A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:Hello, please help me! I'm in a relationship I can't get out of and depressing me so much I don't want this relationship anymore. Ill start from the beginning, me and my bf have been together nearly a year, weve known eachother from being little. He moved to my school last year not knowing anyone apart from me, when he got to our school he asked me out but I didn't want to go out with him at the time he kept nagging and nagging me so I agreed to it. Then I found out he'd been saying dirty things to one of my friends and she wasnt exactly trying to stop it. Then he told me the only reason he said that was because he was jealous of my ex because I still was t over him. Anyway after he begged ad begged I have him another chance, throughout the first 9 months we werent that bad I wouldn't say I was 100% happy because I wasn't we argued a lot. He says he has an anger problem, and he does push me around alot, (not to the extent where he punches me) but he drags me, pushes me bites me puts his fist in my face, and I have to admit I've retaliated but that's been in self defense. So in the last 2 months we had a big argument and split up.. The reason being was he was talking to a girl on Facebook he used to talk to girls all the time on Facebook and I couldn't understand why, if it was wrong while in a relationship or was I being paranoid anyway one day he spoke to this one particular girl an was saying things like "good girl" to me that's flirting he said it wasn't, but alot of people I asked said it was. So I confronted him about I was prepared to let it go because it was only a small thing but then he started saying he wish he'd never met me, saying other abusive language. Oh and he calls me names all the time makes out like I'm stupid. Anyway I ended falling out with all of my friends because of him, I'll tell this story to(they both link) the friend I mentioned earlier who he flirted with, used to be very jealous of my relationship it was obvious and this was because her boyfriend cheated on her, and I think she wanted the same to happen to me. Whenever I spoke to him on Facebook and she was with me she used to turn the laptop off or snatch it off me, she cried once because I was talking to him. Anyway one day I'd had enough of it I told her I was sick of her controlling me and I didn't want to be friends with her anymore. Then me and my bf fell out again because of the reason I mentioned earlier about him talking to the girl on Facebook, and what did he do go straight to my friends and be all best friends with them, the one I've mentioned said to him she never got to see his good side because me, when I was the one always sorting out there bickering they were always at eachothers throats. So they acted like best pals, then I found out all my friends and my bf had been speaking about me behind my back calling me this taking the absolute mess about of me. All my firends apolagized and said they didn't want to lose me as a friend, but I refused to forgive them what they said about me was evil and I decided I didn't want anything to do with them again. As for my bf he said he only said one thing about me which wasn't as bad and only said it to go along with them. I forgave my bf because if I didn't I'd have no one. But now I've found out everything and I just dont want to be in this relationship no more I can't trust him and he keeps saying he's going to change but he's said that so many times and he just hasnt. He's done to many things for example:1He once again spoke to the controlling friend after we fell out and when they were acting like best pals, in a dirty way and once again she didn't try to stop it. 2 he spoke to another one of my friends asking if shed go out with her telling her he loves her bearing in my mind we had been split for no more than about a week.3 he spoke to another girl who I know through my bf, telling her he loves her and went to the cinema with her and lied about it 4. after we got back together he went on holiday with his brother brothers girlfriend and her friend and he had a picture with his brothers girlfriends friend in there swimwear with their body's pushed against eachothers. 5. I've only just recently found out he's been going on dating websites theres nothing on them because I've looked, but stil I asked him why he did it and he said "I don't know" and I said you do know your just not telling me, everything you do you know why you do it, you don't do it becaus you don't know.6. I was logged into his Facebook and he spoke to a girl nothing inappropriate but then he deleted the messages, because after they wernt there. The thing is he's done all this but none of it is his fault as far as he's concerned. If I talk to a boy on Facebook I'm doing something wrong, even if I show him, when I found out he had done all that I started to like Somone else(while we were split up) but nothing had happened it was early days and we were just talking. But when he found out about this he flipped, but I dont understand I'm not the bad one here am I? The only reason I'm still with him is because if I'm not while im in sixth form I'm alone, I'm hopping to move but it's going to take a while, please help I don't know what to do :(
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best friend, facebook, flirt, got back together, jealous, my ex, on holiday, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (28 September 2012):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thankyou, I've left sixth form, and starting at a different one so of I leave him I won't be alone
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 September 2012):
 OP ! You don't know what to do ?... Pardon me, I don't want to be rude , but... are you off your rocker ? Hallucinating on psychedelic drugs ?...
I remember well the whole saga with the barbecue girl and the vacation girl and how nothing is ever his fault ecc., I guess more or less we all told you watch your back, he is clearly sneaky and unreliable and he is not into you as you want him to be.
But, what you did not say , or at least if you did I did not see your postings about it, is something that makes null void and irrelevant anything you have written today, about the controlling friend and the FB flirting and this and that. That's all stupid silly irrelevant hogwash, it's really not worth for anybody to spend time mullling over it, neither you nor the Aunts.
What only counts is the first part : he drags you pushes you bites you and puts his fist on your face ??? Do you think this is NORMAL ? Do you think it is acceptable ?....It's NOT and if you have half an ounce of common sense, it leaves you no room for any other decisison than dumping his sorry ass ,like, yesterday.
Oh so he has an anger problem.... Who frigging cares : He can go tell all about his anger problems to his shrink.. or to his parole officer ( no doubt that sooner or later he will get one, if he carries on this way ). What makes you think you should be at the receiving end of his anger problems, that you'd have to have anything to do with them at all ? " Anger problem " is an explanation, but surely not a justification ! You are not a counselor and not a social worker - you should be with some guy who has no anger and no problems.
" You don't know what to do " - oh my sainted aunt.
So, if you leave him, you'd be all alone... says who. You'd still have the family , friends and social associates you have now, and, if you are bored with them, you can meet new people and find new friends , and a new boyfriend too. It may take a few months, but I fail to see how being alone and being single for a period of time can be worse than spending the same period of time being pushed around, insulted, made a fool of and humiliated by this nasty bf of yours ! The way you describe your relationship... even being marooned on a desert island would feel like an improvement !
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