A
female
age
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*ill47
writes:I believe my relationship of 8 years is over. The past 2 years haven't been too good for either of us due to my belief that he was seeing someone else. I'm sure he had a fling but he made a lot of effort to keep us together. Alas my trust was not as it was and it's ruined things; we kept arguing. I walked out of his home two weeks ago after he said he didn't want a dead relationship and he hasn't made any contact.My question - do I ring him? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, gill47 +, writes (15 February 2008):
gill47 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou for answering. The big thing I picked up on was that if there was a leaflet then there was condoms. I asked him about it and he said that he didn't know where the leaflet came from and that it has probably been there for a long time, which I know isn't true. I reakon I'm fooling myself because I don't want to believe that he has been unfaithful but I know in my heart that he has. He said 'please stop thinking bad things of me'. I really don't know what to do. I've not mentioned it again, I don't want arguments. I either have to stay or go, which is difficult because he is a good man. How do I find the truth?
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 February 2008):
 Sorry it has taken so long to answer. It seems to me that your mistrust is still there, but I can't say it is entirely without foundation.
Actually there's no way for you to know when he joined that website. Maybe he was already a member before you left him. And then, if he had the leaflet, he had the condoms; when he used them, again, you don't know. But I do believe there's some grounds to suspect.
His only reason to be there is dating new people. If he's an active member, we don't know. Has he given you any other reason to suspect him?
I don't think people start suspecting others just out of nothing at all. I'm sure there were reasons that made you suspect. Perhaps that hasn't been settled and you're still feeling bad about it.
I suppose you have to give him the benefit of doubt for as long as you don't have any concrete hint that he's actually seeing someone else. But his joining the dating site makes me suspect.
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A
female
reader, gill47 +, writes (3 February 2008):
gill47 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI took in all of the replies and decided not to ring him, it was about 2 weeks later he rang me. My mistrust issues were still there but I had nothing concrete to attach my beliefs to so I let them go. Every thing has been fine but now 6 months on I have discovered that he joined a dating club people2people, when I don't know but it was probably when I walked out and who can blame him. The problem I have now is not knowing if he is still an active member. I would of thought not but I found in his sock draw at the bottom a leaflet about durex, no condoms just the leaflet. I'm staying cool on this one but can I have an opinion on this. What reasons could he give for it being there?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 That depends. I don't know why you thought he was cheating on you. Was this a hunch, or did you have some concrete proof?...If it was just a paranoid hunch, and we women sometimes get these bizaare feelings that aren't truly justified -- then perhaps you should call him and tell him you're sorry for wrongly accusing him, and see if he's willing to try the relationship again. But I honestly don't think he's interested, or he would've been calling you by now. On the other hand, if you have concrete proof that he was cheating, it may be time to just let this one go. Because like I said, if he was seeing someone, and you've moved out, and he hasn't called you by now, that's a sign that he's already got one foot out the door anyhow. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (27 July 2007):
If you can get yourself to trust the man, and you won't go back to more of the same, do ring him.
He must love you, but he won't take you back unless there's a change. Would you take him back if you feared he would walk out of your home? So, talk to him from your heart, but, first, do find out whether you can forget your fears.
Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, daglish  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Thats where we should learn to always think twice be4 we act.. Am sorry am having pains getting any kind words for you because walking out of a relationship was never to be a solution in first place. Its unbelivable that your now ex went to pains to keep the relationship and you could see it yet you still felt he betrayed your trust.. The only problem you failed to deal with is that u kept record of your hubby's wrong which is definately not love. Now the good news is that a man can never let go of a woman he love or once loved unless its her decision to erase him out of her life. By this i mean that even if this guy hasnt contacted yo fo 2 weeks it still remains a fact that u spent a solid 8 yrs 2gether. He will have no problems letting you back as long you go back to him as soon as u need him. Remember he still needs to have sex with you nomatter how many women he comes across . this is becoz thats what melts all men. So just set the bait and he will 4get u ever walked out on him.
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A
female
reader, Helen Help! :) +, writes (27 July 2007):
 NO NO NO dont ring him honey 8 years is a long time n to be honest if you dont trust him there is no point in gettin back togeather anyway u cant have a relationship without trust im my opinion n if he hasnt made contact with u then leave him be he may be hurting like hell or he may not give a dam use this time to get over him start new get ya hair dun n go shoppin see ya girly friends n bitch about men n ina few more weeks if u can cope then give him a call or a text jus ask how hes doin all he needs right now is time and so do u good luck :)
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