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... Send *ensitiveBloke a private message | | | *ensitiveBloke's profile:I am a Christian and my life experiences and advice are shaped by my faith.
I always try to offer advice that lines up with the Bible's teachings on relationships.
I'm a passionate believer in marriage, and will always encourage husbands and wives to do everything they possibly can to make their marriages work.
I'm not here to force my views on anyone, but I hope I can give genuinely helpful advice whenever possible. |
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Am I expecting too much not to be moaned at?
Q. Hi I'm 21 and I have a husband and a 8 my month old little boy. I am in serious need of some guidance. Basically it been married to my husband for 4 months now and he's making me feel like I don't do enough. I get up in the night to feed our baby, I ...
A. 13 November 2014: He sounds very lazy. He should be sharing the chores 50/50 with you if he's not working.... (read in full...)
Who do I leave my money to?
Q. I'm going to make a will.I'm quite comfortable financially, with a property paid for and money in the bank.I'm only 55, but you never know... Thing is, my only son (from a divorce) is 27 and has basically never worked. He occasionally works as a DJ ...
A. 12 November 2014: Maybe give them 50/50? If you leave your son nothing, it won't stop him from being lazy. He'll just be lazy and resentful thinking you didn't love him.... (read in full...)
I do love my boyfriend but I'm tempted by the other guy
Q. Hi - any help would be appreciated. I am on a total mess. My best girl friend and I went away last year and met a couple of guys. Both of us are in long term relationships but nothing happened with them. We spent a couple of nights out getti...
A. 11 November 2014: The guy wanted sex and probably nothing else. He was happy to be cheating with you when you already had a boyfriend (I presume he knew), so you could never trust him if you had a relationship with him.
Are you happy with your boyfriend? I'm gues... (read in full...)
I found incriminating evidence against boyfriend about cheating but he denies it all. What should I do?
Q. I've been in a two and a half year relationship which began when we were 15/16. We have a wonderful relationship and he treats me incredibly well, we are both respectful and incredibly loving. Faithful and genuine. In the early stages of our rela...
A. 11 November 2014: Your boyfriend is a cheat and a liar. Is this the kind of boyfriend you want? If not, dump him.... (read in full...)
My alcoholic boyfriend has become a born again Christian and insists we marry
Q. Hello everyone - I'm confused with the direction of my life. My alcoholic boyfriend of 5 years (and it has been a roller coaster ride of binge drinking destruction) has finally quit drinking after a 10 day binge which ended up with him in hosp...
A. 10 November 2014: Take your time and don't rush into anything. He's obviously serious about getting his life back on track.... (read in full...)
Is it acceptable when my girlfriend invites over her male friend for a movie night alone at her place?
Q. My 2 1\2 years long distance girlfriend told me today a male friend from college is going to watch a movie tomorrow night at her place so she can not see me on skype (we do it every night) she says that the time is not convinient to her (10 pm not ...
A. 4 November 2014: I wouldn't be happy about it either, or the fact she's meeting up with him for coffee.... (read in full...)
The relationship is toxic but ending it is complicated
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and the majority of that time has been just dreadful. He started off incredibly sweet and charming, helped me with money when I lost my job and took me places I'd always wanted to go. But slowly he's just ...
A. 4 November 2014: On Facebook, you can block people who are not your friends from being able to send you messages. It's one of the security settings, so you don't need to give up Facebook because of him. You should keep staying in contact with your friends on it, ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend and upgrading of porn. Should I be concerned?
Q. Hi all, I have been with my boyfriend for three years as of two days ago. I know he watches porn, even though he's been hesitant to admit it. I am not comfortable with porn, but our agreement is that as long as he clears his search history a...
A. 3 November 2014: Not all men watch porn. Many do, but not all.
If you're not happy with your boyfriend watching porn, you need to tell him so.... (read in full...)
The relationship is toxic but ending it is complicated
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years and the majority of that time has been just dreadful. He started off incredibly sweet and charming, helped me with money when I lost my job and took me places I'd always wanted to go. But slowly he's just ...
A. 3 November 2014: No break up is easy, especially when you've been living together. Yes, it will be difficult to sort possessions out, but it just has to be done. You can't stay with someone forever because he wants his fridge back.
Don't feel guilty. You have... (read in full...)
Am I asking too much from him --- drinking and sexual abuse
Q. Sorry this is so long. I hope someone takes the time to read it. I've been recently dealing with some guilt involving my relationship with my fiance. We have an awesome relationship first of all. I know we are meant to be together and we talk abo...
A. 31 October 2014: Your boyfriend has a problem with drink if he's having to drink every day. Once or twice a week is sensible, but drinking every day soon lead people into relying on the drink to unwind from the stresses of the day. This is what being an alcoholic is ... (read in full...)
