A
female
age
51-59,
*tal
writes:My husband and I have been together for 26 years, married for 18 years. We did things kinda backwards, had kids, bought a house and then got married. The baby is getting ready to go to college this fall and I have been struggling with what to do with my life after she leaves. My husband however is not struggling and could care less about my feelings, and has started to find hobbies (which I'm not saying is a bad thing, I would like to do that too) to do, however he seems to find things that I do not enjoy and have no interest in doing. I have asked many, many times if we could do other things that I might enjoy too. Every time he gives me an excuse, like "what would I do there, there's no gold there," or "I hate sitting in the movie theater, its too loud and uncomfortable." I have given up asking to do things I want to do. The problem is he doesn't care if I go with him or not, I just stay home by myself. At this point he has crushed my feelings and I am ready to give up on my marriage. I didn't sign on to this marriage for me to be this unhappy and alone!! I have tried to talk to him about it, but he is not listening and doesn't think it should be a problem for him to do what he wants. Any ideas on how I can get him to realize how big of a problem this is and how to work to make things better? At this point I am very bitter and angry.
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female
reader, agneeman  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 Mark Gungor's "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage" google it.
I am weary to give you advice as my own marriage is rocky at the moment, and I have not been married half as long as you. Gungor has a theory on this very situation which I think will clarify what is happening here. I will leave it to him to share it with you, as he puts it so much better than I could. Either go to a seminar or buy the dvd.
God bless and good luck...
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (30 July 2012):
 You are resenting the fact that when the baby is all grown up, he wants his freedom while you want to connect with him. It's not his fault that you are not interested in his hobbies. I think you should let him enjoy his hobby. It doesn't mean you sit at home and do nothing. You can go to the gym, volunteer, have your own hobby without him. I find the most diversed couples enjoy walking together in nature, no I don't buy that "theaters are too loud and uncomfortable" excuse. It all sounds like your focus was on children and now they are gone you don't know what to do with each other. I am curious about how your sex life is with him. Without good sex, there is basically nothing. There may be underlying issues you are not covering here. You'll have to see if this becomes a parallel marriage or are you just staying in this because you have kids together.
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A
female
reader, agonyauntsanonymous +, writes (30 July 2012):
Actually you did sign on to it, remember for better or worse? Well this is worse. Do you two ever go out on date nights? How is your sex life? Why dont you go with him do one of his hobbies then go out for a romantic night. Or plan date nights. Tonight we are going to the movies, then what you want to do, and dinner. But you definitly should get your own hobbies. He could be feeling smothered. There fore is overwhelmed with how u feel and thus is acting as if he doesnt care. Dont feed into him though hes just adapting to married life as it is now. But its no excuse. Try getting new hobbies and suggesting date nights.
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A
male
reader, downonmyluck +, writes (30 July 2012):
hello, I think there might be some solutions to your problem. As far as doing something together, I think you really need to work on some sort of a compromise were you share his interests & he shares some of yours. Do you work? Maybe if nothing else, getting out & getting a job will atleast get you going in the right direction & you can have some sort of work to keep you occupied.Or you might try some volunteer work. Between the two, working or volunteering you might even find someone that shares the same interests! Hope this helps!
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