A
female
age
41-50,
*hatnext
writes:I’m in a real dilemma. I met this guy about 4 years ago. He thought he met the love of his life. Me, I was just coasting. I’d just been dumped from a long term relationship (six years). My head was all over the place. He always bent over backwards to accommodate me, he was serious about getting married to me. I just wasn’t ready for a relationship. Even to the point he lent me half of the money I needed to buy a luxury car.In my head I decided I no longer wanted to carry on with this half baked relationship. I couldn’t think of a good enough reason to get rid of him, so I told him a rather unforgiveable lie. As horrible as it sounds I told him my dad’s passed away and I needed time and space. I know this is very nasty of me. I thought it would kill two birds with one stone, I’d get rid of him and I wouldn’t need to pay him back. And bless him; he was so nice. I never heard from him for three years. I don’t want to sound like I'm pushing the blame onto someone else, however at the time I had a rather ‘nasty’ friend who did this kind of thing all the time. So she'd try to justify my actions.All this time, I’ve felt really guilty. I never enjoyed my car. I always had it in the forefront of my mind that I’d mistreated someone. Normally, I’m a very reasonable person. I've never wronged anyone, I'd normally put myself out to accommodate others. So this is really out of character for me. Now for the first time since I borrowed that money, I’m in a position to repay him. So I called him, he was lovely as ever. We agreed to meet up. But how do I face him, knowing what I’ve done?My guilt is really depressing me. I need to tell him the truth, that’s the least he deserves. And looking back, I’d definitely say he was the nicest person I ever met. Unfortunately, when we met it just wasn’t the right time. I still have strong feelings for him, but after he finds the truth out he’s not going to want to know me. Help I’m desperate, how do I tell him I lied about my dad dying?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): jUST DO IT STRAIGHT OUT, no pause. otherwhise you won't get round to it
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Tell him the truth, give him the money and dont expect anything out of it.
By repaying the money and telling him the truth you will at least be able to look yourself in the eye. At present you cannot do that.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Hi. What;s done is done. Dont; tell him aboutthe lie!! Why not send him a cheque or arrange to have the money paid into his account, then email him telling him you are too busy to meet at this time, then don;t meet him until you are ready... if ever. We all make silly mistakes and tell silly lies when we get in desperate situations - don;t beat yourself up about it- just try and move on.YOu are doing the right thing by paying him back. : o) Take good care. NatMArie x
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): Hi
Yeah, I agree with the two posters here. But, if I were you, I'd be very carefully of breaking the truth to him in a gradual, gentle manner. He is a nice and a sweet person... and you wouldn't want him to scar for life and then think twice about being nice to someone again, right? In your desire to come clean, do be mindful of easing him into truth!
And, yeah, please return every cent you owe him... congrats on wanting to come clean.
Love and best of luck
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 Firstly, I would give him every last cent you owed him. I wouldn't say anything to him, I wouldn't try and chit chat and I would sit him down. I would ask him to listen to what you are about to tell him and if he gets up and never wants to talk to you again, that you will understand. You really need to prepare yourself that this is what will happen and if it does, don't beg. What you need to do is come clean in hopes he will forgive you. Not that you need him to. You did something that some people will never understand and so he may never will understand.
Tell him firstly that you have always felt bad and guilty for what you did and that at that time you were not in the right mind frame so your actions were poor, you know this and he was an unfortunate casualty of your poor judgement. Then you tell him that you lied, your father isn't really dead and you are sorry. He will more than likely ask you why you lied so be prepaired to tell him the truth. That your heart was not in the relationship at the time and that your past relationship left you so jaded you took it out on him. You wanted an end to the relationship and all responsibilities related to it.
If he has heard your explination and is still there talking to you, tell him once again you are sorry and that you hope that the money you owe him will be taken as a gesture of good faith to put things right. If he does, maybe, just maybe you guys can be friends. This doesn't sound so hopeless and there is more positive than negative. Its just how you are going to handle this.
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): My advice would be just to own up and tell him. The money will not mean much to him as he has already written it off, but coming clean and being honest will.From what you say of i don't think he will be that mad and if so he will get over it quick, the being honest is the important bit and telling him why you did it.If you don't tell and he falls for you and then finds out, then he will be off quick as a rat up a drain pipe.My guess is he knows that you was lying about your father dying which why he did not contact you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): I think it is really good of you to pay him back the money as it would be so easy to just disappear and conveniently forget about it. We all do awful things when we are young. Arrange to meet him and give him the money back. I am not sure if there is a purpose to be served by you telling him you lied about your Dad as the reasons behind it might really really hurt him unless it is because you hope for a future with this chap and then at some stage it will come out anyway. I did something very similar to an ex boyfriend who i also wanted to dump by telling him my mother died - she was really ill and infact she did die a month later and I still feel awful about it now and we are talking 20 years on but unlike you I didn't have the guts to tell him. If you do want to get it off your chest just tell him exactly as you have told us. Again though I would tread carefully as this will hurt him a lot so be really sure before you go down this path.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 If you have it within you to tell him the truth and cop his possible disgust and anger, then you're three parts of the way there. Most people who do shitty things to others cant even admit it to themselves, let alone the person they crapped on. Pay him back the money, and tell him what you just told us. Most of us make dumb mistakes in our lives but it takes a gutsy person to admit to it and wear the consequences, and he might know that. Personally I hope he forgives you and gives you another chance. Good luck :)
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