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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi.I'm 18, I've never been really kissed (my first and last kiss was a little pash with a guy in year 4) i'm pretty ashamed because all my friends are no longer virgins and constantly ask me about who i've kissed and why i don't a have a b/f. I always tell them i don't wish to discuss my private life but it's just too much pressure and i wish i was able to join in, in their conversations about b/f's and sex etc. I'm concerned though , that i'll never lose my virginity i've never been asked out and i don't think guys are interested in me, they never show an interest even when i try and flirt and show my interest. I'm also scared when the time does come that i won't be able to have sex i can't use regular tampons the mini ones always hurt and most of the time i just use a pad. What can i do i'm just so confused.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2006): Hey, that's okay. I'm younger than u, & alot of girls in my grade aren't virgins. I'm still one, & cause I'm waiting for that special someone.
A
female
reader, Granny +, writes (10 July 2006):
 Don't be worried about the tampons, you poor girl. Use pads. Your problem with tampons is most likely a psychological thing as your so-called friends have obviously upset you. When you accept being proud of your virginity, you will lose that "little" worry about sticking things inside yourself. Perhaps you could try with a lubricating gel when inserting a tampon? If you continue to experience discomfort, please visit a gynaecologist for a check-up. At 18, you should prepare yourself anyway for regular check-ups, especially when you may need future advice on contraception. A visit to OB/GYN has nothing to do with losing virginity, only health.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): im 18 an i am not a virgin, there are four of us in my group of friends and 3 of us are in relationships (all over 1year)the 4th person was still a virgin until a few weeks ago, we never said to her that she needs to have sex but i think she felt left out. she ended up having sex with sum1 which we all advised against and she regrets it big time, what im saying is dont have sex unless its with sum1 u really care about and who cares about you, your friends may not realise they are making you feel left out so talk to them, tell them the way youre feeling
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female
reader, Natalie-x +, writes (8 July 2006):
 I think you're sensible to be a virgin! Ok, I'm only 14, but, I know that you should never just have sex with someone so you can join in a conversation. If you got offered would you take it by some random guy? I'm hoping you answered no.
When the time is right, your prince will show up. Until then, don't worry about it. As for not being able to have sex, of coarse you will! If you don't feel confident when the time comes, tell the guy you're with, and, if he's a nice enough guy, he'll help you through all your worrying.
Sex should be fun, not something to flaunt or worry about. So dont fret. Good luck!
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female
reader, kelbell +, writes (8 July 2006):
 i dont really know why toure so ashamed...im 17 years old and im a virgin as well,and trust me its a hard road to stay on in high school. i just graduated this year and im actually proud that i can say i made it through high school without giving in to the hype that surronds being a promiscuous teen. i think you should be proud too its a good example for a lot of young girls that it is possible. but its NOT a good example that youre measuring, in a sense, what you're worth based on your experiences with a guy. and that tampon thing...i totally feel you it hurts like hell! but my friends tell me that they went through the same thing before they lost there virginity. its obviously a lot easier now for them, but for me im sticking with pads for a while too.
