A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How are us average sized guys meant to reconcile the fact that the average sized girl can take more than 50% volume of dick that we have? Our goal is to give maximum sexual pleasure, and in almost all cases, bigger is better (up to a point) (don't talk about dicks that are too big). We can NEVER give the maximum pleasure she can experience. We WANT to do it with our dicks (it's like a core part of our identity). We want to be DESIRED with as much SEXUAL desire as we have for the girl we are with. But it's impossible. Simply impossible.If a girl moans a little with the average size, she will like the biggest size she can take WAY more (whether she is capable of orgasm or not). If a girl only cums with a pornstar sized dick, that's even crazier. It means the average guy is truly INADEQUATE for giving what we WANT to give. Is it any wonder why guys are obsessed with size?Yeah, we have mouths and hands to use, but so does the small percentage of guys with big dicks. Whatever an average guy can do with his dick, the big dick guy can do better (unless you're talking gspot stimulation. He can just use a finger for that. Or his girth will hit that spot)If all guys settled only for girls who we could fill maximally (not so big that it hurts badly), there would be a lot of guys and girls without a partner. Sure, most guys are around average (so called safety in numbers). But a girl's pleasure is the goal. She may want the guy, but she's fantasizing about maximum pleasure, and that can only come from the optimum sized dick (the one that stretches her out as much as possible without hurting).What's worse is that girls just don't care. Most girls can take way in excess of the average size (safety in numbers), and being able to take so much dick is like, good to them. If they have a guy with a big dick, it's like something to boast about.WTF?!!!
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female
reader, StraightTalker  +, writes (27 December 2009):
Can i also add that i have had several sexual partners of all shapes and size ranging from about 12 inches down to about 4. so I KNOW what im talking about. I can understand why men feel anxious but women have just as much pressure on them to be slim/curvy/pretty/tight vagina etc.
A
female
reader, StraightTalker +, writes (27 December 2009):
You have been watching too much porn and need to chill out. As a woman i was actually a bit offended by this article as you seem to think you know exactly what women think. Everyone is different and yes SOME (the MINORITY) women like big cocks, some like medium and some like smaller ones. If everyone was the same then can you imagine how boring it would be? You get shallow women who may put a man down because his cock isn't huge but then again you also get shallow man who will only shag or dfate women with e.g. Huge perky boobs, neat, tidy, tight vagina, Perfect smile, blonde hair etc. Maybe you have been hurt in the past and this is why you believe that all women think this way or enjoy big cocks more. I dont mean to be rude or judge you but you give the impression of being quite arrogant and a bit of a know it all. I think you need to stop painting all women with the same brush and if it is really affecting your sex life then seek proffesional help. You obviously care about pleasing women which is brilliant but i would be more turned off nby your obsessiveness with penis size, rather than the actual size!
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male
reader, Tirekyll +, writes (16 December 2009):
speaking from simply what I've learned, a guys dick size really makes no difference. Unless you're so small you can't put it in, in that case, go to a doctor(seriously, that's a bad thing). I could be wrong, however i find a girl to be much more "excitable" if you treat her to a romantic dinner, maybe a bath with the lights either off or dimmed surrounded with vanilla(or whatever you choose) scented candles. Be kind to her, mentally and physically, show her you love her and her body. You don't even have to do what I noted above, it just makes things a bit more interesting. Use things, whether be objects(doesn't have to be sex toys), or soft whispers in her ear. Find what drives her crazy and take advantage of that. Most of all, BE POLITE. A lot of guys seem to miss this factor. I don't mean by saying thank you, or excuse you when you sneeze(that should come naturally). When she comes in from a hard day at work, maybe have dinner ready, take her coat off, help her in any way possible to make her feel happy. When it comes to foreplay, and this is important, a lot of guys also miss this. Foreplay does NOT exclusively mean pull her pants down and start eating her out(not that some girls would mind that kind of spontaneousness I'm sure). Kiss her cheek, her lips, rub her shoulders, kiss gently along her neck as you feel every muscle in her body relax. Do things like this, and your girl will be a puddle in your hands.There's a lot of things I'm missing here but you get the point. Penis size has little to do with turning you girl on, honestly she should be wet as a water slide before you even pull it out of your pants.
