I know she has no interest in the activity, so why did she join my group?
Q. When my ex girlfriend and I were together, I could never get her to participate in any of the activities I enjoyed. Now that she's single again, she's deliberately joined one of the groups in which she knows I'm active with. An activity she has ...
A. 1 June 2014: Now that she's single again she is focusing on you. If it's not an interest she enjoys, and she get's nowhere with you, she will move on 'again' hopefully.
If that's what you want her to do.
... (read in full...)
Is it wise to play it cool now?
Q. I fell out with my close male friend eight months ago We got close too soon and as a result became clingy and too emotional and pushed him away Last night I saw him at a friends leaving do He saw me and looked awkward so I just remained calm ...
A. 1 June 2014: If it's 'just' friendship you want then there is no problem, to me you still sound emotionally attached, which would mean you would be back to square one if it all went wrong again.
You say you don't talk much anymore - but that you have spoken s... (read in full...)
I know she has no interest in the activity, so why did she join my group?
Q. When my ex girlfriend and I were together, I could never get her to participate in any of the activities I enjoyed. Now that she's single again, she's deliberately joined one of the groups in which she knows I'm active with. An activity she has ...
A. 1 June 2014: Actions speak louder than words.......you assume she doesn't want to get back together, she may actually want to.
Just be polite if you have to speak, don't feel uncomfortable, you got there first so to speak, eventually she will show her reas... (read in full...)
Is it wise to play it cool now?
Q. I fell out with my close male friend eight months ago We got close too soon and as a result became clingy and too emotional and pushed him away Last night I saw him at a friends leaving do He saw me and looked awkward so I just remained calm ...
A. 1 June 2014: Yes play it well cool, the air has cleared slightly but there was drink involved and a different atmosphere to work.
You make him sound like he spent an hour or so nodding like a wobbly doll, he may still like you a bit but in the cold light of... (read in full...)
Would it be bad to tell my girlfriend I want to spend time with my friends?
Q. Is it bad to tell girlfriend I want to go meet some friends for an hour or two. Once she comes to my house she doesn't leave till weekend finishes. I can't get rid of her because she doesn't see me all week. Sounds bad but I'm a guy I like to do ...
A. 1 June 2014: If you want to 'get rid of her' for a couple of hours when you only see her weekends anyway, then this relationships not good.
Its natural you want to see your friends, do your stuff and maybe 'get rid of her' was a bad choice of phrase. If you d... (read in full...)
I need to work out access arrangements.
Q. Hi, I will be filing a divorce petition soon and need some guidance for child visit arrangements on what people normally do. My ex stays 4 hours train journey from me and kids (we have 2 children 10 and 5). For the moment just to get away from him I ...
A. 31 May 2014: To be honest I think dragging children that age on a 4 hr journey is too much just for a weekend.
I would go for time in the holidays, summer is a long break and easter is 2 weeks, so him having them half the holidays is a better option.T... (read in full...)
Should I stay friends with him or not?
Q. I met a man about a year ago and became close friends. There was clearly chemistry and after a few months things progressed, we slept together and started hanging out a lot more. Things only got physical 5 or 6 times before it became obvious that I ...
A. 31 May 2014: Your both mature enough to make it work. However if you are emotionally attached to him friends won't work.
Its a shame. You could distance yourself, only see him once a month or so, doing something particular, going to an event say where there's ... (read in full...)
In a man's mind, why would he ask you to turn off the light to kiss him? I thought that men liked women to do the opposite.
Q. What does it mean when a man wants to kiss you in the dark? Call me paranoid but I get the feeling that's a bad sign. I have self image related problems and far less from perfect but I'm always trying to improve the quality of my life- although...
A. 31 May 2014: Could be he asks every girl to turn the light off, could be his preference. Maybe he lacks confidence himself?
How well do you know him, is he new in your life? Maybe get to know him better, and any guy you want to kiss, so its natural and with... (read in full...)
Help me win my crush!
