A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey all.I need to talk to someone about this.Today I gave notice in my job and I feel utterly deflated. Having been in the job for less than a year, everyday in that office has been a living HELL - to put it mildly.Despite being qualified with honors, I am treated like absolute crap! Hoping when I took this job that it would be a chance to utilise my marketing skills, I'm nothing but the glorified office goafer! I believe repect is earned through hard work.. but despite being the only employee in the office that puts in the extra hours (which isn't acknowledged by either time in lou or extra pay), the staff treat me like their slave.I am one of those really nice, gentle people that would never hurt a fly. My biggest weakness is that I find it hard to be assertive and set boundaries. If someone asks for my help with something, I have trouble saying no. Everyone in my company knows this.. and rather than appreciating the extra work I've done, they have just utterly exploited me till breaking point. So today I gave notice, mostly because of a particular 'assistant manager' the staff refer to as "Swanny" (because she just swans around all day and no one knows what she does). This girl has hated my guts since day 1 and there has been NOTHING I could EVER do to win her over. Only a few years older than me, I can't help but feel like a naughty 6 year old everytime she speaks to me. Despite the fact this woman does absolutely NOTHING AT ALL during the day, and is NOT my boss, she's always made me feel like I'm answerable to her. She clockwatches my breaks and despite being half an hour early to work most mornings, she will still yell at me in front of other staff if I'm a couple of minutes late back from lunch!I finally decided to leave because I'd had enough of the bosses favouring her every whim. She has had more annual leave this year than I can count and I have been denied one day off since I started.. because SHE doesn't like answering phones. I took three hours off one afternoon to go on holiday. That afternoon, she yelled at me in front of other staff and she complained to my boss about me relying on her to cover the phones while I'm away. It was one afternoon that was cleared with everyone in plenty of time before I left!Oh, I also had a week off to have an operation. It was unplanned and when I arrived back at work, she had had to cover for me. She had written a massive report to my boss about how she feels I am incompetent at my job because I had not had the time to create ONE marketing booklet and that she is losing sleep over it because it falls back on her. I was absolutely SHOCKED.I've felt for a long time that there's some malicious backstabbing going on behind the scenes - you know how you just get that all-too-familiar feeling? Yesterday, while she was away, I checked her little notebook and found two pages of notes just about me. She's been making a list of all the things she dislikes about me including things like, "didn't wait for me to eat my apple before she took her break".. "office is messy".. "didn't do the dishes yesterday so doesn't care about the office."This girl's day consists of 45 minute long conversations with her friend at the other branch.. two hour lunchbreaks, personal emails.. chats with other staff about their weekend plans.. and sending out template letters to clients - without exaggeration.. THAT IS IT. The bosses for some reason protect this woman.. and she only treats me the way she does because she thinks she can get away with it.. and she can. I thought, when I walked in there today and resigned, stating HER as the reason, that the bosses would put up a fight. I am the most diligent worker in the company! Instead, they said they were sad to see me go and were sorry the bullying had happened. They acknowledged they knew it was going on and told me it was because her friend had wanted my job and missed out because of me.After all the extra hours I put in and the relationships I've built with our clients, I thought they would fight to keep me - especially over someone that sends out postcards for a daily job! But they are willing to say goodbye to me and let me leave quietly to cover HER incompetence. After many nights lying awake thinking, I came to the conclusion that this woman was targeting me because she was trying to deflect the directors' attention away from the fact she does nothing in a day. It was very obvious. So I thought my resignation this morning would upset her.. because it would put the limelight back on her. Instead, she has been dancing around the office, acting erratically happy!!! That's been the most hurtful thing to take.. she's absolutely over the moon and can't contain her cheerfulness. It was so over the top, I asked my boss to tell her to calm it down because she's making a fool of herself. I'm just wondering, have any of you been through this? Why do people do this? How do they manage to sleep at night, tormenting others all day? What did I ever do to this woman for her to hate me so much? The notes she took on me were so spiteful.. like the sort of notes someone would take when they absolutely HATE someone. I have never even stood up to this girl once. I let her petty comments roll off my shoulders.. well.. I attempt to.. instead I go home and have a glass of wine and a howl.Why do these people do this?