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A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (15 December 2009):
 Most important principle is always missed before minor details. Just as man's intelligence do not depend upon the height or weight of the body, even though it is gifted by nature. Such is the pattern in sexual life also, Size of sex organ is totally irrelevant in achieving highest possible pleasure. Sex desire is also rooted from the wave length of Individual's intellectual make up. how successfully he is able to deal with 'abstraction'.One philosophic thinker has noted that 'mankind'-During religious culture has lost his grasp over reason.What is required? or What sort of abstraction here I am suggesting? It is this-Spiritual experience in sexual activity is this abstraction, required our meditation and also attention.
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male
reader, interiorcrocodile  +, writes (15 December 2009):
Here's an opinion from a man with a somewhat larger penis: trust me, no one cares. No women, anyway. An average size guy can slam a girl's cervix; most aren't a fan. An average size guy can enjoy penetration in a variety of positions; some smaller and bigger guys can't. Being average must have something going for it, it's average for a reason.
Beyond all that, stop looking at it from a man's POV (unless you're having sex with men, in which case, nevermind). Think about, or better yet ask, what a woman wants. Don't place on them your fears. When 90%+ of women tell you the same thing-- that it's less about size and more about romance-- it's worth taking note.
Even at seven to eight inches I'm not the biggest my fiancee has had, but our sex is the best, so who cares? Go out there, find the right woman, and have fun.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2009): As a woman, I really don't get the obsession with dick size. I mean, does it really matter? If it's like an inch then yeah, you're going to get some issues raised, (so to speak, but otherwise it really is what you do with it that counts. Women give it "OOOOH You're soooo big! =O " because they think that's what men want to hear, but honestly don't think they care really.
My boyfriend is slightly over average (about 7 1/2 inch)and i find that this is quite painful sometimes.
Most women come through clitoral stimulation so if you can lick and flick then you're fine. It's all about the foreplay for a lot of women.
Honestly don't worry.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): According to David Shade, the size of your tool doesn't matter when a girl has high self esteem and high enough intelligence, and preferably imaginative. For these girls, the psychological far outweighs the physical.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hi I'm also a small-dick guy. I've been totally humiliated all my sex life by my short-and-thinness. Probably the worst is that girls have even commented that what really ruins the fun for them is the odd shape of my twizzler: moderately thick at the base, thinning gradually to what the girls say is the smallest head they have ever seen. I am even ashamed to let them see it.
Since the first rejection I have worked very hard improving myself in other areas of my life. I've become a good musician (I arrange songs that are played for customers waiting on-hold when they call customer service), an athlete (played semi-pro sport for two seasons) and I am professionally successful and moderately wealthy (I made some decent money while it lasted with real estate mortgage/CDO/CDS ponzi schemes and subsequent government bailouts - thank God for all the suckers who took on ridiculous mortgages over the past several years.)
Despite all these accomplishments, not to mention a great sense of style and taste, I feel like I keep coming up short due to my size.
Now I just get off on revenge. My goal is to see how many girls I can bed without leaving them with any satisfaction. Like James Bond, I take pride in being able to slip in, unnoticed, fire my shot, and slip out undetected. I love to hear the groans: What was that? Was that IT?!!! Can we try it again? Etc. Etc. - as I drift off to sleep or excuse myself to return home. "Uh... I gotta go..." I say. Beautiful words.
Nothing like another unsatisfied customer.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Regarding the quote from Kayleen:
The internet has too many quotes. You can look at quotes that men love breast implants too. We need to get back to the basics. There is way too much information out there. None of us are perfect and the right girl that is nuts about you will not judge you on your size.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Making love without sex/orgasms is a separate issue. Most girls simply want to get fucked. And being in love is rare anyway.
Even the sex researcher Dr Helen Fisher believes bigger is better, btw.
A quote from Kayleen:
I've been in several relationships and have just started new one. We made love for the first time last week and he is massive. It was a bit of a shock to feel so completely filled but I loved it. I thought penis size didn't matter but have changed my mind since!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I agree I would be totally turned off to penis enlargement. It is probably very dangerous, just as breast implants are. Girls (except for breast cancer patients) that have thier skin cut open and implant artificial materials in thier body are probably not stable. Everyone out there plays on our insecurities to get us to purchase thier products. PLastic surgeons are rollling in the dough. Lets raise our boys and girls to love themselves the way they are. That is what I am doing with my daughter, she is perfect with all of her imperfections just the way she is. She is beaming with confidence as well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Anonymour writer, who posted this.....
"The best sex I ever had, was not called sex. And I didn't even orgasm. But it was the best I ever had. We lit some candles. We kissed. We went at it slow, looking into each others eyes and whispered to each other that we love each other. It's not called sex though, it's called making love. And it's the best and most pleasurable I ever had."