Q. Ok, I've just very recently started at a new, temporary job, and there's a girl there that I'm really keen on, she's 100% GF material, and I'm actually 80% sure that she's keen on me too! Problem is, messing things up with the fairer sex is my ...
A. 31 May 2014: She is simply enjoying the attention, she has a boyfriend so is not available.
Not mentioning this rather large hurdle means she likes that you like her, but by refusing to actually go out with you, is showing that she is loyal to her boyfrien... (read in full...)
How can I say I'm sorry?
Q. I had been with a guy for a few months, friends before that for a long time. When we were friends he was seeing someone else and during their break up he came to me to vent and talk over. We became close. We fell out and had not been speakin...
A. 29 May 2014: His Ex probably told him you were cyber stalking her, I would find it weird an ex's new 'friend' suddenly decided to follow me on Twitter. It probably caused a row and maybe she assumed he had told you to do it? He must feel humiliated.
As fo... (read in full...)
I'm terrified he's going to go from "I want to marry you!" to "I don't want to get married to you!"
Q. When my boyfriend and I started going out with each other - after a few months we used to chat about what kind of wedding we'd have etc etc. we were both on the same plane about it cost wise and all that - not too expensive but a fun day and put our ...
A. 28 May 2014: Why not propose yourself ?
He can say yes or no.
Then you will know where you stand.
At the very least you can ask where exactly your relationship is heading, you need a timeline.... (read in full...)
Is he playing games with my head and heart?
Q. HI all I am sorry if this is a bit long but I need to get this off my chest and hope to understand a bit better. I first started dating my partner a year ago next week. In the begining he told me he was with someone but has not seen her for...
A. 22 May 2014: What do I think?
I think you should dump his sorry ass.Pack his stuff while he's at work and leave it outside. Change the locks and let him get on with it.
If it's his place, then pack your stuff and leave, don't look back.Go to family and ge... (read in full...)
How can I better judge if I'm overreacting or being walked all over?
Q. I'm the sort of person that when someone is my close friend I expect loyalty and consideration to be utmost. I'm very low maintenance otherwise but all my life I've been let down by this...sometimes marginally sometimes greatly. I understand this is ...
A. 22 May 2014: Its hard to answer when you don't give examples of what they do to upset you.
It depends where you meet or what you expect from friendships. I do expect loyalty and that somebody has my back, 'do as you would be done by' and all that.
People ... (read in full...)
My ex might want contact with his son
Q. I may be over reacting and thinking of the worst possible case but I was recently told my ex has been speaking to someone about gaining access to our son, and although he never has in the five years since I gave birth, I have also never heard any ...
A. 21 May 2014: Maybe in the last 5 years he has grown up, is ready to build a relationship with his son.
See a solicitor or get advice from CAB, if he is the father he will have to contribute financially as well as be a parent so you can sort that out too.
... (read in full...)
She got drunk and slept with someone -- do I forgive her?
Q. Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 8 months, never had an argument never fought and we were completely honest to each other for the whole time. We trusted each other very well we bond great and its like she is the perfect one for me and I ...
A. 21 May 2014: She probably told you before somebody else did, gave her story first.
I would ditch her or you will end up being her doormat until she goes off with somebody else for good.
If you get out now you will still have your pride and your heart will ... (read in full...)
Did I get played? Should I tell my husband?
Q. i am a married 37 year old woman. my story is complicated. first of all i married my high school sweetheart 12 years after we graduated. we had two different life styles. he was a drug user. i only drank. he got off drugs with my help. we married ...
A. 21 May 2014: If your looking for a knight in shining armour to rescue you from a bad marriage - he was not the man.
You only need to confess to your husband that you are miserable and want out, nothing else
Don't wait to be rescued because you will end up ... (read in full...)
I don't want to meet his daughter until we have discussed our relationship's future!
Q. I'm in a relationship with a man I've been with for about a year and a half. We are happy and very much in love. However, there is a catch. He has a young daughter. He and I have talked and I have met her a couple times with other friends of his. ...
A. 21 May 2014: You have been seeing him for 18 months and he is still married, he also has a daughter.
Your in school and 17 years younger - question is...do 'you' want to marry or live with him, do 'you' see a future together ?