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female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn  +, writes (29 September 2010):
SHE MIGHT BE SLEEPING WITH THE BOSS BECAUSE THAT IS CRAZY .....if i were u i wouldve talked to the boss supervisor n get proof of everything such as video of how she acts in the office, anything i could find n shut her up!
A
female
reader, AuntieSnap +, writes (28 September 2010):
Hi there,
It sounds like she has been given enough rope to hang herself. Maybe the bosses were waiting for this opportunity and hopefully you can retract your resignation. DO NOT FEEL GUILTY WITH THIS OUTCOME she has brought this upon herself and its all her own doing. Karma as I have already said is a very powerful force and I firmly believe in it. You will probably go in to a standing ovation tomorrow, as there are probabaly loads at work that were terrified or loathed her. Well done for standing up and telling it straight and by doing this it proves that you won't take crap and does'nt it feel good! Situations like this make us stronger and you will find that you feel more assertive and not so willing to take tasks that other should be doing. Please let us know what happens, and best of luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Wow!!! Thank you for the advice everyone.. especially the latest post by AuntieSnap! I totally feel for you. I am SO SORRY that you have to suffer through this crap like I have. I'm happy to hear things ended well for you.. and the asshole finally had the spotlight put back on them where it should be.
I have been the victim of bullying by SOMEONE most of my life. There is something about ME that attracts them like flies to shit! I have no idea what it is.. but there were two particularly bad bullies in two other jobs, but the bosses always sided with them.. and it wasn't until I left that I heard about the string of others that had been in my positions and had left for the same reason. I don't understand how companies can't see how much money these people waste everyday!! And it's ALWAYS the most useless workers, those people that panic when given more than one thing at a time and are forced to delegate it out - the buck passers, the deflectors and the lyers and cheats!
My my how the tables turned today. This morning, a co-worker who was aware of what was happening rang me and told me after a meeting with the big bosses yesterday, the dog has handed in her resignation! She's been so quiet and serious for the last two days, as apposed to her manic state of insanity on the day I resigned! I'm actually feeling afraid now. This girl would NEVER just LEAVE her job. She THRIVES on the environment where she can do nothing all day! They must've given her the hard word. I know for a fact that when I resigned three working days ago, she had not handed in her notice. I was told by this cooworker that she "blames herself" for what's happened.
I am literally afraid of the backlash now. The good NEVER win..... what's going to happen? When I'm driving to work tomorrow, is someone going to shoot at me as I go down the street? Bullies ALWAYS make sure they get their own back. I'm literally shaking in my boots. Nothing's official yet and I've been told to keep it quiet, but OH MY LORD.. can you believe this? I can't wait to hear more!!!