How do I get my girlfriend back so I can help her?
Q. My girlfriend and me are separated at the moment but am trying to get her back, I earn alot more money than her and all the time that we were together i tried to help her with money for which she would only refuse my offer of money and told me that ...
A. 31 October 2014: If you want to help her, post some money anonymously through her letterbox in an envelope. Don't include a note.... (read in full...)
How can I keep the night going, tactfully?
Q. I'm going on a second date with a girl in a couple of days. We went out for drinks on our first date, which was also the first time we met. Overall, the date went well; it wasn't a smash, but we chatted for over an hour and seem to have some things ...
A. 30 October 2014: Going somewhere for a second date where you can't do much talking isn't very smart!
Have a drink/light meal before or afterwards with her, but not at your place. Get to know her better first, and give her the chance to get to know you too.... (read in full...)
I'm in a badly sex-deprived long term marriage!
Q. I've been married for 22 years, and feel terribly sexually starved by my partner. If I don't ask (often beg, demand or cajole) for sex, I'll almost never get it. Once I tried waiting for three months, to see if she would think of it. She didn't! ...
A. 30 October 2014: You've asked the million dollar question.
Your wife, like many women, hates having sex with someone she don't feel love for, and she doesn't feel any obligation to compromise, even though she's married to you. Sorry, it's not fair, but that's j... (read in full...)
Slept with my ex whilst drunk, but he's dating my friend.
Q. Hello, Around 9 months ago, I got drunk and slept with an ex boyfriend. It was a complete mistake - the relationship ended badly and it was one of the first times we'd hung out alone since we broke up. Ended up having way too much to drink, gettin...
A. 29 October 2014: Would you want to know if it was you?
She has the right to know what her boyfriend's like. If she forgives him, that's her prerogative.
Many people think they can do what they want in life, lie about it and that makes it alright. Wrong! ... (read in full...)
I'm interested, but she's cancelled twice in a row
Q. met a nice girl. went out for dinner, both said we had a nice time and wanted to meet up again. So arranged a time and place - we both sounded positive in communication etc. But the day before she said she had to postpone - concentrate of h...
A. 24 October 2014: She could easily have met for a quick coffee, so it sounds like she's not interested.
Some people are very bad at being upfront and saying they don't want to take things further. The result is the other person gets strung along which is not fair... (read in full...)
Do you think his expectations may include sex on this fun weekend he's arranged?
Q. Hi. I'm getting a divorce and incidentally met a very old colleague from about 15 ago. He's invited me to join him in another city to watch a big football game and generally a weekend together which I accepted. He's booked the hotel, I haven't...
A. 20 October 2014: Make sure he's booked separate rooms; if he hasn't, get him to change the booking.
Tell him now that you do not want to have sex with him on this weekend and see whether he's still as keen to go ahead with it.
If he only booked one room, sex is... (read in full...)
Friend has set us up for a date. What's the best way to meet? Suggestions, please?
Q. A friend from work is setting me up with a girl she knows. My work friend has obviously pre-vetted each of us in that we know the other isn't crazy. What's the best way to meet? I was thinking about just asking from her number, calling, and asking ...
A. 17 October 2014: Going out for a coffee or drink is probably the best place to start. You may not get on at all, so sitting through a whole meal could be awkward.... (read in full...)
Huge crush, but now she has resigned. Why!?! What the hell is wrong with me? Have I let my lunatic ego take control?
Q. Turning 50 is not fun. My loving wife after 25 years of marriage tells me time has been kind to me and she still calls me sexy. I adore her. She is as lovely as the day I first saw her. I have always been somewhat shy. I never considered mysel...
A. 17 October 2014: That made for a very enjoyable read. Thank you!
As for the matter itself, you had a massive crush on an attractive lady. That's all it was.
It's not very sensible to be fantasising like that when you're already married to someone else tho... (read in full...)
As an adult do you discuss your sex life with your parents?
Q. As adults, do you discuss any of the details of your sex life with either (or both) of your parents? Is it normal for a parent to want to know about your sex life? I am 23 years old. I recently started dating a new guy exclusively a few weeks ago,...
A. 16 October 2014: Discussing sex with your parents? Yuk!!!... (read in full...)
Is it normal to be so indecisive when considering ending a relationship?
Q. Hello all. I'm in the process of trying decide whether I can be happy in my current relationship. When I think about ending things and not being together all I can think about is how amazing he is. When I think about staying in the relation...
A. 16 October 2014: Yes, many people feel like this.
The important thing to remember is he's not the one for you because of all the horrible stuff. Feelings go up and down, but the horrible stuff happened and is still there no matter how you're feeling at any give... (read in full...)
Should I tell my wife about the dream where I slept with another woman?