Relationships come with no gua... (read in full...)
Why does he choose to not invite me to functions where the Gfs and wives are invited? I am feeling excluded.
Q. Hi all, I'm feeling a little left out and rejected. My boyfriend and I have been together for just over four years. We got together at 17 and have been together since. We have a really good relationship together and normally I find we can t...
A. 13 May 2014: I totally agree with SageOldGuy.
Leave him to his own life and find a man who wants to share his with you. You are not being selfish your being reasonable and he sounds like he's hiding something ... (read in full...)
On being a University student and an unpaid Carer for family member. How do I cope with the stress?
Q. I'm a university student, but I'm also an unpaid carer for a family member, it means I can't get a job as I have no time to. It's already resulted in my having to leave uni once, and I'm scared I won't be able to get a job after uni, or that the ...
A. 13 May 2014: If the person your caring for has been assessed and is found to be needing a carer then you can apply for the carers allowance. If not then I would have this done, speak to their GP, ask if Social Services can offer a support package to help you ... (read in full...)
I am struggling to see a future with my boyfriend
Q. I love my boyfriend more than anything but am struggling to see a future for us because of how useless he is with money. We earn roughly the same - take home about £1500 a month. I own a small house and manage to pay all my bills on my own and st...
A. 12 May 2014: Well done you for buying your own place so young when others struggle to find a deposit.
You are clearly poles apart from your boyfriend with him having no concept of the responsibility of buying/running a home. He has been spoilt by his parents ... (read in full...)
Sick leave means trouble paying the bills
Q. Hi all. This isn't a relationship problem but it involves my partner, so here it goes... Basically, I moved in with my boyfriend of four and a half years about three months ago. Everything was going great. We both had jobs and although both of...
A. 12 May 2014: If your in this state after only one week off sick then I think you should calm down. Or did you mean to put one month?
You have already borrowed £200 off your parents and taken out a payday loan. The payday loan will cost you a fortune to pay b... (read in full...)
I need to gain some clarity about what this relationship would mean!
Q. I met a man online several years ago. He and I got along until he told me that a woman from his past wanted to come back in his life. At the time I had just stopped dating someone else and was trying to see what was going on with us. So he end up ...
A. 11 May 2014: It sounds to me like a FWB arrangement he has planned for you two.
It all depends on what you want, if it's a relationship with a future, marriage etc then he is definitely not offering that is he?
... (read in full...)
We want to get married but I'm not happy with the living situation options!
Q. I've been in relationship with my boyfriend of 5 years and we will going to marry soon. His plan is next year. Both side family is supportive with our relationship. The only thing I extremely worried about is about our home. He said I would liv...
A. 11 May 2014: I don't think marrying him is a good idea. You know what the immediate future holds because he has told you and you don't like it.
If this is not an option then why not rent a place, with 2 incomes you could find someplace small and cheap and save... (read in full...)
She broke up with me because of anxiety, but doesn't want to give me details
Q. Hi, I am was dating a girl who I got on really well. One day she called it off. Not in the usual way, it sounded quite strange. Anyway, she has kept in touch with me for quite a while now. She sounds like she wants to date again. When I asked ...
A. 10 May 2014: Only she knows the answer to your questions and because she suffers with anxiety, the worst thing you can do is put pressure on her.
Is she the only woman you know because you sound a little obsessed?
She broke up with you, so I would go date ... (read in full...)
Should I raise this issue or just accept that my Boyfriend does more than his fair share, financially, for his divorced mother?
Q. Recently I have realised just how much my boyfriend does for his mother and their family but I don't want to point it out to him because I know it will do no good. My boyfriend is three years younger and he still lives at home. His rent covers ...
A. 10 May 2014: He sounds great, how lovely that he's there for his mum and sisters.
Do not talk to his mum about money, its a private subject between family. She would far rather be independent and coping I am sure.
If anyone talks to anyone it would be your... (read in full...)
