A
female
age
30-35,
*agicalBubble
writes:I am 19, and stuck in a huge confusion.Here is my story, In Dec 2011 I broke up with my boyfriend and the next day there was this guy from my guitar class whom I became friends with.That friend and I became really good friends and he helped me when I wanted a friend to talk to and forget my boyfriend.After a few days he asked me out and told me he does have feelings for me, I told him I see him as a good friend and would not like to get into a relationship.After a few days my ex wished me on my b'day and since then we've been talking.I still do love my ex.My friend doesn't like me talking to my ex and my ex doesn't like me talking to my friend .I don't want to hurt both at the same time I can't make a decision whom to choose and whom to leave.This friend of mine has become my best friend now and now he's ignoring me cuz i talk to my ex and he feels i am not talking to him like old times.My ex tells me that this friend is a big flirt and a playboy and just wants sex from me and is gonna initially leave me.I dono whom to trust, both these boys have been hurting me.I am sandwiched!I need a solution!Pls help!
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 My advice is to make the choice that works for YOU and be prepared to let both of them go. That and learn to follow your head, not your heart.
Your new guy friend is not a best friend. He's not even a friend. He's a potential lover. At least he hopes he is and his interest in you is purely romantic. This 'best friends' nonsense is what he is willing to let you call it while he convinces you to reconsider. Once he finally accepts that he doesn't stand a chance, he will be gone, and his friendship with him.
Your ex boyfriend is your ex for a reason. You gave it a try and it didn't work out. You're incompatible and both happier apart than together. So let it go already.
Friends and lovers are supposed to compliment your life, not hijack it. Anyone who wants to enjoy the privildge of your time and affection must accept this, but you must be willing to let them go if they don't. Having said that, no potential suitor is going to appreciate having your former lovers in the picture, so you'll have to decide what you want more when the time comes.
These two are using you to compete with each other. If they really cared about YOU, they'd tread very carefully.
A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (16 February 2012):
 First of all, NOBODY has the right to tell you who you can and cannot talk to!
Second: you and your ex broke up. Normally, when a relationship ends, that's it, it is over and done with, finished, history, and not a good idea to try to remain "friends." Why? Because both of you need time to think about what went wrong in the relationship and why it ended; then time to grieve (ESPECIALLY if "you" were the one who was told it was at an end!) and lastly to move on with your lives separately.
Evidently things were not going well with you and your ex or it wouldn't have ended, correct?
If this new "best friend" is ignoring you because you have been talking to your ex, well, that's not very respectful, now is it? Nor is he being considerate of you and your wishes.
Finally, IF what your ex says about this new friend is true - that he's a playboy, only wants sex, etc., then that MIGHT be the voice of jealousy talking or it might in fact be the truth. Do you have any women friends who know this new man? If so, they may be able to tell you what he's really like.
I recommend you trust your instincts. If something doesn't feel right then it most likely isn't. You know the signs, I guess, of a player? He'll try to rush you into a relationship, sweet-talk you, and try to get you to go over to his place (assuming he lives on his own) or go to your home, rather than going out on a date. If he starts pressuring you to sleep with him, then of course you'll know for certain the kind of man he is.
You have been honest with him, told him you see him as a friend and no more; that's good. If that's how you feel then stick to it.
Finally, don't put up with any nonsense from either of them about not speaking to the other - if they won't listen, then let them go their own ways and leave you alone!
Hope this helps.
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