A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just recently found out that I was still communicating with an ex I dated years ago. There is nothing between us but I promised not to keep contact with him more than once and this was the final straw. My boyfriend says he can't trust me so the relationship is over. I love him and I can't let him go. I know he still loves me but he's disappointed and can't trust me anymore. What can I do to get him back after breaking the trust more than once? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks everyone who answered my cry for help. i appreciate your candor and i have taken everything said to heart.
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I understand where your boyfriend is coming from. I would wonder why my partner chose to keep in touch with an ex. I don't know if that makes me weak, but I know I would wonder.
Even after you said you wouldn't do it anymore, knowing it bothered him, you still thought it was worth the risk. That tells your boyfriend that the thrill of the contact with the other man was more valuable than his wishes.
Some people would suggest that he had no right to impose those restrictions on you. That is possible, depending on the tone of communication with your ex and the factors around the situation. Either way, yo made the choice to agree to his terms and then broke your word. Whenever we find ourselves in a situation that is causing grief, it's always better to get things on the table as opposed to making the water more muddy by deceit. It's easy to explain your point before the deceit but next to impossible after wards. That is because beside the explanation being understood, there is also forgiveness involved. That is sometimes hard to give.
The only thing that rebuilds trust is time. That can only happen if the person allows you the opportunity to prove your worthiness. If not, it's a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 First of all, I'm wondering how your b/f found out about this. Did you perhaps leave evidence lying around (sort of on purpose), or let it slip out during a casual conversation? Some women thrive on the need to make their mates jealous because it helps them feel more important and secure when they can rouse the green-eyed monster in them. But this is a dangerous game and if you've been playing this game, you're now getting burned. Secondly, have you ever asked yourself why it's so important for you to keep in contact with your 'ex'? If there is nothing going on between you two, then it shouldn't be so difficult to simply stop e-mailing or texting each other. People need to learn how to let go of their former lovers, and move on with their lives. When you try to remain friends with an 'ex' it will almost always get in the way of your current relationships and cause problems. I don't know if you can actually repair the damage that's been done to your current relationship. But you can learn from this mistake and maybe it'll take losing someone you love, to wake you up and keep you from making the same mistake later. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 This is a tough one. Trust lost is very difficult to restore. Another agony aunt suggested this link:
http://www.ehow.com/how_2004257_build-trust-relationship.html
I hope this will help you.
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