Is the new hair, the underwear for the gym, and texting her friends for her pleasure or for someone else's?
Q. Ok over 2months ago me and my girlfriend joined a gym together thought it would bring us closer which it didn't cause I wanted to use the weights and she was only the light equipment for the first few weeks we went 2 times a week then our kids had ...
A. 9 May 2014: Its only been 2 months since you joined the gym?
is she actually going to the gym then? If she's asked you not to go it could be cos she isn't going there herself.
I think the lack of sex is the biggest red flag.
The new underwear cou... (read in full...)
Is there any way he'll ever think better of me?
Q. Could anyone please help Is it possible to change someone's perception of you ? Ok I was very good friends with a guy and it went badly wrong We got close and kissed a few times It shouldn't have happened as he was in the middle of breakin...
A. 9 May 2014: He was going through a break-up and still living with his ex, not unusual these days, with finances being what they are. He must be mature to handle this, it can't be easy.
You were his 'port in a storm', a trusted friend,I think, but, it was a ki... (read in full...)
I've fallen for a guy at work, but I'm married
Q. I'm 54, married with children (grown up) and I've become obsessed with a guy at work who is younger than most of my children. I get on so well with him, but for some time my feelings toward him have become sexual. What the hell do I do??...
A. 9 May 2014: Keep it as a fantasy is my advice
* Your married
* Your a colleague
* Your alot older
The grass will only be greener for a brief time if you did give in and persue it.
What if you lose all you have, what if he laughed at you for flirting a... (read in full...)
Anyone have experience at speed-dating?
Q. I was the anon who wrote this question originally: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-re-enter-the-dating-world.html Well, an update, things are going well so far, not saying it in an egotistical way, here's hoping it continues ;) ...
A. 7 May 2014: If you want to meet people then why not, at least unlike online dating, you get to see the person and chat face-to-face.
His attitude to it is healthy and he goes in with the right expectations.
Good for him. ... (read in full...)
No money for child care -- how do I go out and meet people?
Q. I feel so lonely , im going to b 30 next yr and well ive only got my little girl shes the best thing I have, and even her dad left ume before she was even born. I met someone else but he has since last yr been working away and I think hes with som...
A. 7 May 2014: You don't say how old your little girl is or where the father is?
I take it the father or your family are not around to support you and see your daughter, thereby giving you some me time, so you have to start mingling in the day.
If your daugh... (read in full...)
Fed up with always being there for others?
Q. I am fed up of being a responsible person. I am so lonely and starved of support myself and have become sick to death of people sucking my blood for support. I am the type of person who doesn't brag about how successful I am at being independent and ...
A. 6 May 2014: Its a compliment them all asking you. A compliment to how you cope and bring up your child so well, they admire and trust you.
Next time somebody pays you this compliment, just say 'thank you for asking, ime honoured, but I have to decline,... (read in full...)
Is my online date a bit weird?
Q. I've been chatting to a 45 year old guy online who was keen to meet new friends and go dating. I was going to meet him at the weekend and we've been chatting for a week. He works from home and is also renovating his place. He boils up batches of ...
A. 2 May 2014: If your Ex did the same as this online guy, then don't persue it, it could even be him...this 'type' is definitely not for you is he?... (read in full...)
My B/f doesn't want to get married because he doesn't want to support me with medical bills and marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years told me that he doesn't want to get married anymore.. And his reasons are very selfish in my opinion. He said he doesn't want to support me with medical bills, or that marrying me will have a bad effect on his retirement fee. ...
A. 2 May 2014: If your broke,unemployed and totally dependandant on him then that's why he won't marry you.
He has probably realised that he cannot support the two of you indefinitely, by not marrying you he is not 'legally' responsible for you.
He has ... (read in full...)
Dating a new guy: are these red flags or not?
Q. I am looking for a long term relationship and have a question about the early warning signs in dating. I have recently met a guy, we have had three dates and he's handsome, intelligent and sweet. The dates are great, we talk a lot and he tells me ...
A. 29 April 2014: You might be looking for a long term relationship but before it gets to that level you have to date,get to know them.