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A
female
reader, AuntieSnap +, writes (26 September 2010):
Hi there,My blood was boiling as I read your problem. The unfairness of it all. People like this pathetic excuse are making life difficult for you becaue they are jealous and insecure. Jealous of your qualifications, personality,the life you lead and insecure because they know they will NEVER be as good as you so they constantly undermine your confidence in yourself and your abilities as it makes them feel good about themselves by doing this. By picking holes and criticising your work performance they are taking the heat of themselves and their own inadequecies. They are always looking over their shoulder because someone worse than themselves always come along at some point and knock them off the no1 spot. I firmly believe in Karma, "what goes around comes around" and it will happen to this horrifying individual with avengance. They were probably bullies in school and got away with it therefore they think that they can get away with this behaviour now. However she may be having a hard time outside of work and is taking out on you which is no excuse but might be something to consider. That aside I think she sounds a thoroughly vile and self-centered individual how is only interested in herself and her own gains. Dont whatever you do let her get away with it. She will only do it to someone else and then the problem never gets resolved. Consult a lawyer and threaten your bosses with a tribunal if they wont sort it now and put the frighteners on the nasty witch big time with a nice jargon infested lawyers letter. Give her a taste of what she has put you through. Have a word with colleagues, you might be surprised how may would be willing to get rid of her but may be scared of reprocussions from her but if you all band together its a sure fire way of usurping the bullying cow. Why has nobody stood up to her before now? It sounds like they are all terrified of her and what she can do. Nobody should be allowed to exert that amount of negative and manipulative power. Shame on your bosses for letting it get this far in the first place!! Get someone to keep notes, leave a tape recorder/dictaphone or camcorder running somewhere, sneaky and underhand I know but look what she has done and contrived to get people into trouble, and nail the b****. Also sounds like she has something on the boss if he is willing to allow this behaviour. Be strong and follow this through otherwise what happens if you find youself in a similar situation? And yes, I was bullied by a line manager many years ago and made to feel like crap so I know how frustating and upsetting a situation like this can be especially if you know you are good at your job. I found the courage to lodge a complaint as I really loved my job and didnt want to leave. I was moved to another department and had a half hearted apology from the person who unfortunaltly didnt get sacked but stayed where they were, however I have since heard that they have left the company with a stress related condition due to mass complaints from collagues and clients as they were totally incompetent at the job they were paid a huge amount of money to do!!!! Yayyyyy, there is justice our there, it just takes a wee while to kick in.Hang in there and remember, the truth will out in the end.Hope this helps and the very best of luck for the future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Hey everyone.
I have been too hasty in saying that I have never stood up for myself. The day she yelled at me, I stood up for myself. She just looked at me with this sorrowful look and said, "Now, we don't need to do this do we?" She LOVED the confrontation.. and she knew it took me the whole day to muster up the courage to do it!
I have complained to my boss.. many many many times. I have asked him what she does all day... I've told him that she clearly has too much time on her hands to micromanage me. I told him she was making me miserable and affecting my job and that other staff had commented on her behaviour. He talked to her, told me she completely "clammed up" and said she "had no issues" with me. (Despite me knowing about these email reports and notes.. which I'm NOT supposed to know about). If he knew I knew about these things, I could be instantly dismissed, as it's an invasion of privacy.
Anyways, my boss was waiting on her to arrange a meeting with ME.. but she had been stalling on it for weeks and weeks. He said if she didn't arrange it, he would do it himself and mediate. All good to say it.. but it had dragged out for weeks and I finally had enough of waiting.
She takes two hour lunchbreaks and has friends come into the office and see her, almost to RUB IT IN MY FACE that she can do what she wants. I have relayed to the boss that this is going on to give him a chance to set things straight, as he SAID it's one rule for all i.e. half hour lunchbreaks etc. But nothing at all happened. She knows she can do anything she wants.
And no, this girl doesn't work hard. She is relatively capable with computers (no more than me), but she refuses to help people, share her knowledge. If someone ASKS her for help, she will give it to someone else. She's a buck-passer. She can't handle more than one task at once.
While I'm dealing with her, I am sinking further and further behind in my work as everyone dumps their shit on my desk. I am the only ADMINISTRATOR in the firm and therefore it's sole charge.. no one ELSE can do my work so I cannot delegate. Yesterday, I tried to ask an administrator from another branch to talk me through a process, but the marketing manager (who pays her administrator out of her own pocket.. don't ask.. strange arrangement), PIPED UP because I had asked for two minutes of help and that was money out of ANOTHER marketing manager's wallet. DESPITE all the extra things I've done for everyone else to PROOVE I was a VALUABLE employee. I just want to work as a team, help people and have those people do the same. In reality, I feel like an absolute slave.
