A
male
age
36-40,
*man
writes:Is it ok to walk up to a total stranger that you find either attractive or interesting and ask them out? I am 23 and sadly I have practically zero skill when It comes to dating women any helpful advice would go a long way thanks a lot :) Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2012): Every guy I know that is successful with women is willing to get shot down 10 times for every one success. That's the secret. As for approaching strangers on the street, I think a lot more women would take you up on that idea than the women are saying here. On principle women tend to say no because they don't like to think of themselves as "that kind of girl." But in the real world a lot of them would think of something that they liked about you and make an exception. That "something" usually just boils down to the fact that you had the confidence to approach them so openly. Whatever other reason they give is usually more like something they rationalized. If you hadn't had the factor that they think made you different, then they would have come up with another one. What really did the job was that assertiveness and confidence even though they might never admit it to themselves.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 PS. my best conversation starter at bars or coffee shops is asking the guy in front of me what is the name of what he ordered, because it looks great, or ask if he has any suggestions on what to get. Then pick up on any hints in the conversation and continue talking about that.
At the right occasions you can be more bold. Recently I was spending a night at a hotel, waiting for an early flight the following day. I went to the restaurant to eat and there was only one other guy there, in the entire restaurant. After ordering my meal I walked over to his table and said "Excuse me, I do not mean to bother you. It's just that since you are here alone, and I am here alone, perhaps you would like to share a table? I would enjoy company rather than sit alone". The guy accepted and we talked about this and that and had a nice conversation.
It didn't lead to anything else, but if you do this sort of thing often enough you eventually do end up meeting someone special. And imagine, if I run into that man ever again I can now talk to him and get to know him better. If it hadn't been for us traveling in different directions the following day then who knows.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (16 February 2012):
This is circumstantial. In some circumstances it would be ok. In others it would not.
Broad daylight, walking up to a woman asking her out tends to be not okay.
Broad daylight, complimenting a complete stranger, tends to be acceptable. If she is interested she might stop to chat, or continue a conversation if you left a conversation starter in your compliment. A conversation starter could be as simple as a question. If she's got a dog it is easy: what a cool dog, what kind is it? Or her car: that's a smart car, what model is it?
If you can start up small talk you can ask her out. I wouldn't recommend asking her out without the small talk. But it wont hurt you if you give it a shot anyway, the worst that can happen is she says no.
If you're out at a bar, or at a party, or social gathering, strike up a small talk and ask her out. It is much more acceptable at social gatherings, especially if you have been introduced by someone.
You can also "cover" your asking them out by pretending to not be asking them out. Say you meet an interesting woman. Pretend to be interested in whatever it is that is so fascinating in her life. Say she is an artist, or writes novels. Be super interested in art in general (fake an interest in it if you must), and then invite her to join you on some occasion to "debate" further. If you fake interest in this manner you must be casual the entire time you are with her, talk to her and get to know her, but act uninterested in her romantically. Then as you get to know her better dedicate more interest to her.
Be casual, that's the best advice I can give you. Pretend that it doesn't really matter at all whether the woman says yes or no to your invitation. If they say no just smile and say "ok" and don't bother with her. Move on. Next! Don't play games.. if she says no then just move on and don't come on to her again unless she throws herself at you naked.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 If a strange man walked up to me and asked me out with no prelude I’d say NO even if I found him attractive and I was available.. that’s just too creepy…
But to start a conversation as a prelude to it, something about the weather or if in a store the prices or anything to begin the conversation… then you could say something about getting a drink (coffee dates are my favorite for a first date)…. And offer to meet her at a place… DO NOT ask to pick her up or get in a car with her…. Let her feel safe.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 February 2012):
 I think I would kind of freak out if some random stranger asked me out, in the middle of the street. It might be flattering, but not for me.
If you see someone you think might be a good match, talk to her. If she doesn't seem weirded out, then you can ask her out.