I don't see red flags with him but you are looking on him as a prospective husband - not somebody you've had 3 dates with. Bu... (read in full...)
Since I said no living together without marriage he's backed off
Q. Hi, I would like to ask for some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together for 15 months, he is 39 and I am 27. We don't live together and he stays about an hour away from me, for the last 15 months I have been going to visit him every weekend, ...
A. 29 April 2014: You don't seem to do much for you, you stop in weekends after travelling to see him. He doesn't even take you out. So where does he get the 'I want to do so much with you before marriage' from? Do you ever suggest going out?
I get he wants to... (read in full...)
Why do guys tease women they find attractive?
Q. What does this mean? This guy playfully teases me but he only does it in the presence of others, mainly men. Alone he's nice. I find some of it funny. He says stuff like it's raining outside it's your fault don't know why, he's obviously joking ...
A. 28 April 2014: I say things like 'have you been singing cos its raining again', it's purely workplace banter, doesn't mean I find the person attractive.
How does he seem excited to see you? Do you find him attractive and if so, do you flirt and show it - maybe ... (read in full...)
I went away for the night and he didn't say good night or good morning?
Q. My boyfriend and I had a pretty big argument last week and basically he thinks we spend too much time together and he needs a bit of space. Even though we were getting along well yesterday and he said that I needn't bother - I booked into a hotel ...
A. 27 April 2014: He was just enjoying his space and giving you yours.
It is what happens next you should focus on... (read in full...)
Over 30 and single - what did I do wrong?
Q. Every girl dreams of the happy family and nice man that they will one day marry. We are taught from an early age that the Princess always ends up with the Handsome Prince. The scatty girl in the Rom-Com always finds her true love. Your best friends ...
A. 27 April 2014: If you had married young and had children there's no guarantee you would still be together.
As for what you did wrong, you probably didn't do anything wrong. You just clearly haven't met the man for you. Maybe your standards are too high and you ... (read in full...)
Friend is now with a guy, but will he develop feelings for me again if I pursue our friendship?
Q. Short question not really important but I'd like some opinions on it. I have had this friend of mine for about 4 or so years now. We met in middleschool and he always had a heart of gold, and when I got to Highschool he...
A. 26 April 2014: Your overthinking this, if he's with a guy then he is not interested in you - I would ask to meet his boyfriend and make a friend of him too, to show you 'are' a friend and support him. It can't be easy to 'come out' so they may appreciate this
... (read in full...)
Is he not interested or does he want me to take the lead?
Q. I met a guy online and after a couple weeks of messaging each other we exchanged phone numbers. He text me that same day and has every day since. This was almost a month ago. Sometimes the texting lasts all day and other times its not as long. I saw ...
A. 26 April 2014: As you have had 2 dates but not a 3rd then I would text and say 'you can ring me to arrange another date you know'.
If he doesn't, well, just stop replying to his messages, he will either step up and call you, or vanish.
I think texts are ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my ex that he gave me an STI without freaking him out or sounding like I'm blaming him?
Q. I found out today that I have an STI. It's common and treatable and hopefully not a huge deal, but I'm still pretty mortified. I had negative test results before I got together with my ex, and I also had a negative test about 6 weeks after we ...
A. 26 April 2014: That's a lot of tests you've had, did you not insist he had one before you had sex? Or 6 weeks after when you had a 2nd?
Anyway whatever you say its gonna go down like a led balloon so just suggest he gets tested as you know one of his 'flings'... (read in full...)
My life is a mess! How do I tell my parents that I've failed my degree and won't be graduating after all?
Q. Hi Everyone, I've been following this website for a few years and always been impressed by the advice given so thought I would give it a go. Please don't judge me in my problems, I need help. So nearly 4 years ago, I was in a relationship, my...
A. 25 April 2014: I wish I had a pound for every heart broken by somebody at Uni, I would be a rich woman.
I have seen the devastation it causes from anorexia to just giving up Uni altogether
At least you gave it your best shot, which is all you can do.
N... (read in full...)
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