Like what
he writes?
... Add *ensitiveBloke to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *ensitiveBloke a private message | | | *ensitiveBloke's profile:I am a Christian and my life experiences and advice are shaped by my faith.
I always try to offer advice that lines up with the Bible's teachings on relationships.
I'm a passionate believer in marriage, and will always encourage husbands and wives to do everything they possibly can to make their marriages work.
I'm not here to force my views on anyone, but I hope I can give genuinely helpful advice whenever possible. |
|
My in-laws are difficult to live with
Q. I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...
A. 10 June 2015: We're now five months on from when you posted your original question. Have you still not moved out? If not, what steps have been taking in the last five months towards this?... (read in full...)
My fiance's ex will not allow their children to be in our wedding
Q. Dear all Following a previous post, again I need some advice on dealing with a highly sensitive issue regarding my future lovely step children. We are getting married this year and they are supposed to be my flower girl and usher to which t...
A. 6 February 2015: If your fiance shares custody of his children, his ex cannot stop them from being at the wedding.
Why do you want to keep this a secret from your parents and family? You should tell your parents and family all about it as they may be able to help ... (read in full...)
My wife's day is filled with pills, potions and quackery!
Q. Until a couple of years ago we were the average happy middle aged couple but then things began to turn for the worse. My wifes day is now spent worrying unrealistically about her health. She imagines every spot, pimple or ache is serious and needs ...
A. 4 February 2015: It sounds like she's suffering from depression.
She needs to work out some personal goals for herself, a reason to get up in the morning. Something to get excited about. This will motivate her.... (read in full...)
My husband wears his stinky socks, and wears them and wears them and wears them!
Q. My husband wears his thermal underwear for 3 or more days in a row and after wearing them all day, will also wear them to bed. He will also wear his stinky socks and take them off and leave them by the bed and put them back on in the morning. I ...
A. 4 February 2015: He complains you are trying to change him, but you're not. You're just trying to change how many days he wears clothes for and how often he washes his smelly feet. You're not trying to change his personality as such.
He needs to be more consider... (read in full...)
Acne, a genetic skin condition and scars from an accident. How can I overcome by body insecurities that are ruining my life?
Q. I am very happy I found this site. I am very insecure with my body to the point to where I sometimes just look in the mirror and cry. I have been in 2 relationships. Both of them ended basically because of my body insecurities/iss...
A. 3 February 2015: From what you've said, neither of your boyfriends had an issue with your body. It was you who had the issue with it. They may have been completely fine with how you are, but you never gave them the chance.
No-one is perfect. Being happy is... (read in full...)
My husband wears his stinky socks, and wears them and wears them and wears them!
Q. My husband wears his thermal underwear for 3 or more days in a row and after wearing them all day, will also wear them to bed. He will also wear his stinky socks and take them off and leave them by the bed and put them back on in the morning. I ...
A. 3 February 2015: What have you done to try to resolve the issue? It's very hard to offer advice without knowing.... (read in full...)
Does Physio actually work or has it made me worse? This lower back pain is ruining my life!
Q. This is more of a health question than a relationship question but hoping someone out there can help. I've had bad lower back pains for about 4 months, previous to that I would get similar pain on the odd occasion suddenly and it would last afew ...
A. 3 February 2015: I can speak from some experience as I also used to suffer from back pain and sciatica.
You need to visit an osteopath, not a physiotherapist or a chiropractor.
Back pain is often caused by the spine being out of alignment. An osteopath will b... (read in full...)
Am I too demanding? Should I expect and settle for less?
Q. I have been dating a guy who is mid 40's and single most of his life. He is good to me in lots of ways helping out at my place with maintenance jobs. In return I cook for him and buy his favourite wine etc and pay for take aways etc. I work 6 days a ...
A. 2 February 2015: It sounds like you are not well-suited to each other. There are plenty of people who would love going out with you and having fun, but he's not one of them.... (read in full...)
He charmed his way in and then dropped me like a hot potato!
