girls lost their virginity because they are not thinking. What the matter the most is that you preserve your purity and believe me it's the greatest gift that you can give to your future husband to be.
So, don't be worry your not alone.
A
female
reader, snowie  +, writes (14 February 2011):
Honestly, trust your instincts and wait for the right guy to come along.
It's not always easy. Especially when there are couples everywhere, and most of your peers had their first kiss early on in high school (or before). I made a conscious decision, like you, to wait until I found the right guy. Personally, it was a few weeks before my 21st birthday that I decided to say, "yes, I would like to date you," and a few more months before I was positively sure I wanted to kiss him. You will know when you want to be with someone. If he is the right guy, he will wait for you and be realize that your lack of experience in this context is a very good thing.
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A
male
reader, airwaterearthfirebender  +, writes (14 February 2011):
 Power to you OP. There are men you are and feel exactly like you. Look for and find them, they are the best kind as far ad I'm concerned. The type of men I'd want a daughter to be with. While so many treat sex as a recreational past time, there are others who are waiting because they see sharing that intimacy as something special. Don't fall for peer pressure and/or allow others to make you feel bad about yourself. If they do and/or continue, then time to make new friends. For from it, I think you have a head on your shoulders, unlike many women (girls) your age. Many get involved too young and go too fast before they even know how do deal with relationships and/or who they're involved with. Consequently, they get messed up emotionally, impacting their future relationships. BTW, you're still young, you have plenty of time. Also, a man or boyfriend doesn't define you, unlike the sounds of some of the friends you associate them. They're new friends? But don't sound like good friends. You are strong, deep down they're probably jealous of your character. Otherwise, what's it to them? Chances are these 'friends' thought like you at a certain point but got cheated on or ditched or played because they got involved with the first guy who showed them any attention but ended up destroying their ideal vision. It sounds like you are more realistic, but selective and determined. Good on you. Just make sure you find someone who is and thinks like you do in that regard. A big part of that means finding out and taking the time to get to know a person. If you find a guy who you may like but thinks like your friends then steer clear and direct him to your current friends. As far as I'm concerned there is nothing positive to be had from someone who has had a string of broken relationships or sexual encounters...unless of course that's what you're looking for. Contrary to the propaganda that such folks will have you believe, this 'experience' does not automatically make them better lovers or partners. I liken them to bad drivers. They've been driving for years but they still suck at it. An intelligent person will quickly achieve the experience and 'sexual prowess' when the time is right. Key is finding the right person and knowing how to separate the real men from the real scumbags. Take care and thank you for your posting. Every once and a while it is nice to see a brighter light.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I have a friend who is 32 and is still a virgin, shes single but shes not a loser or anything,and shes got a great personality and has good friends, she just hasnt met the guy she wants to lose it to. Dont stress, you are very young and there's lots of time. Forget yr friends, they are being nasty and judgemental and immature, you will find someone, the right guy, who cares for you, when you least expect it often. The worst thing you can do is go out and lose it to some random guy, wait, till you are ready, seriously you are Ok. Yr freinds really are being mean.
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A
male
reader, BassiveMalls +, writes (14 February 2011):
 If they are judging you they aren't your friends. Don't change because society says you have to. Live your life at your own pace and don't worry about what other people think.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): I didn't kiss anyone until I was 20. I went on to have really great experiences of love, sex and relationships becuase I knew what I wanted and went after what I wanted rather than something I knew I didn't want. The key to a successful life is being honest with yourself and true to yourself and what you know in your heart you want, in my opinion, not how many guys or girls you pull. It sounds like this is what you are doing.Its normal to feel embarrassed or humiliated when you do something outside of the norm, and this behaviour is strongly individual. When doing what you think is right, try not to let any people, or the expectations of society, make you feel embarrased or humiliated. You should be proud of yourself for following your heart rather than social norms and expectations. It can help to know that you aren't alone, there are many others who make similar choices to you. Let people be shocked, its ok, but you don't have to turn their surprise into your humiliation. Its ok for you to be who you want to be, and I think there is plenty of wisdom in your choice. People who follow the norm are having sex at 14-15 which might be socially accepted but it isn't necessarily a good idea. You will know what is right for you, just remind yourself you are doing the right thing and hold on to your self confidence. Its a good idea to only kiss someone that you want to, and until he comes along, keep looking with an open heart. You won't have to wait long.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): When I was an 18 year old senior I used to think the same because I had never dated or been close to a girl but as a 22- year old guy being four years down I can definitively say that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with you and if you are just entering college or are about to next year your life and opportunities with the opposite sex have just begun! You should feel proud of yourself because you are waiting for a mature relationship which is impossible before you reach college age. As for your ''friends'' don't worry about them they are just a bunch of sluts who would kill for the position that you will have later in life and if they have very little regard for you, mabey they don't deserve to have you around as someone to hang out with, if you you have already decided that you wouldn't put up with a significant other that wouldlower your self-esteem then why put upwith someone of the same gender who you can't be sexual attracted to. One thing to always remember is to always go for quality over quantity when it comes to getting friends and dates. Another misconception that people have is that they imagine the mind of the opposite sex as being forigine and mystical and a 180 opposite of their own. We are very different physically but you will be surprised how shockingly similar we can be in the head. Join a club or speacial interest group and take advantage of opportunities that decent guys give you there and your life will be just fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2011): You are only 18 and have many friends, not 28 or 38 with no social life to speak of...it will happen! You are in no way a loser and you should not feel humiliated, just that you have higher standards probably. You will look back ten years from now and be thankful you weren't promiscuous, with a husband who adores you and a couple of kids to boot. Your close friends are just as insecure at this age as you are and most likely not with the boys they lost their virginity to.
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A
male
reader, The Realist +, writes (14 February 2011):
 My gf was like you in that she never had a bf till me and never kissed anyone. I am telling you as proof that at any time in your life the right guy can come into your life. I'm not saying wait around doing nothing because you do need to try and look but he may be closer than you think. Although my gf has expressed some regrets about not experiencing other people before me I can personally say that being through all of her firsts with her is something I will forget and I hope the guy who finds you knows how lucky he is. Who you are is not a bad thing and you will find the right guy. Try not to let your friends get to you. You'll see a world with you bf that they never will in that you can make everything special where as a person like me or them has no idea if their first time was special to the other person.
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A
female
reader, authenticgal +, writes (14 February 2011):
Your "friends" need to realize that there are people out there who are still single, are virgins, never dated, and are still "innocent" (if that's how you want to call it). Yes, they are judging and I'm sure they wouldn't want to be judge if they were in your position as well. Not everyone is living their kind of lifestyle. Dump those judgmental friends. This shows what kind of friends they are. Only gossipers. Don't care about anyone but themselves. I bet they don't care about each other but only themselves. Don't be embarrass. Don't allow their words to discourage you either. You're not only. I sort of went through that my high school but I still went my ways. I didn't allow my so-called friends to tell me how to live my life because most of them were miserable and were constantly gossiping about each other. I am GLAD to this day that I was never part of their crew because most of them became enemies when high school ended.
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A
female
reader, turquoise88 +, writes (14 February 2011):
well you shouldn't feel embarrassed or ashamed at your situation, you are still really young and most definitely not the only person at your age who hasnt been kissed yet. your time will come soon, hopefully with a nice boy who respects you. i in fact am a 22 year old virgin..sooo dont feel to bad. As for your friends sure they're going to be shocked, maybe you are really pretty and they just cant believe it, BUT if they give you crap about it, like make fun of you for the person you are, you should dump those losers. keep your head up, stand by the choices you make and dont feel humiliated because there is absolutely nothing to be embarrassed about!
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