Q. I had a very explicit and elaborate dream in which I had sex with a woman who was not my wife. I would never dare tell my wife such things except that this particular dream wasn't sexual in nature. The sex part was just a small (but important) part ...
A. 16 October 2014: I wouldn't mention it.... (read in full...)
I'm very hurt by this comment he made! What does he mean? Is this a brush-off?
Q. I met my online friend last week which was amazing after being friends for a year. We hit it off and ther was a real connection both of us very attracted to the other. He has messaged me everyday since and we both miss each other so much already....
A. 15 October 2014: It sounds like he thought you were deliberately ignoring his texts and he was hurt by it. Now he's getting his own back by not replying to you.
His behaviour is rather childish.... (read in full...)
He's pulled away after seeming to fall for me so fast at the outset. What to do?
Q. I met a man online, we chatted, then called one another. We have talked every day since. Things were fantastic. He was falling for me so quickly that it freaked me out a little. He scared me. I have a busy life with family and friends and ...
A. 15 October 2014: You're trying to run before you can walk. This is a guy you've never even met in person. Slow down!!!
You can never get to know anyone properly until you actually meet them face-to-face.
Meet up and take things from there, and slowly!... (read in full...)
Did he just ''love me'' during his bad time? Should I be more distant with him?
Q. My boyfriend (we've been dating for about 5 months) was recently going through a tough time overseas and really only had me supporting him from across the ocean. During this time, he was very vocal about loving me and we spoke every single day. It...
A. 15 October 2014: It sounds like he wants out of the relationship but is too weak to end it. I think you'll have to do it because you can't go on like this.... (read in full...)
Is this really a ''Guy thing,'' as my fiance implies? His remarks upset me.
Q. My question is for guys. When you're in a serious relationship do you look at girls and think in your head if you could get with them, or not, if you were single? My fiance and I have a baby together and we went out to lunch near his work and he s...
A. 14 October 2014: Some men think like that, and some don't. Those that do should not talk about it to their girlfriends though, as that's very disrespectful.
If he has a roving eye, he may be more likely to cheat on you in the future. Beware.... (read in full...)
Do I Tell my boyfriend he might not be the dad?
Q. Ok so ive been with my boyfriend for about 18 months now. I love him so much, he treats me like im the only girl in the world and doesnt care that i have a baby from a past relationship, he loves my little boy just as much as me. But 8 months b...
A. 14 October 2014: It's time to fess up to your boyfriend and eventually get a paternity test done. He has the right to know, as does the guy you had the fling with, as does your baby. It's going to be difficult, but you really have no choice. Do the right thing.... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose him, but I want to live a bit before I commit
Q. Hi, I'm 21 and I was raised by conservative parents to believe that I would someday find my "prince" and I would live happily ever after. When I was 17 I met him and he was my first kiss/time/love, he's amazing, he's everything I want for the rest...
A. 14 October 2014: You say: "I know I'll never find someone like him again", but you don't know that at all. You have no idea who you'll meet.
You're not ready to settle down, so explain this to him and then go off and experience more of life. If afterwar... (read in full...)
I've lost my sex drive and I'm starting to resent him
Q. My sex drive has completely disappeared but my boyfriend still initiates sex every time I see him. I usually end up having sex (or at least using my mouth or hands) because I feel so awful for not wanting to, but I'm really starting to resent it. I ...
A. 13 October 2014: The fact that you are pleasuring yourself afterwards shows that you still want to enjoy the pleasure that sex can bring, but I agree with Honeypie: he should be doing this for you.
It seems like you have got stuck in a rut of him enjoying sex and ... (read in full...)
He's enlisting in the Air Force and wants to get married and try for a baby before he leaves!
Q. Dear Cupid, I know it's been awhile since I last wrote and a lot has happened in that time I'm with someone new for starters and we've been together for a year with no breaking up or taking a break. I know I've said it before but with...
A. 10 October 2014: Slow down! This is all too quick! Why the hurry? Spend some time together for a year or two before considering kids. It's early days in your relationship.... (read in full...)
Is she using me, or is she really interested??
Q. I am usually i'm good at telling if the other half likes me or not. I have been seeing this girl since August. We have been out 10 times or so, so far, mainly just dinner or cinema. She has been to mine once and we just watched a movie, we ...
A. 10 October 2014: You need to sit down with her to talk about how you're feeling and ask her how she's feeling about the relationship. It sounds like she doesn't have any romantic feelings towards you and just wants to be friends.... (read in full...)
I don't think I am that much in love with him. Is it key to a happy marriage to be absolutely in love with your future spouse?
Q. The story of my life is that never ever a man who I was in love with and adored was in love with me back. Every time something starts and I feel incredibly in love, after awhile an interest in me fades. My boyfriend is a very nice man. He has...