Q. I have recently started carrying for a guy alot. He has become very special to me. We only have gone out 4 times. Had sex 2 times out of those 4. The last time we had sex is the time he forced his way into my place. By telling me that If i would ...
A. 2 February 2015: There are many men like this. Learn from this, and don't be so ready to jump into bed with people. Get to know them really well and find out what they're really like. If they're decent men, they won't mind waiting for sex.... (read in full...)
Affair, sex, drugs, lies ... I've got the lot!
Q. So I have been having an affair for the past 8 months ( yes I know I'm the biggest idiot / careless / reckless / selfish person Ass hole in the world) and yes I am asking for help from people who will judge me and make comment Althoe the ...
A. 2 February 2015: I'm not gonna lecture you as you seem to have a pretty good understanding of where you've gone wrong.
Take a step back from this whole situation, and think about what you really want from life. What do you want to achieve? What do you want peo... (read in full...)
Being raped at university is ruining my life. Please help.
Q. Hi guys, not sure if this is the right place to ask for advice but I'm stuck for anywhere else to turn. Basically, whilst I was at university I was raped and ended up developing PTSD, which combined with the long court battle impacted on my degree ...
A. 2 February 2015: Surely your parents and boyfriend understand and are there to support you? Their love for you should not be conditional upon academic and career success.
Do they really feel like this, or is your own huge disappointment making you think this is ... (read in full...)
Husband wants oral sex 2-3 times a week but sex only once a month?
Q. I have been married for for 3 years together for 13. I've been haveing this issue with him for 2 1/2 years. He wants oral sex about 2-3x per week, but no sex. We have sex once every 6months only if I intiate it. I have spoken to him about it ...
A. 2 February 2015: Your strategy is working. He's starting to understand how it feels to be denied what he craves.
He thinks it's OK to deny you for 6 months, but he sulks if you deny him for 1 day.
It is important that you do not give in to his sulking. Th... (read in full...)
Husband wants oral sex 2-3 times a week but sex only once a month?
Q. I have been married for for 3 years together for 13. I've been haveing this issue with him for 2 1/2 years. He wants oral sex about 2-3x per week, but no sex. We have sex once every 6months only if I intiate it. I have spoken to him about it ...
A. 30 January 2015: It sounds like you are just his servant, doing all the household and bedroom duties, and he's taking you for granted.
Do you want to be part of the problem or part of the solution?
If you keep giving him blow jobs and doing all the househol... (read in full...)
How do I handle my g/f going silent?
Q. Thanks for reading I'm a bit on tender hooks today and need an outside opinion Been with my gf for a year - she's 21 and I'm the first guy she's slept with. We've had such a good time and all was great. Aside from when her nan died she went ...
A. 30 January 2015: I'm sorry, but it does sound like she's going cold on you.
I suggest you ring her house at a more sensible time (i.e. before 9pm) or text her and ask her if everything's OK as you haven't heard from her for a while.... (read in full...)
How do I assure my girlfriend that I'm not cheating?
Q. My girlfriend constantly accuse me of cheating. It started a year ago, when we split for a few months. I dated another girl and she and I hung out often. I genuinely liked her, but never planned on settling down with her. Fast forward, my gir...
A. 30 January 2015: I find it odd that you and your friend went out with two girls, and when your girlfriend asked you about the car at your friend's place, you wouldn't answer her. You have acted in a suspicious manner, and that's why she doesn't trust you. Why d... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has went no contact should I pay for his car insurance?
Q. For a while now I've thought may bf of 4th has been seeing somebody else, he wworks away and I don't really see him anymore, we spoke on the phone or via txt most days,anyway 2weeks ago was the last I spoke to hihim, we spoke about him coming bk ...
A. 30 January 2015: Yes, stop paying his car insurance. Yes, you should let him know you will no longer be paying it so he can sort out an alternative, otherwise he might not realise it's no longer active, and if he causes an accident there could be problems for the ... (read in full...)
What does he mean by "soul mates"?
