A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I am a 26 year old male guy currently staying in the US, trying to get a job. While working as a student worker at the University where I graduated form(for the past few months), i had the chance to work with this Korean girl who is new in America and the university, and in time i started feeling something deeper for her. I was sometimes sending her messages or commenting her pictures on facebook but nothing too freaky or intrusive. Then i decided to go for the big move, and recently asked her out on a date. She said yes and the date did happen. I expressed my feelings to her by saying something like " I like you and i would like you to be my girl. If you are interested in me then we can take it as slow as you like, because i find you special...But if you don't please let me know and i will not insist, or make you feel uncomfortable" She seemed kinda shocked/nervous and never really gave me a definite answer that night, but she kept looking at me in the eyes in a way i have never seen before. I can't explain it. Yet she was overprotective and wouldn't even let me hold her hand, or any other physical contact. She did share with me a bad past experience in which her ex was cheating on her, and did ask me questions such as: "a)how do i know i can trust you? b)you barely know me, how can you say im special to you? c) i bet you have 3 girlfriends while we're speaking don't you?"She practically "let" me hugg her at the end of the night after i asked. after that i thought to myself, give her a couple of days, maybe she would want time to think, or send me a message. Nothing. 2 days later i call her and she wouldnt answer. later on i have sent her a message and asked if she had gotten the call and to see if she ahd thought about the things i told her. And a while after i got ther "i see you as a friend" message. I understand that maybe i didnt give her enough time but still, she never really responded to some of the messages i'd send her in the pastI understand that logic has a small place in matters of the heart but as a man from mars this is my strength and ill try be as accurate as i can beHere's my path of thought She said that she wants to see me as a friend because a) she never liked me and didnt wanna hurt me or b) she was unsure to go on due to a bad experience in a past relationship, even thought she may like me as more than a friend If its a) why would she even come on a date with me if she doesnt even like me?is it possible that she would not even ponder what was coming? For as long as i know her, she is not the kind of persont that would take advantage of a guy over some dinner.(maybe half a year isnt enough to know a person entirely, but its enough to me to know some basic things). The way she looked at me in the eyes as soon as i told her i like her, god i cant stand thinking about it, it was the most beautiful thing i've experienced in the world. It made me think that i may have a chance. if it's b) then maybe she's trying to protect herself from being hurt.this is where my logic stops. I dont know what to do. My senses tell me to stop and let her be. By something deeper just cant understand how she could look into my eyes like that and then tell me to be jsut friends.I'm thinking about insisting. I want to just get her some flowers, give them to her and show that i really am here for her.Yet I could be becoming annoying and intrusive. If she likes me at elast 1% wouldnt she show it in any other way?the only thing that gives me hope is the look she gave me and that innocent smile, and then comes the message every guy if haunted with, "I see you as a friend"I understand this looks like a wall of text but if you do get to read it, I would greatly appreciate your insightthanksAthos
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female
reader, Triskaedeka102  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Just a little insight, we Asian women tend to be slow and overprotective of ourselves when it concerns romantic relationship. Go slow, and she'll realize your sincerity. Good luck :]
A
male
reader, athos_prv +, writes (8 April 2009):
i agree with all the comments. I rushed it up too much. But i don't think i could handle not going ahead and expressing how i see her because i haven't dated for years...simply for the reason that i was waiting to find someone special. I think i found her, and even though i moved to fast i have not hurt her in any way. I'm willing to fight for her. This is a time in my life where almost everything is going wrong. I just cannot accept letting go so fast because in the end i could succeed. After this i cannot go back to the things i used to do. If i am to fail in the end, let it be...But i haven't done nearly enough to earn this girl yet. 1 attempt is not enough
thanks again all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): I do think you did come on a bit strong with her, the first date. And it unsettled her, but just a bit. Typically, korean women can be very timid. Do you think perhaps, she needs more time getting to know the fun loving, 'real' you, as a friend? My advice, relax, be happy and respectful of her at all time (at work), dont over analyze everything..just try to be yourself. And be positive, let her get to know you as a trustworthy friend, first and maybe in a couple months, ask her out again.
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A
male
reader, Neboraic  +, writes (7 April 2009):
youve done all you can, gently remind her how you feel and if that fails then forget about her
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