A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been told that in order for a relationship to remain healthy, one must let their SO hang out with their friends without having a problem with it. Totally understandable and that's how my boyfriend is with me.Just in advance, neither of us have ever cheated on, lied to, or broken promises to each other. We trust each other completely and it's remained this way for over a year (since we started dating)... but I think I'm a controlling girlfriend. I really, honestly try not to be. He hangs out with his friends every Sunday night for six or more hours and if he's still awake enough, he comes over to hang out with me and we ask each other about our days.Now, I haven't had full-on girl to girl hang out time in literally months because both of my best friends (whom are both girls) are married and out of state. Just two days ago, one of them came back from a year in California because her husband has to go to Texas for military training for the next five months. We hung out earlier today for a few hours and it was really nice. We caught up on a lot of stuff and it was just nice to be with another chick my age who I really know.Onto the point: When my boyfriend wants to hang out with his friends on a night other than Sunday, for some reason, I feel so... weird about it. I really don't understand why. I do trust him because he's definitely not one to cheat. I'm just wondering why I feel this way when he says he's going to go out with his friends to a bar or something. Am I just being insecure? I try my best not to freak out about stupid shit like that but I'd like someone to clarify this for me.Thanks...
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 July 2011):
I think the problem is that he has friends that he can hang with, and he also has you - whereas you only have him because your friends have both moved away. So you're entirely relying on him for contact of any kind, and because you're becoming more and more dependent, you're becoming more and more controlling and desperate.
Of course, as you'll be aware, this behaviour does drive men away. And that's why it's good that you've come here to ask for advice, because if you let this continue at some point he'll make a run for it.
My advice to you, is for you to somehow start making other female friends. You need to join a club, a class, or meet people at work or whatever.
You are insecure, but it's not because of your boyfriend or his nights out. It's because he's the only person you have right now. Therefore, you need to be making new friends so have other outlets and other friends.
A
female
reader, ayeshaH +, writes (23 July 2011):
what you feel is a commonn feeling. iv seen a few girls feel like this.
however, sometimes its good to see each other less some weeks because you can get sick of each other if you're around each other constantly no matter how much you love each other.
as long as you trust him and know he will never do anything wrong while out that will hurt you while out with his friends then its ok for him to hang out with his mates.
you should try to find some girlfriends to hang with while hes hanging with his friends. having time with friends is important to just loosen up and have a laugh.
hope this helps
xx.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2011):
 Ego. You feel ,maybe not too clearly, "How come ? Here I am, willing, free and available,....and he can give up time spent with lovable , adorable me in favour of some crummy friends ? Should not he WANT to be with me as much as humanly possible ?... Then, maybe he does not love me as much as he says. Maybe he prefers other people to me... or he will at some time in future ". You are in the same shoes of a toddler that has begrudgingly come to terms with the fact that mommy goes out to work every day ( in your case, the "mandatory " Sunday evenings that you acccepted to keep your relationship going ) but NOT with the fact that every now and then mommy wants to go to the movies with a girlfriend. Noooo ! Waaaahhhh! Mommy is mine,mine,only mine. Mommy must love only me, must like only me, if she gets to like someone else same as me, then my wellbeing and happyness, and even survival chances, are severely threatened and I am screwed.
They call it anxious attachment modality.
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A
female
reader, desperatebaby  +, writes (23 July 2011):
I think if you continue to feel this way, you will get more and more upset...so the best thing you can do is focus on yourself...When your boyfriend hangs out with his friends, you can pick up a good book or watch a good movie! I think you need to be more secure...since you trust him completely, there's nothing to worry about right? He'll appreciate the freedom you give him :)
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