A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hey all! So my boyfriend and I just got together officially. I noticed in the first month that we talked quite a bit and he initiated the conversation a lot of the time, and he would always call me in the evenings before bed.When we got into the 2nd month, I noticed it was less and less. He still called me every night, but the texting was less. Now we’re bf/gf (3 weeks) and unless I text him, he won’t text me until the late evening, like between 8-10pm and this is usually when he comes home from college on the weekends. He goes to school an hour away and during the week we’ll communicate more but as soon as he gets to his parents house, is when I notice the change.For example, I know it’s probably stupid, but I texted him first this whole past week, usually between 12 and 2pm. But the one day I didn’t text him, he didn’t contact me until 8pm. And his way of “contact” is he sent me a funny video through Instagram and I just said “Lol” and that’s it. No call, no text.He tends to sleep in really late on the weekends, until like 4pm because he goes to bed late at like 5am. Yesterday I assumed he woke up at 4 and was busy but when I FINALLY gave in and called him at 10pm, I asked him what he did all day, he said he woke up at 2pm and played basketball with his friends all day. All I think to myself is.. How do you have time to text/call your friends, but you can’t send a simple text message to see how your girlfriend is doing? He has time to log into Instagram all day and like everyone’s pictures (except mine) and he has time to sit around the house and do nothing and play basketball, but not send a txt? It’s literally ALWAYS me texting him. It makes me feel like he doesn’t want to talk to me. He says that’s not true and then he’ll say that he just didn’t text me and there was no reason behind it. Or he’ll say “I messaged you first, I didn’t hear from you all day” and he’s referring to his Instagram video Or, “you didn’t text me all day either so it’s both our faults”. And I understand I can text him whenever I want, but because I’m always doing it, I’d like to see him miss me too but sure enough when I don’t text him, I will not hear from him until the evening.. I feel like I’ve exhausted my feelings on this, and there is no way for me to win. He continues to do it without thinking about it because he probably thinks it’s not a big deal.Other than texting, I have no issues with him. He’s a great boyfriend, but I would think that he would want to talk to his gf, not just send a funny video on the days I don’t text him first. It’s to the point where I just don’t want to even put in any effort at all and just not speak to him unless he speaks to me. Should I press this issue more or just let it go? I feel like I’m nagging and I don’t want to be that girl.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2018): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt’s true that he is otherwise a good boyfriend, the texting is the only issue. And as I said, I noticed this issue happens when he’s not away at school. We see each other 3 to 4 times a week. This past week I spent Monday, and Tuesday with him and then Friday night we out to the movies and he slept over at my place. During the week, he’s a lot better at texting and calling. But Saturday and Sunday are the days I hardly speak to him because it seems like he’s just sooooooo busy but idk what he’s busy with. His family I guess. He’ll usually contact late at night and call late at night and sometimes I’m already asleep. It’s annoying.
Sure enough though, Monday he’ll be back to normal.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2018):
 Do you both actually spend quality time with each other instead of relying on messages and phone calls?
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 I'm usually a busy person and tend not to respond to my texts for days at a time lately. It kind of irritates me when people get annoyed with me for not answering their, "how are you doing", texts (lol) since to me, my busy schedule takes priority over small texts.
Look, it's not a major train smash; if it annoys you to text first, don't text first... wait for him to check in. Provided, of course, that you can actually wait a few hours without feeling unloved.
I don't think that it's a personal attack, I just think that he gets caught up. Especially since, in the beginning of a relationship everyone tends to put their best foot forward in every faction (time,attention etc)... now; you guys are beginning to settle back into the routine of your lives (especially him, with college I mean).
Don't sweat it. At least I wouldn't. Try to occupy your time with more meaningful activities other than checking your phone for a text from your guy. Ease up and enjoy the early days of your relationship.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2018): You've reminded me of something for which I'm thankful for....
When I was your age, I didn't hang onto every mans phone call or text or when we would see each other, I just knew we would see each other, I didn't know when but it would and did happen.
The times I would get annoyed was when He said he would see me and didn't turn up at which point it's a gonner for me, I never have respect for men like that and neither should you...I knew that they were cheating/lying - I just knew, but he would be like "but I always come home to you".
Be No 1 and not a No 2??!
Now this does apply to you somewhat, you are young and I gather he is. You have had your 1st gush of loveydoveyness and now things slow down and take other more complex routes... he'll call you when he's ready and if you feel he's being a jerk behind your back or even blatantly, then it isn't Love and he must vacate!
if you feel love for the man/boy then call him (or whatever you kids do;)
But don't pester him that is not Love - Ever, he knows and it will push him away and he will be the jerk you have concocted in your head. There is a huge amount of sixth sense in relationships and if you don't want that then don't do it. This is a relationship kiddo in the real world and if you can't do it - Don't! If you want him to go secretly then you are feeling the right thoughts and doing the right things, human beings are more than technological contacts!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): "He still called me every night". Before handsets were produced this was not possible.
Anyway here is my thoughts:
Try this, don't text or call him, just let him act without being asked or initiated. Eventually he will contact you, even if it takes awhile, he be more prompt at initiating contact with you.
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A
female
reader, Anezka89 +, writes (2 April 2018):
If it's not working for you dump him. You need to meet someone that will. He's being mindless or just taking you for granted. Bfs don't behave like this. I mean they don't text you 24/7 but they tend to text you first thing in the morning, maybe a bit in the middle of the day and then call you after work or text you at night. That's not normal. Maybe for him it is but in the long run it's not going to work for you. You can't change him. You can only remove yourself because it's not working from you, it's making you feel sad. Not good.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (2 April 2018):
 "Other than texting, I have no issues with him. He’s a great boyfriend"
So, he's not "perfect" in your eyes because he doesn't check in with you during the day when he is doing other stuff.
My advice, for what it's worth:
1. Be grateful for a "great" boyfriend.
2. Keep yourself busy during the day with other things.
3. Try to understand your boyfriend has a life away from you.
4. Don't be such a control freak and stop nagging him.
View the relationship holistically and you will see you are very lucky. Don't sweat the small stuff. Just learn to live with it.
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