Mainly though, get out there! Go talk to women. Learn how to small talk, not just how to get a "date".
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 Well I am a female, aged 24, and I can tell you now if some guy walked up to me in the street and didnt say anything else to me other than 'will you go out with me' I would be so freaked out. Even if he was the best looking guy in the world I would still think he is a bit nuts!
You can approach people you dont know, and talk to them, but dont go in there right away with the 'will you go out with me' question. Try talking to girls - we dont bite! If you are out in a bar, and see a girl that you like the look of, go up to her and ask if she would like a drink, or start some sort of conversation even if it is small talk. If you are walking down the street and see a hot girl I would advise you dont approach her, generally people walking are on their way somewhere and dont want to be pestered. But bars, clubs, libraries, shops, trains, buses...etc are all ok places to start talking to women. Generally the more social the setting is, the more likely a girl will be open to you approaching her. If she has her headphones on walking down the street she doesnt want to be pestered by some guy asking her out.
Bars and clubs are your best bet - single girls often go out in the evenings to bars looking to have fun with their friends and maybe meet a cute guy. So they will definitely be receptive to someone approaching them. Buying a girl a drink never fails, or simply chatting to her and then later on asking for her number (or if you are feeling brave and have spent a bit of time chatting in the bar, ask her out).
But dont walk up to total strangers without saying a word to them and ask them out, they will think it is a bit creepy and no-one wants to date someone they have never even had a 5 minute conversation with. Try talking first, then ask her out.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Yup, I used to do it all the time for sex. Girls on the street, on the bus, in bars, clubs, anywhere you want.
The 3 most important things are confidence, good grooming (just be clean, with short finger nails and clean clothes) persistence. With those 3 things you can easily get women.
All it takes after that is practice, the balls to be able to do it and to not see rejection as failure but as a stepping stone and a lesson.
Start off by improving your confidence. Work out, eat well, get plenty of rest, do fun things with your spare time and vary them, make your life interesting and fun and you will become interesting and fun and that's the kind of life that makes women want to share it. Like video games? Then play those every second day and pick up an outside hobby, working out in a gym is pretty good for that or a sport. OP physical fitness, greater strength, stamina, power and general health are the best ways for any man to build confidence. That and solve all the niggling insecurities you have.
After that it's as simple as trying. Start off by having small talk with every single woman you meet, the old woman at the bus stop, the cashier, any time you're standing still next to a woman talk to her. If beautiful women make you nervous only speak to those who are outside you rage range or you don't find attractive for a while. Once you get the hang of small talking women, add a little bit of playful, but not overt flirting. You will see what does and does not work and don't worry about saying the wrong thing and creeping a girl out you'll know not to say that next time.
Transfer all that to the beautiful women and if you have a nice conversation with a girl then ask her if she'd be interested in a date, can I have your number kind of thing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Yes!! wish guys would do that all the time! If the girl is taken, she'll take it as a complement at the v least.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2012): Hi there,I would suggest you find something mutually interesting, get a little conversation started on that, and based on the reaction, you can either take it forward planning to meet for coffee/get to know them better, or if they don't show interest, no harm no foul.For example: if a total stranger walked up to me and asked me out by just saying: "you're very attractive will you go out with me?" I might get an ego boost, but I'd be running scared ;-) However, if same stranger saw me buying a meal / food/drink/book/music/anything and I was either next to them, or in a queue waiting, and you began to discuss something about it, THEN you could gauge if the other person was into the chat, and ask to continue the chat another time. Or not.The best advice I can give you is: don't just smile at a girl you are interested in, or hope she will ask you out. If more girls are like me, we WAIT for a guy to pursue, so if guy makes no move, no further interaction takes place.So be bold, be confident, and even if you get rejection lots of times, rather to have tried and lost than regret lost opportunities. My boyfriend was bold, he got my number, he called the next day, he followed through, he was consistent in his interest and intentions, and we have been together ever since :) Good luck and have fun :)xxxx E
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