Q. I've been friends with a guy for 3 months now and we have a lot in common and he said we're like soul mates since we have a lot in common. What does he mean by that, or what is he trying to tell me?...
A. 29 January 2015: He probably means it feels you were made for each other.... (read in full...)
All my friends have said to ditch him but I'm genuinely in love with him. I don't know what to do!
Q. Okay, so there's this boy. We started off as friends, but one night we got very drunk and slept together. We carried on sleeping together every time we got drunk. But then we started doing more, so he'd ask me if i wanted to go for lunch or to the ...
A. 29 January 2015: You two need to stop messing around and playing games.
Sit down and talk with him. You're either an exclusive item or you're not. Find out once and for all what you both want from each other.... (read in full...)
Who should be her priority, her husband or her adult child?
Q. I have a question and I desperately need an answer. My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years. She has a son approaching 29 years of age from her first marriage. He lives with his father. Her ex suffered a heart attack a few years ago, a...
A. 27 January 2015: She has responsibilities to both of you.
You are trying to stop her from being a mother. Don't!
However at 29 her son really shouldn't be living with his parents anymore and should be standing on his own two feet. Your wife should surely un... (read in full...)
I had considered asking if she would let me masturbate to her but I don't want to come across as a creep. Is there another alternative?
Q. Hi. I am stuck and am open to advice. My cousin and I have been close as "brother-sister" while growing up. She is a few years older then me but we are both in our twenties. I have always had a crush on her but when we were teenagers while ...
A. 27 January 2015: Don't ask her! She isn't attracted to you and you already have a girlfriend.... (read in full...)
He went from being a jerk to Prince Charming overnight.
Q. Me and my guy live together for about a year. However I was thinking about moving out because We never do anything special and we never go anywhere. In fact it's usually always on his terms on what he wants to do and even when we argue he needs to ...
A. 27 January 2015: Maybe nearly dying made him think about what was really important in life? Have you talked to him about it?... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that clinginess turns me off!
Q. Hey, so, I've been having doubts about my current relationship. We met on a dating website 5 months ago, and started dating 3 days after we met... In all honesty, I only accepted going out with him because we had sex, and I then felt obligated to. ...
A. 27 January 2015: Don't lie to him. It's not fair or kind. Tell him he's not the one for you.
If he self-harms, that's not your fault. It's his responsibility how he treats his body and how he conducts himself.... (read in full...)
How can I be the partner she deserves, when my mind is still filled with thoughts of my ex?
Q. I came out of a tumultuous 2-year relationship only a handful of months ago. I loved her so incredibly much, but we were constantly breaking up and getting back together (never once was it my decision to split) over petty, insignificant fights, ...
A. 26 January 2015: If you still love your ex with your entire heart, you're not ready to get into another relationship.
I think you need to have a heart-to-heart with your new girlfriend and explain to her that you're just not in a position to be in a relation... (read in full...)
My boyfriend doesn't understand that clinginess turns me off!
Q. Hey, so, I've been having doubts about my current relationship. We met on a dating website 5 months ago, and started dating 3 days after we met... In all honesty, I only accepted going out with him because we had sex, and I then felt obligated to. ...
A. 26 January 2015: You're not happy in this relationship. You've tried to make it work, but it isn't, so you need to end it.
In hindsight, you should never have slept with him, and you should never have started this relationship. Next time you'll be wiser I'm sure... (read in full...)
Brother-in-law is a pedophile and sister hid it from the family resulting in chaos
Q. My sister lives 6 hours away and we use to be close as children. When ever she is back in our home town 2x a year her and her husband and me and my betrothed hung out for a couple of hours and got dinner etc. My fiancé got to liking my sister and ...
A. 21 January 2015: What a mess!
Your wife is justifiably angry, but she shouldn't be asking you to stop seeing your sister. Your sister did wrong here, and I think you should talk with her about this and how it's made you and your wife feel (if you haven't already)... (read in full...)
Now some SWOT analysis makes the new guy appear better than my BF. What should I do?
