A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Try and keep this brief.Best friend has form for allowing guys to treat her like a doormat. She's been single ten years and approaching 40 and she's suddenly thrown away all her previous dealbreakers - must have plenty of time for her, not have been previously married, not have kids - for a guy who is separated (won't comment on why not divorced), three kids and has so many hobbies he makes little time for her.Recently we were away for the weekend and she tells me that for the last week and a half he's gone much quieter on her - takes ages to reply to texts, very short answers - whereas previous six weeks, long, quick replies all the time. Up until that walk and a half, they'd be on the phone messaging until 1 am.Saturday night she texts him and asks why he's gone so quiet (she can't ring, no signal where we were). He replies back that SHE is the one who's gone quiet on HIM, which is totally untrue, she's been messaging as much as ever. She asks what he means, seeking reassurance all is OK, and stays up until 2am waiting for a reply that never comes.Next morning, she can see he is on Facebook (he has only been on it three months and has hardly any friends on it) and hasn't read her reply. He must know it is there and if he has few friends, he must know it's from her. He finally looks at it two hours later but doesn't reply for another hour.Excuse for the accusation of her going quiet was that he'd been to the pub, sent it as a laugh and fell asleep. I don't buy this, if they are usually awake until 1 am. Excuse for not replying to her text asking for reassurance is he was that he read it, had to drive to a tennis match, so couldn't reply. I don't buy this, would taken 60 seconds just to set her mind at rest.She was in tears, convinced SHE'd done something wrong, that SHE'd "fucked it up". She accepted these excuses as if all was totally fine. I've since found out she has talked about this guy to other friends and they've told her "repeatedly" that if she isn't happy she should bin him.So, clearly, she isn't happy and there must be more stuff going on I don't know about if others are repeatedly telling her she should bin him. It's eight weeks in, should be all hearts and flowers.I think he's a wanker. Am I right?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2016): I think your instincts are right. If I were her, I would definitely drop him. You're right, it should be all hearts and flowers at this stage and the fact that it isn't and he's already behaving like this is not a good sign. It just shows he's not really interested and I think it will only get worse. She's also already making excuses for him, not a good sign either. In my experience, if a man really likes a woman and wants to see her, to talk to her he will find a way, however busy he is and even if it's only for 5 minutes. If he doesn't or can't I think he's not worth the time. Your friend deserves better.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (29 September 2016):
 Eight weeks is not a long time in the dating world. But yes it does sound that he is becoming less interested in your friend. Classically blaming her. I think your friend should stop trying to contact him and then she will see just how interested he is. I am sure it is difficult for her as she really likes him, but his behavior is showing that he does not feel the same way. Try and be there for her as a friend, advice her gently and take her mind off things.
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