A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice, 4 years ago I started dating my best friend, we were together for about 8 months and it was perfect! However I made mistakes in the relationship such as being too close to her and so i drove her away and didnt handle the break up well. For the past 3 and a half years we havent spoken. I have been with my current partner for coming up to three years now. However back in November my ex had some health issues and so when her friend contacted me to say she was struggling I made sure I was there to support her. Ever since this we have become great friends again. However I am now worried that I never really got over her and I am now falling for her again... I really dont know what to do!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2018):
 I don't think it is a great idea getting back in to a friendship with your ex. It is clearly messing with your head and confusing you. You have stayed with your current partner for three years that must mean something surely. If your ex split up with you then there was a reason for that. I would hate for you to get sucked back in and leave a relationship only for your ex to hurt you again.
A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (3 April 2018):
 I think that you need to understand that this previous relationship has probably had it's time. Especially since you're now in a long term committed relationship mostly ever since you broke up with your ex... which I suspect is the problem. Maybe your new girl is the rebound, hence your feelings for your ex are flooding back. I think that it takes years to get over a serious relationship in all seriousness because it takes quite a while to adjust to life without that person and completely move on. You may not have taken the correct amount time needed for YOU to heal because all of our situations are different, of course.
Perhaps, if you're capable of falling for someone else while with your current gf, that's an indication that your current relationship isn't where it should be either? It's possible. I don't know the ins and outs of your relationship but there's a lot more to be said in your post. A lot more that needs to be clarified.
Perhaps, you need to take some time to figure out what it is that you want but most importantly; what it is that you NEED. After a few months, if the feelings for your ex are still there (with completely broken contact), go for it... if not, move on.
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A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (2 April 2018):
 Why would her friend contact you? That's extremely odd. You hadn't spoke in 3.5 years but suddenly you're the one she needs to speak to? Something is fishy here.
If you're completely stuck then why don't you ask your gf what to do? I'm sure she would love to help you decide how to deal with your ex. It sounds like your GF doesn't mean much if you're questioning your relationship over this situation. Doesn't sound like either of these women are right for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2018): Then end the connection between you and the ex!
You've made a new commitment. Be a man and stick with what you have. You can't bend every-which way the wind blows!
You have a new relationship to nurture; and you can't maintain both at the same time. There is someone new in your life who has taken risks with her feelings. She has invested time and trust in you; so now you come-up with some nonsense about an ex. Back when you were some impetuous 18 or 19 year-old adolescent!
Time to learn something about real commitment, my friend. You blew it the first time but you were just some high school kid who didn't have a clue. Those relationships back then were just trial romances while growing into manhood.
You're now an adult in a relationship with a grown-woman.
You're not a teenage-kid anymore; now you hold someone's heart in your hands, and you want to go back to some ex.
People need to learn how to value trust given to them and appreciate what they have. The first was lost, and three years have grown between you. That was a silly puppy-love romance.
Reality-check, you're feeling nostalgic and those feelings between you and the ex could wear-off. Your hormones have got you thinking below the waist.
You have someone who is presently in your life already. What's the plan, just dump her like a bad-habit?
Grow-up!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 April 2018):
 I don't think there is such a thing as being too close that causes a break up. I can understand being obsessive, controlling and smothering though. Anyone who said they need space as a precursor to break up is usually not that into you. When your ex got sick, she was aware of the frailty of life and suddenly missed how good you treated her. She likes your support but I am not sure if she can really love you back the way you want. You were both so young then and you both changed. You can be reminiscing the old times but even if you want her back, she might still just wants to be friends, for you to pick her up only when she needs it.
If there is a thought of breaking up with your current partner to be back with your ex, it means your partner doesn't mean much to you anyways. You have to determine how happy your current relationship is, whether it is missing something that makes you want to go back to an ex.
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