Q. So....... Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a 4 months. Its not long but it feels like forever to me. Unfortunately recently I have developed feelings for another guy. My sister and i made a list of pros and cons and my boyfriend had so many ...
A. 21 January 2015: It's obvious that you're not happy with your current boyfriend, so you need to end things with him if you don't feel the issues are things that can be worked out.
Then, and only then, should you consider having another relationship.
A word ... (read in full...)
Is it time to break-up? My Gf is always sad. But now her depression is affecting me
Q. Let me start out by saying my girlfriend is depressed, I believe. And it is staying on me. A little background on me that may be relevant is that I am a 20 year old engineering student. I am a relatively level headed person. Basically on a ...
A. 21 January 2015: It sounds like this relationship is just not working and so it's time to move on.
Being in a relationship should bring you happiness, but this is doing the opposite to both of you.
End it soon, and don't drag it out. It's the best thing for b... (read in full...)
My in-laws are difficult to live with
Q. I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...
A. 21 January 2015: Is your stuff being left untidily in a communal area like a lounge? Maybe he just wants the place to be tidy, so he tidies things away. Where possible you should keep your stuff in your bedroom (I'm assuming you have a bedroom). Remember it's not ... (read in full...)
My in-laws are difficult to live with
Q. I've been living with my in laws because of financial reasons. My mother in law put heaps of pressure on us despite being in a bad financial position. I had lost my job and got no redundancy. But she said don't worry about it. Then didn't help. Yet ...
A. 19 January 2015: You and your husband both need to get jobs and get your own place ASAP. Living with in-laws never works.... (read in full...)
My fiancee seems to not try to impress me anymore or even bother having sex with me.
Q. Im getting married in a year and a half to my fiancee. We have an 8 year age gap and I love him very much. With the past month though I feel I am cracking up.I'm not sure am I just over thinking or what but I feel he is letting me down alot. It all ...
A. 16 January 2015: He sounds lazy and apathetic. Do you want to spend the rest of your life like this? Don't marry him.
Why are you home all day doing nothing? Take some time out and work out what you really want from life. Set some goals, and do something about th... (read in full...)
How do I get confidence to make a move on him without alcohol?
Q. im feeling like a teen again - me and my friend have talked about having a relationship, we like each other in that way , we are in our 30s both shy but because of our shyness none of us have made a move on the other. we flirt, spend time with each ...
A. 15 January 2015: When you say you want to make a move on him, what do you mean? Do you mean start a relationship with him, kiss him or have sex with him?
I suggest you start with the first one and take things from there.
Maybe you could suggest going out for a ... (read in full...)
My MIL leaves me in tears and always gets away with it
Q. This question is about my mother in law. I know that lots of peoples mothers in law are a pain in the ass, but mine is something else! She has a lot of mental health issues, including bulimia and alcoholism. She gets away with preposterous comments ...
A. 15 January 2015: You should do exactly as you've suggested, and not visit her again until your husband has laid down the law to her beforehand.
If she won't listen to him (which is very likely), don't visit her again. Don't stop your husband visiting her, but... (read in full...)
Flirting with my best friend's wife...should I go further?
Q. My best friend started dating this girl years ago. My gf at the time and her were bffs. My friends gf and i had this chemistry that is so lustful and exciting. We would mess around a bit and eventually it came out in the open. We admitted guilt and ...
A. 15 January 2015: You are newly-single so are probably desperate for a bit of action, but going with someone else's wife is a no-no. This can only end badly and people will be hurt.
Find someone else to flirt with who's actually available.... (read in full...)
Should I tell my husband I almost cheated?
Q. So I am married two years to my childhood sweetheart, and I love him dearly. Lately we have been put to test with stress, family issues, his mentally ill mother and trying for a baby. Its all been very stressful and was starting to take its toll on ...
A. 14 January 2015: You did something silly, but you stopped short of doing something really stupid, so I don't think you need to mention this to your husband.
Learn from this mistake by moderating your drinking when you go out with friends.... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is pressuring me into a threesome!