lOvE, pEaCe AnD aLl ThAt JaZz~`*kel*`~
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): im a twenty year old male virgin and im not at all ashamed. I had a chance but when i was standing there, i realized that what i was about to do i would regret for the rest of my life b/c i knew i didnt love her and by saying no to her is one thing i will never regret. I know the time will come it's just not now. Virginity is one thing you cant get back and the guys will come around and see whats good for them...you
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (8 July 2006):
 My dear whay should you be ashamed to be a decent, respectable young lady? Most girls lose their virginity way too young and end up regretting it. They lose it to please their mates and end up paying the consequences. Dont be ashamed, I see no reason why you should be ashamed of being a virgin at 18, be proud. The right guy will turn up, when the time is right. Take care. xXx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): Thanks everyone for that. You've boosted my confidence more than enough :)
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 July 2006):
 You say "constantly ask me about who i've kissed and why i don't a have a b/f"...well there is an old saying that those who talk about it just aren't doing it...why would anyone be interested in your love life if they had an interesting one of their own? Lots of people lie about their sexual experiences because they are under peer-pressure to do so - that has been scientifically proven. There are loads of young women on this website posting about catching STD's, being heart-broken by men who used their bodies, worrying about pregnancy, worried about not being able to get a nice boyfriend as they slept around etc...sex isn't so great after all. Well, it can be nice but only really within the context of a loving relationship - sure, people have one night stands but if they enjoy them on a regular basis they are empty, sad, emotionless little people who are lacking something in their personalities as they move from one conquest to the next. You have to work on your self esteem to withstand peer-pressure and man-pressure. Self respect is about not allowing a man to use your body for sex at any age. You shouldn't see yourself in a bad light for being a virgin - keep it for someone special who will treasure you. I didn't finally get around to doing the deed until I was in my 20's because I knew that earlier boyfriends were just after sex to say they had done it. I don't regret hanging on until the right man came along. As for talking about sex with your mates, well you have to realise that there are certain lines that most people have about personal subjects. I would never discuss my bedroom antics with my friends, and I discourage them from discussing the every detail of theirs - there is something called 'too much information'. However, when I was a teenager I used to talk sex with my mates in every detail - looking back it was clear that none of us was actually doing the deed, just talking the talk.
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female
reader, Little_Laura +, writes (8 July 2006):
 I'm 17, my first real kiss was only about a month ago and I was feeling about the same as you until then. I'm still a virgin and the only one in my group of friends. I'm not going to use the old cliche of "soon enough you'll find someone". Even if it's true, you won't believe me but give it a bit of time.I always use regular tampons but I've never tried the mini ones. If regular tampons don't hurt, you're fine but if you're really concerned about something like that, go and see a doctor. I know thats hard but it will put your mind a rest if you have a good doctor.xxxx
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male
reader, tonsta +, writes (8 July 2006):
you are very few and far between, so many people jump right into sex nowadays its just stupid, you should be proud of yourself not ashamed. when the time is right it will be special for you but only do the act when YOU are ready dont jump in because of what people think about you. There are many a boy out there looking for a girl just like you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): Hello there! I'm a teenage girl, the same age as you, and I go to an all girls school. I therefore 'hang around' with a fairly large (there's about 11 of us), very close group of girls. Some of us are virgins, some are not. All I know is that none of us think any different of each other simply because some have had sex and some have not. Saying this, I have had conversations with a couple of girls who say they feel inferior because they are virgins. All u could tell them was that I know that their friends would not want them to fell like this, and that they are not judges in any way. Likewise, I have had conversations with girls who say they feel judged because they're not a virgin!! It seems at this age that we just can't win!As long as you respect yourself and do not do anything that you do not feel ready for, or comfortable with you will not have anything to regret.When I was a virgin, and my friends used to talk about sex, I would often feel left out. However, it is not hard to tell that they were often exaggerating, if not making things up altogether! About the tampon thing, I wouldn't worry too much. There's a big difference between using a tampon and having sex, (mainly because when you're about to have sex you're turned on, which tends to make things a bit smoother if you know wat I mean?!)Hope this helped a bit xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2006): First off you should hold your head high and be proud of who you are, it is really sad that you feel ashamed that you are less sexually experienced than your friends!Your friends are probably overexagerating their sexual experiences, I bet you any thing they are not as proud as they are letting on. A lot of sexual experiences when you are younger usually amounts to nothing more than rubbish drunken episodes and the fact is, they know far less about sex and relationships than they think they do.I would also guess that your friends are probably a little envious of you that you are still a virgin. Of course they would never admit it (unless you can manage to have a proper "real" one-on-one conversation with one of them) but they will on some level respect you for it, and if they show any signs of malice towards you, that is because they are in fact jealous. And if your friends do make you feel really uncomfortable? They are not your friends. Stick with people that do not make you feel inferior.Sooner or later, a guy will come in to your life and he will show himself to be really interested in you. You never know, it could be love. Imagine how great it would be becoming sexually experienced with someone you trust, and have proper feelings for. That is why you should not be ashamed of your sexual inexperience. Be proud of who you are, and that confidence will show through.
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