A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why can't I move on, why is the pain still so raw? I split with my husband 3 months ago due to him cheating on me. I want to be able to move on, I want to smile again so why can't I. I still love him and wish I didn't because he as changed so much since he got with her and I don't like the person he now is. His family have all said it won't last, all his family is againt him and her family are against them too. I would like to believe it won't last between them but I know I don't want him back because as I say I do not like the person he as turned into and the pain he caused both me and our son was and still is so bad. His family have been fantastic and really supported me through it all and been there for me when I have needed them. I just want this pain to go away, they say it gets easier to deal with but it still hurts so badly. He came round last night to bring our sons birthday present for him and he ended up staying to put it together as there was so many bits, he helped give him his tea and put him to bed etc and I really enjoyed it, my son was so happy, it was almost like the old days before he did what he did...we had a laugh! I just don't get him. I'm glad we are able to get on for our son I really am and he doesn't normally come round like that, he normally takes our son out, it was only because he wanted to bring the present and there was no way I could of put it together on my own. Maybe I shouldn't of let him stay, all I want is for this pain to go so why am I still feeling like this? I know I would of taken him back early on but I am adament I won't now as my son deserves the best in life and so do I. I just need advice from people that know how I feel and have been through the same, please tell me that one day I won't feel this pain no more because right now it doesn't feel that way. TIA
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male
reader, iateadonut  +, writes (24 July 2011):
It's really great that you're working through it. It's nice to see you looking for support. I guess maybe your friends are tired of hearing about it, and it's probably time for you to stop talking to them about it except every once in a while. It hurts SOOOO bad. I'm sorry for you, but I'm really proud that you are so strong and so smart for leaving right away.
A
female
reader, avine12  +, writes (3 July 2011):
I completly understand what your going through i left my husband hes been cheating and i havent filled for divorce yet but im feeling so sad without him but my advice to you is forget him and move on you will be able to find someone who really carres for you and your child and respects you ..
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): "Why can't I move on, why is the pain still so raw?"
Because it takes years, not months, to move through this terrible thing.
I've been there, the first 3 months was awful, horrible.
Don't want to ever go to that period of time again.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 OP, it's only 3 months. Give yourself time. I know that when you are in pain 3 months semm like an eternity, but... it has to be expected, I can't think it could be in another way. This was your HUSBAND, the man you were planning to spend the rest of your life with , that you trusted enough to give him a child- not some guy you met at the club and brought home for some fun, and if he cools down , oh well.
What you feel right now it's normal and inevitable, and it will die down and eventually go away, if you keep doing the right things, i.e. looking forward , not backward, focusing on your child and his happiness, keeping yoirself as busy as you can, and seeing the glass half full. you don't have anymore a bastard of a twotiming husband, but you still have a chilod, family, friends, your health, your youth,- yourself and your life, to sum it up.
In the darkest moments, focus on what you alreday know. he is NOT the man you want, not the person you thought he was, not a man you can love. So, your loss...is the loss of expectations and dreams, that may be painful too-but not the loss of something good and positive for your life.
Keep your chin up- what leaves your life, leaves because it has no more place in it, and leaves an empty space to be filled with something better.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2011): One day you won't feel this pain anymore.
I feel for you and i do know how hurtful it is when someone you love, lets you down so badly. Its cold comfort but many of us have felt exactly as you do now. You are doing great to be able to bite your tongue and allow your ex partner to come to the house to help with your sons gift. Well done you! It must have been hard for you but wonderful for your son to see you and his dad being civil. I hope you can maintain that level of dignity for your sons sake.
Lots think it is the break up of parents that causes so much damage to children. But from what i have seen for myself. The manner in which the parents behave toward each other after a break up can cause far more damage! So if you can carry on in a semi normal fashion in front of your child and not be tempted to disrespect his father in front of him, you will have a much happier, well balanced little boy.
I read somewhere that after a split. It takes 3 months for every year you were together, before you start to feel you are getting over things. So hang in there. Also, it may sound odd. But if you have any of your ex husbands personal belongings around that you smell, ie an old T shirt or sweater. Throw it out! Scent plays a huge part in our attraction to others. If you continue to smell his scent it will keep 'topping up' the receptors in your brain that make you crave for him. So go 'cold turkey' and don't be tempted to smell anything he once owned.
Fill your days with things that keep you busy and look after yourself. Try not to imagine the scenarios that might send him back to your door. Even if he did go back to you it probably wouldn't work. I tried again with an ex partner and it was no good. He wanted to try again but i found it too difficult. I had a miserable 2nd time with him and had to end things. It wasn't long after, that i met someone far nicer and have been with him ever since. It may not seem like it now but in the near future you will feel much better than you do right now. Take things a day at a time and look after yourself x
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