Q. Me and my fiance are very close but I feel like as many times as I talk to him about this he just wont understand we were at a party and I was the only sober one well him and his friend pressured me into some stuff the next morning he did not talk ...
A. 14 January 2015: Your fiance is an idiot. Why are you with this loser?... (read in full...)
How do I approach the delicate situation of having messy siblings they don't care about how they live?
Q. Hello. Thank you for reading my post. All advice and opinions are welcome. To attempt to keep this short as possible, I will jump to my point. I come from a very messy family. Growing up, I manage to maintain my sense of cleanliness and have alw...
A. 14 January 2015: Your siblings are just untidy people. They don't see this as a problem, they see it as normal.
Unless they want to change, they never will and nothing you say will make any difference.... (read in full...)
Wife wants me to sleep with another girl?
Q. The other day my wife and me were having an argument about me being extra comfortable with other girls. I'm just friendly and never over friendly with them but she feels otherwise. During this argument she tells me that 'she would really like me to ...
A. 13 January 2015: No, she does not mean it. She wanted you to reply: "No, I don't want to do that at all. I just want to be with you."
I don't think watching porn is helping things. She may think you don't value and treasure her.... (read in full...)
I'm thinking of cutting ties with my father -- am I being unreasonable?
Q. Im thinking of cutting contact with my dad as i dont want him in my life any more but would like some advice on whether i am overreacting before i go ahead with it. Im sorry this is so long. To cut an extremely long story short my parents divorced...
A. 8 January 2015: The fact he rings you every week is significant. He doesn't have to, but he does. This shows he wants to be a father to you. He's not doing a very good job of it, but I think it shows some kind of intention.
Since you are not welcome at his hous... (read in full...)
I really like him but he never went to university.
Q. I really like this guy I've been chatting with. He's caring, kind and hardworking but, I just found out that he didn't go to university. I know this shouldn't matter, but I cant seem to get over the prejudice that because he didn't get a higher ...
A. 8 January 2015: Going to university and getting a degree is good and can open many doors in the job world, but it's not everything. Many successful people don't have a university education, and many people who go to university don't end up getting good jobs.
... (read in full...)
I want to be more than just friends with benefits
Q. And old friend and I just both ended some long/term relationship. We became both interested in eachother but niether of us are ready to enter another serious relationship. We decided to yo hangout and and possibly be friends with benefits and just ...
A. 8 January 2015: He's already wasting your time because he doesn't want to date you: he just wants friendship and sex with no commitments.... (read in full...)
After two years I want to tell him I love him, but what if he brushes it off?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years. He's wonderful in every way. I want to tell him I love him but what if he brushes it off like it doesn't mean anything? We've talked about our other relationships and before with another ...
A. 22 December 2014: If you've been with a partner a long time and are in a committed relationship with them, you should be saying "I love you" EVERY DAY to each other! It's really important! It does not lose its meaning at all.
If your boyfriend has difficul... (read in full...)
I am boring my husband, how do I get the fun back?
Q. Hi cupids, I'm after some advice on how to "re-attract" someone's attention. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 5 years. We have 2 beautiful sons. The problem is that I feel like he is not interested in me anymore...
A. 19 December 2014: It sounds like your marriage is stuck in a rut and bogged down by all the responsibilities.
When was the last time the two of you had a night out, just the two of you?
Lots of couples find having a "date" once a week works wonders as you g... (read in full...)
My wife's day is filled with pills, potions and quackery!
Q. Until a couple of years ago we were the average happy middle aged couple but then things began to turn for the worse. My wifes day is now spent worrying unrealistically about her health. She imagines every spot, pimple or ache is serious and needs ...
A. 16 December 2014: Sounds like you need to find some counselling that actually offers solutions, or at least things to try.
Does your wife have any hobbies? If not, help her to take one up as this could really help.... (read in full...)
| *ensitiveBloke's friends
These are mutual friends, so *ensitiveBloke has
added them and they have added *ensitiveBloke!
|
