Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986  +, writes (16 November 2016):
What she did was very wrong when she spread lies about you after she broke up with you. But I wouldn't put it pass her if she wants to get into contact to do the same thing she did since she decided to contact to take advantage of you ten years ago. I am so sure nobody believe what she said about you in the first place. You don't have to be in contact with someone who spread lies about you at all that is up to you to talk to her or don't talk to her at all.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2016): Thank you again for the answers people .. I am still pondering what to do but tbh I can forget about it quite easily on the night time .
I just realised it was actually 12 years ..jeez time flys ha .
Sorry for the confusion so very confused .. I guess I just didn't want people to assume them was what I wanted to do
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (30 September 2016):
 It depends. I wouldn't be opposed to it. She may have just grown up and matured and looks back and regrets her actions. She might be sincere. If you are over it and forgive her, let her know. I see no reason why not.
However, you owe her nothing. So don't feel obligated, either. It's totally up to you.
If it were me? If I were over it, I'd write back and let her know it was all good.
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A
female
reader, Anonny  +, writes (29 September 2016):
I am writing from your ex's perspective. I know what it is like to have had a bad fallout with someone and for there to be some bad blood between you & hurtful untruths thrown around. But at the end of the day - it sounds like she is genuinely sorry - or why else would she bother to waste her time writing to you 10 years later on?!
What you decide to do is completely up to you. Forgive her if you must or ignore her & throw the letter away - but one thing is for sure - it's awful not being able to have closure & to put your differences aside, so just think carefully what's best for you.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2016):
 if she is making amends for a program then your response does not matter. so do not feel pressure to accept it or say "all is forgiven"
i think just blocking her is ok if that's what you want to do
as for why I said what I said you gave us two options you were not going to do.... i just thought that it odd that you thought of those even if you weren't going to do them.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 It seems you where both very young when you where in a relationship. At that age people make mistakes all the time. It hurt you a lot more than she probably ever imagined. I think she finally sees how horrible she was. Nobody can tell you what to do here, you need to do what feels right for you.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2016):
 OP
You don't OWE her forgiveness or anything else. DO what feels right for you. IF that means ignoring her, then do so. THAT is your right. Or tell her F off or... forgive her...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): Thank you again for the answer .... Yes that might be the case .
I roughly mentioned it to a couple of friends without going into details and they said tell her to f- off .
But I didn't want to do that at all . TBH I just wanted to ignore it but then felt slightly guilty for not giving somebody forgiveness if they are making amends for their wrong doings but I shouldnt feel bad for what somebody else has done . thank you again people
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): Maybe she is in a program...like Aa or rehab.In those they urge people to make amends to those they have wronged.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): Original OP here :
Hello Honey pie thank you for the answer . I must admit I am actually a laid back guy but sometimes can be overly nice . My Grudge is not actually against herself but rather what she did as it really knocked my confidence you see .
And I wanted a outside opinion if she would actually deserve remorse for it .
Thank you too so very confused .. I might of wrote it wrong or you might of read it wrong but I was just making sure people knew that these was NOT the options ..
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female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 Just ignore her. Sometimes its hard to look past the bad things that others have done to us. Seeing that you haven't forgiven or forgotten her behavior, just block her so that she cannot connect with you again.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (29 September 2016):
She is trying to make amends. It would be most adult to say "thank you" for the apology and move on.
I agree that after that you let it go.
I find it interesting that the only two options you came up with were romantic interest and calling her names.
If you are not ready to forgive her for youthful mistakes then just delete and block. but moving on is the best thing.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2016): OP Here :
Thanks Honeypie for answering . I must admit I am a laid back person and well can be a bit too nice at times you see .
It's just the thing she had done really knocked my confidence levels way down so the thing that has affected me is what she had done as opposed to it actually being her . I actually hold no feelings of hate towards her but wanted an outside opinion if I should give her forgiveness . I am the worst person for focusing on the past and not the future you see lol . thank you again
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2016):
That is entirely up to you.
Personally, I think it's time after 10 years to let go of that old hurt and put THAT in the past with her.
So I'd tell her all is forgiven but that I want no further contact from her. You COULD also take this opportunity to let her know just HOW her actions affected you. Get if off your chest.
After that LET IT GO. She can't change the past and neither can you so why hold on to that hurt and pain? Live in the present and look to the future.
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