A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 29, and have been dating a 40 year old for a little over 6 months now, when we first got together, he joked all the time about sex, but never made a move. Said every other relationship he was in, he was in bed in the 1st week and he really liked me and wanted this to be different. In January we had sex one time (and that was only because I made him feel guilty and asked what was wrong with me), and that was the ONLY time in our 6 month relationship. I can't even get him to french kiss me. We talk about it all the time, and he says to be patient. But what should I do. I do not want to live the rest of my life never being french kissed and having that closeness/intimacy. He says he loves me and I practically live at his house at his request. But lately i find myself getting resentful and angry and taking it out on him, because i know i desire more. What should i do? What if things don't change ever, have I invested too much time already or should i give it more? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2011):
 Honestly, intimacy and affection do NOT require penile penetration....
intimacy and affection include kissing and cuddling and hand holding and sex can be fingers and mouths and strap-ons or dildos and vibrators as needed...
IF a man who had ED is affectionate and cuddly physically and emotionally intimate then there hopefully can be ways to work around the lack of erections...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2011): I am having a similar issue, only we are both in our 40s, and he has told me he loves me and wants to make love to me, but there definately is an ED issue. Yet he has made no effort to see a doctor- he doesn't want to quit smoking or lose weight. I love him and dislike ultimatums but it's unfair to expect patience without giving a reason to trust and wait. No effort = no change. Everything I read says to be a loving and understanding without pressure or anger. I need to have intimacy in our relatonship. It is on my mind always since that's the only place it is. Help. I do love him
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A
female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (15 May 2011):
 I am sorry to say, but your relationship is not normal!
He's not being completly honest with you and in a relationship, trust and communication is very important as I am sure you already know.
He says: he loves you and wants to take things slow? Absolutely lie!
You are a young healthy woman, your emotions, feelings, desires are very reasonable. Just make sense, besides the friendship, communication, the intimacy is important and part of the relationship. Its natural..
Everybody here are giving you the same advice: have a honest talk or move on...
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Minelisse  +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I'm with stront on this one. I would think he has sexuality issues and/or has medical problems with his sexual drive. You need to have a heart to heart conversation and see what is going on. If that does not work, maybe it is time to move on. Feeling desired and receiving pleasure from your partner is needed and natural. It is okay for him to have issues, but not okay to let them affect you.
Best of lucks!
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A
male
reader, zcgby678  +, writes (14 May 2011):
Best thing to do in your case would be to talk to him. Let him know it is bothering you and making you feel trapped in a spice-less relationship. IF HE LOVE YOU, he will alter things otherwise you better book yourself a one way ticket out!
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (14 May 2011):
 I think you should tell him what youre feeling. Tell him you are young and you want to make love and have that intimacy with him.
You never know he may be having some intimacy/ erectile dysfunction problems, so just ask him and tell him how youre feeling but do not let him make a move again out of guilt. You should want him to do it because he wants to.
as i said just talk to him honey :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2011): Sounds like he may have an erectile dysfunction. Sorry to say this is common in men over 40 so it sounds like he may be avoiding intimacy so he doesn't let you down. Its a difficult one. I would be surprised if your relationship can survive this. It often happens when couples have been together a long time and they hit middle years. Conditions such as diabetes or heart medication can cause this. I could be wrong but the lack of French kissing is an indication this could be the case.
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A
female
reader, leylaness +, writes (14 May 2011):
 hey. i sounds like this guy has alot of intamacy issues, and he needs to get help with that. You arnt happy with the way this realtionship is so it doesnt sound to me like it is going to work.My adivce is that you should leave him, he needs to be on his own beofer he can solve his problems and you shouldnt be dragged into them. i knwo you proberbly love him so much but it doesnt sound like your getting anything out of this relationship infact it sounds as though u are losing out.you might have inveested alot of time into it but you dont want to invest anymore on somthing that wont work out goos luck sweetie i hope you get everything you want out of life :) x
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