Anyways, I can't YELL as loud as this girl.. but I have made my boss WELL aware and I have kept on at him about it.. so much so that he said it's tiring him out! He doesn't do much at work and HATES CONFRONTATION.. so he just avoids the topic with me when he can.
When I resigned yesterday, the company owner actually TOLD me he'd known what was happening and was sad to see me leave. I was shocked. He knew?? UMM.... So why am I left alone to take this shit???
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A
female
reader, Myrrh +, writes (23 September 2010):
 With respect, she did this to you because you allowed her to. You should have filed a grievance against her for shouting at you at the very least. Employment laws cover bullying in the work place. And what she was doing to you was/is bullying. If your employers know the bullying was going on and youve also cited that as the reason you are leaving. Then they should be addressing this matter. You may have a claim for constructive dismissal. So do look in to that option.
Even if you arent prepared to make a fuss about leaving, atleast mention to your employers that you feel this is constructive dismissal. If you do that, they will start treating this matter with the seriousness it deserves.
Also, have you ever considered studying basic employment law or seeking some assertivness training? I think both would be of great value to you. Armed with some training and knowledge of the law, you will never find yourself in this unfortunate position again...i promise you.
All the best and dont let this situation get you down. Learn from it. There will always be idiots like her. We cant change them. But we CAN learn how to deal with them efficiently and very effectively x
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A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (23 September 2010):
I think you could make a formal complaint.
If your boss acknowledged to you that they knew this bullying was going on and yet did nothing about it, then you should try and speak to someone about this, in case it happens to someone else.
Is there someone higher up than your boss? Or a formal complaints procedure?
You need to start putting your foot down, however, and stand up for yourself as much as you can. Don't get like her, obviously, but be more assertive. I'm sure this nasty woman wouldn't have got away with so much if you had put up some sort of fight earlier. She has probably pushed and pushed as far as she can go.
I'm not condoning her actions at all, but to a certain degree it works both ways. You need to look at the complaints policies and see how it could work in your favour too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): Hi,
This is very common in the Marketing/MR environment.
Also, now you know how much many of the ethnic minorioties(EM) have to endure..everything that you describe is what I have had to put up with & worse all my life here in the UK.
But in my case it was because I am an EM ie non white British (for 5x generations) even though I speak english better than many of my "native" collegues..but I dont complain, I just get on with it.
Good luck and dont let the B**stards get you down.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 September 2010):
 People do it when you let them. You need to take care of yourself in this harsh world, and maybe the bosses let you go because they felt you gave up easily.
Clearly this woman must be capable of something since they still have her there, and she has covered your work even though she has made a point to complain about it all the time. Well, if you were as loud mouthed as her you could have out-done her in the yelling department. And I suspect that would have at least made the bosses see what a b*atch she is.
Bosses can't really fire people as easily as they can accept that a person quits their job. It is a LOT easier for them to accept that you leave, versus "fighting" for you (like you are some damsel in distress) and then fight this other woman as well!
How do people sleep at night? I am sure I have stepped over a few bodies here and there and I sleep well. We don't really think too much about it in the long run, because sometimes people need to learn how to stand on their own legs. A very common way to think is that if people back down then they weren't strong enough to deal with it in the first place.
Now, I am sorry to hear what happened to you. You have been bullied at your workplace and that shouldn't happen. In an ideal world, it wouldn't happen. Many places they have a special office that deals with the workers well-being, and to whom you can report to when bullying in the office occurs. Other places you take it to the boss and complain. Like this other woman complained about you. But you didn't write a counter report.
Don't allow this bullying to happen. I accept a lot of things to me as well, and I am not so assertive. But I have looked at others and stolen a few tricks here and there. First trick is to not say yes or no right away, but think about it. Then give your answer later on, preferably a short "no" or just through an e-mail. No excuses. You don't owe anyone excuses for refusing to do something that is not your job. If you are unsure about what is your job read up on it and be clear. Stay on top. Know your rights. And remember that first and foremost you are responsible for yourself, and yourself alone.
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