A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a married man. I am 23 he is 29. He is willing to leave his wife for me. She lives in another country.I don't know what to do, because ever though we are deeply in love with each other, i don't want to break up a family. They have children together. His wife knows nothing about me.He lied to me at the start, telling me he was single but then i found out he was married,but it was too late... my feelings for him were already strong. I was devastated, but foolishly i carried on seeing him.I want to just forget him altogether, because i dont want to ruin a marriage and i dont want to cause pain to the wife.But its really hard... we both love each other and he is even more in love with me than i am with him. He wants to get divorced and marry me... Maybe i should move on but the way he treats me is so special, i dont know if i can find that in a man again! We are soul mates. We live as one, he buys me everything, gives me all the affection a girl could want and treats me like a princess. We are both so happy together. I have never experienced that before!He has confessed to me that i am the first girl he has fallen in love with and he never felt this love for his wife. A month ago, i cut off all contact with him because i know its not right to be with a married man, and he was so devastated he moved to a different city as he was worried he would see me with a new man. He settled into a new job there but we got back into contact with each other and we are both so sad to be separated.I havnt seen him in a month now and i want him more than anything else in this world. PLEASE HELP :/
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divorce, married man, move on, soul mates, soulmate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (3 October 2012):
If only I could have a nickle for every man who was "going to leave his wife," I could make Midas look like a pauper....
A
female
reader, swordandredrose +, writes (3 October 2012):
If he's willing to break up a family for you then one day he would break up with you for another person! You should always keep that in mind that a cheater is always a cheater.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2012): thanks so much everyone. I won't talk to him anymore. you're all right. thanks for making me see sense.
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A
female
reader, Stayc63088 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 He's so in love with you and willing to get a divorce... What's stopping him? You separated BECAUSE hes still married, so wouldn't he have then gotten a divorce to get his soul mate(you) back, rather than leave the city...? It doesn't appear that he means what he says, I'm sorry. Listen to honeypie as it is very good advice. His actions don't match his words. Also you should check out this great article written by Cerberus. It reminded me of you instantly. http://www.dearcupid.org/question/women-actions-speak-louder-than-words.html
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Did he leave his wife after you went NO CONTACT?
because sweetie, IF he WAS going to leave her that would have been the perfect time.
you left him
you told him you can't cope with his being married.
he said he would divorce his wife
HE had the perfect opportunity to PROVE to you he means what he says... and he did not...
ASKED and answered.. he's not leaving his wife.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Just curious... Is he of another nationality then you? Or is England his native country as well?
Honestly, I would cut the contact after telling him that once the divorce is final he can call you. However, don't sit by the phone and wait for that call..
He lied to you about being single.. that is how he reeled you in and then he spoiled you to keep you.
I think this guy will say anything to get to keep you on the side. But I seriously DOUBT he will actually divorce his wife. SPECIALLY if it was an arranged marriage.
He moved to a new city and got a new job _ JUST so he wouldn't run into you and a potential date? I call the BS card on that too... What a load of emotional black mail CRAP.
Look at his actions.. Listen to his words - do they match? not one bit. But he knows you are young and naive and that is why he has you wrapped around his finger.
You are in for some serious heartache and regret if you stay in this relationship.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine +, writes (20 September 2012):
 I have heard that same "song and dance" before... I was in the same exact situation about 10 years ago. Promises of leaving the wife then we will live happily ever after... yada yada yada. It's all a big lie! He is stringing you along so you don't leave him. You are his little side piece & it will continue that way as long as you stay with him.
Don't be sloppy seconds to anybody! You are young and will find someone 100% available. One day you will look back at this ( as I am doing now ) and realize that you are too good for all of this.
ps. ** Think about his wife and kids and how they would feel if they ever found out that daddy is a liar and a cheater... Something to think about **
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A
female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (20 September 2012):
 I would be very surprised to learn he had left his wife for you. He is dishonest and you know he is.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Tell him to divorce his wife immediately and show you the papers. If he was serious, he would have atleast initiated the process by now. And don't fall into his arms until he's divorced his wife and settled issues.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): Leave that married man alone. Be strong and cut all ties with him. You will recover and yu will be glad yu left him. By clinging onto him you are just causing more pain to yourself. And you will always feel guilty for being a home wrecker. He is a liar and a cheat and you dont want such a man fo a husband. You will meet a nice young man who is not married. Take heart.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Hi
You should have remained in no contact, that was the right thing to do.
IF it is true love tell him to prove it and not contact you until he has his divorce papers in his hand to show you, child maintenance and all the other ends tied up. Only then will his actions show he is serious,up to now all you have is empty words and promises.
Until he does this for you, he is not available and nothing has changed. He will probably find a new girl in his new city and cheat on his wife with her.I would let him get on with it if you don't want to break up a family.
Distance yourself now while you can,there are single men free to meet and have a relationship with you,who will make you alot happier in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (20 September 2012):
 He's not going to leave his wife for you. Saying that he will is one of the world's biggest lies, kind of on the lines of, "The cheque is in the mail" and " I'm from your government, and I am here to help you."
Wake up OP, he's lying to you, he's lying to his wife and he's just fooling you. Getting involved with a married man who's obviously a liar and a cheater isn't the best of starts. Today he's cheating on her with you, tomorrow he'll cheat on you with someone else. The fact that he's an ace liar is already established. Dont fall into the trap. Get out of it while you can.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2012): First of all he has already lied to you about being single, if he told you one lie he will tell you another lie, so my advice to you is, once you found out he was married you should have moved on at that point, leave that woman husband along, if he leave his wife for you, he will leave you for another woman. How would you like for someone messing around with your husband?
This is why there are so many divorces because of people like you. What makes you think you're so special that he won't leave you. I'm a single woman but it troubles my spirit when I here women dating married men and men dating married women.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (20 September 2012):
 Regardless of any other considerations, how do you know that he is willing to leave his wife for you ?
Because he said so ?... Yes, but... didn't he say too that he was single- and then you found out he was married with children ?..
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