A. 9 October 2014: If love goes away after a few years of marriage then there's something wrong!
The intense excitement at the start of a relationship will go away after 6 months to a year or so, but you should never fall out of love.
If you don't love him, ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend breaks up with me, over and over and over again!
Q. okay I'm really confused on this one. I am 47 my girlfriend 45. Will be going out for 6 months and ever since day one she continually breaks up with me.I mean literally she can break up with me more than once in a week and then she comes running ...
A. 8 October 2014: She sounds like a nutcase. This is not normal behaviour. Relationships should not be like this. If she's like this in her forties, she'll almost certainly never change.
Do yourself a favour and get out of this messy, crazy relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend spends more time with his ex than he does with me!
Q. My boyfriend has been spending a lot of time with his ex girlfriend. This has been going on since they split up a year ago. I tried to be tolerant of the situation as I didn't want to control his life. I did however bring it up with him once an...
A. 7 October 2014: I agree with the other posters: he's making a fool of you. He has overstepped the boundaries big time.
Leave him with your head held high, and do it today.... (read in full...)
Does it make me a bad wife to exclude my husband from my social life and travelings?
Q. Doesn't make a bad wife that I don't want to travel with my husband anymore, and more...I don't really want to involve Him in my socialiZing anymore also. We are married for 23 years. I married very very young right after high school, had a ch...
A. 7 October 2014: It's not right or wrong as such, but do you spend lots of other time doing things together? Do you have shared goals? Are you looking forward to things in the future together?
If you are, then fine. If you're not, this does not bode well. B... (read in full...)
Living with my husband's family is putting stress on our marriage!
Q. Hi Aunties,My relationship with my DH went from us being happy and ignorning all of the conflict around us, to him and I arguing about his parents. We live with his parents and sisters so we can save money for a house of our own. His father holds ...
A. 2 October 2014: Living with in-laws is almost always a terrible idea. I've been there. Get out as soon as possible and work out another way to save up money. You cannot live under these conditions any longer.... (read in full...)
The 40 Year Old (Almost) Virgin
Q. Hey Aunties! I turned 41 years old this year and while I am not a virgin I am close! Back in college (1992-1993) I did have a gf that I had sex with for about 6 months but that has been the extent of my lifetime sexual activity. Women just aren'...
A. 30 September 2014: You're not a loser at all, but you need to take the initiative - so join a dating website and start meeting people.... (read in full...)
I lied with a fake ID and fake photo. Now he knows the truth he's blocked me. What can I do?
Q. I love a guy bt I sent him fake photos and used to speak to him using a fake id. we are in a long distance relationshp for 6 months. He is the son of my friend and her neighbour.. He knows my sister because my sister lives same place as my friend...
A. 29 September 2014: You were planning marriage and kids with someone you'd never even met? You need to come back to the real world!
Why did you lie to him in the first place? Just be real with people.... (read in full...)
His being late makes me feel disrespected
Q. I have been dating a guy for about 2 months. He was on-time our first date but almost every time after that he is late. I am not talking 15 mins late. I am talking an hour! There have been times when he had decent reason for being late and I just ...
A. 18 September 2014: By turning up late and not ringing you to warn you in advance or even apologising about it, it shows he thinks very little of you.
When he said to pick your battles wisely, he was brushing this off as something trivial, but this is an importan... (read in full...)
How do I change the feelings of indifference toward my husband? Is it just a slump? Or have I fallen out of love with him?
Q. Hey Aunts and Uncles, I am in desperate need of advice. I have started to become indifferent toward my husband. He works a lot. 5 days a week from 530am-5pm. Right now hes also remodeling a house so hes gone all weekend. Right now we only have one ...
A. 15 September 2014: You two sound like you need to spend some time together, just the two of you.
Do you have anyone who can babysit for you while the two of you go out and have some fun together? Do you remember what fun even feels like anymore?
It sounds lik... (read in full...)
Should I try again and contact my ex after 30 years apart?
Q. Hello 30 years ago I broke up with my fiancee when we were in our twenties. We had enjoyed 7 years together and shared lots of interests and he was a good, fun, kind, interesting and loyal boyfriend. But we had been together since our teens and, a...
A. 15 September 2014: Yes, contact him. You have nothing to lose. Just take it steadily and see how it goes.... (read in full...)
Is she loyal or disrespectful?
Q. Hi, I have been dating my gf for more than 2 years now and we are deeply in love. We have a great sense of understanding. Recently her job took her to another city. We do keep in touch daily. Now, the problem is her colleague is really inter...
A. 10 September 2014: She should not be accepting gifts from this man. She needs to send him a clear signal that his behaviour is unacceptable, but it seems she doesn't mind it which is not good.... (read in full...)
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