A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job a few months ago and met a guy there who I got on really well with. I knew he had a girlfriend of a year and a half so I wasn't expecting things to go anywhere, but we started talking outside of work and eventually met up. He told me he'd broken up with his girlfriend to be with me, but I found out he hadn't. I confronted him and he apologised and said he realised what he had done was wrong, but that he was breaking up with her. True to his word he did, and we went straight into a relationship which was really good. But about 3 weeks into it, he became really distant and was avoiding me (not texting or seeing me) so I asked him what was wrong but he wouldn't tell me. Eventually he said that he did love me, but that he thought we'd rushed into it and that he thought we should break up and start over, and do it properly. I could see what he meant so I went along with this, but he was still distant with me. The other day he told me he couldn't see me because he was ill, but when I drove past his house I saw his car wasn't there.. when I texted him saying it was over, he asked why. I didn't tell him I'd driven past his house, but I asked where he was and he said he was round his grandad's because he was ill. I left it at that, because I didn't know whether to believe him or not.. then later on that evening I saw him driving his car, when he'd told me he was still round his grandads. I told him I'd seen him driving so he was lying to me, and that it was over. He told me he didn't need all this right now, and that he was picking up his nan to take her there and that he wasn't lying to me. I know he's talked about his grandad being ill, so my heart wants to believe him.. it's just from listening to other people telling me what to do that I told him it was over between us. I still love him though.. I just don't know how he feels. Help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2009): The best advice that I can give here is to tell you to trust your own inner guidance/intuition. Sounds like it is speaking loudly to you.As an outsider looking in on your story it appears quite clear to me that you jumped into this situation with your blinders on and ignored some obvious signs that were there for you. Having said that, I think most people have been in this type of situation and it most certainly is a way for us to learn and grow as well as begin to discover the art of practicing discernment. I would suggest stepping back from all of this and take a cooling off period that will allow you to be distant enough to hear your own inner voice. The man you are attracted to jumped from one woman to another and what that usually does is make a person's head spin with uncertainty. He has also shown a side of dishonesty which is pretty huge and should not be ignored. You have the power within you to remove yourself from the web that this chap is spinning for all involved.I am almost certain that you can expect the other woman to step up to the plate and take a stand as well...how does that sound for starters?You deserve better than that. Be strong!
A
male
reader, Guitarboy  +, writes (9 October 2009):
 A common mistake young people make is to tell their friends every detail of their relationships. This makes it very difficult to hear your own thoughts, your own feelings because you friends begin to "steer your boat" not you. The second problem you have here, is that this guy did sort of lie to you at the beginning of your relationship, which now makes you mistrust him. This is his fault. Not yours. If you decide to do a "do-over" you can't give your friends so much information. It will cloud your judgement and influence you completely. You must also tell him, that he gave you a bad impression because he lied about breaking up with his former g/f/ At any rate, don't keep throwing it in his face. Say it once, make it clear that you are suspicious of him because of the initial impression you made about his truthfulness (or lack of it). Then try to start over if you can. I do think he was probably telling you the truth about being sick, and being at his grandad's. But he's also sending mixed signals by being "distant" so he may just not be ready to be involved with anyone. Usually when a guy breaks up with a girl, he needs some space. Otherwise you'll just become the rebound girl. I hope this helps you out.
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