Congratulations! Your answer should be at the top of all answers to any future questions of this type - and we will still get many - as the definitive answer.
Maybe blokes will shut up obsessing then? Just after the pigs get airborne!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Why are you presuming that your Ex's new boyfriend is bigger than you?
I will tell you this I bet he is a bigger man than you and I am talking about his size.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Being Hung Up
You know, if I were a woman shopping a male brothel, I'd probably carry a measuring tape with me. But even then, if I didn't like the look on the big guy or he seemed like a meanie or a showoff, I'd pick the nicer one.
In a relationship, or even a one night stand there is so much other stuff going that this concern is just weird.
There is so little time in the world and we spend a fraction of it on sexuality, still little on improving little ways to become better lovers. But you'd spend it on getting a bigger dick.
I'm considerably shorter than my bf. So what should I do? Moan about how he would be with a perfectly matched person?
When I'm orgasming with a guy the concern is how tuned in he is to me. How much he cares. And how much is he tolerant of my little idiocyncracies.
A guy who has penis enlargment would just weird me out. Just as most men (at least on this site) don't seem to care for breast enlargements. The physical pleasure that it MAY give would come later, what it does display is the hang up the guy has with his penis.
If I were in a relationship and my man did this, it would drive me away. If we were not in a relationship a confession to a dick job would make me find excuses to not see him again.
If this is how important you think your size is, what expectations would you have from the girl?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 December 2009):
 It's not the mods keeping answers off the answer. There simply aren't any women posting from the other point of view. Go figure.
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male
reader, bharat mehta +, writes (13 December 2009):
Sex discussion around certain points like 1. Dick size, 2. G-spot stimulation, 3. Clitoral massage..is in a sense more materialistic, or in scientific terms more advanced which can be the proper subject of doctors and not of lovers.
2. sex talk all goes around giving and taking. It is male who gives and female who takes, ...is not at all relevant with love and passion. Those who really feels love can achieve all possible pleasure by merely gazing each other also, and is real reality of love. Lovers do not feel love by anatomical shape of private part, but by creative personality one has developed.
3. Really, an intelligent female never think about dick size of one, whom she begin to admire which will soon going to be worshiping state of mind. This is also true for male, who never consider the size of breast etc...Sex is celebration of 'love'- one experience in the company of loved one. Love and sex are in separable,if separated then loss all meaning of love and also of sex. It is not the subject of science that can teach what is love and how to love? Our anatomy is nothing more than an expression of 'desire' which is the magic of love. And, nature of desire is VOLITION, which is required to learn.
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female
reader, sanrio.kawaii +, writes (13 December 2009):
My bf has an average size dick and I love it. Hes 6 inches wich is average. Sometimes it hurts me cuz he hits the top of my vagina wich really hurts. God, Id hate it if his dick was anybigger. Stop watching porn.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (13 December 2009):
 I'm a straight guy, and a virgin at that, so I can't say anything from experience except that third-base I've done, but it seems to me this is like the old saying "Fat girls give the best head." A man with a large penis won't think he has to work at it. He'll expect a woman to scream just because he's so large (and indeed she may, either out of pain or frustration). But someone who has an average, or even slightly smaller penis, but can WORK it and puts in effort... he'll be the better lover.
I did oral for my ex, and let me tell you, even though she never got to experience how big/small I am, I made her orgasm anyway. You say larger men have fingers and tongues too, but you're looking at that backwards. You have fingers and a tongue just as useful as large men have! So you can make her love it just as well as pornstars could.
And I'm with anon below that making love beats sex any day. (At least, that's what I keep telling myself as I wait for someone worth giving up my V-Card.)
And hey, at least you're average. You're sad you're not in the 95th percentile? Be glad you're not in the 10th and count your blessings.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Sure, I watch porn, and I'm influenced by it. But I'm also influenced by my ex girlfriend who could obviously take more than what I've got and likes it 'deep' (a LOT of girls say this). So it makes sense that she would like a bigger size. Now she probably realises that bigger is better because she's got a new boyfriend.Again, guys have grown their dicks, and their partners simply like the sex more.Are the moderators even allowing posts by the girls who are into size?Have the ones who've posted even had dicks that were really big yet not so big that it hurts? Have they had dicks that could reach the end of their vaginas? If not, then it's no wonder length wouldn't appear to matter.
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female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (13 December 2009):
Huh??? WTF are you talking about?!
The only difference between a guy with a big dick and a guy with a small one is.... wait for it.... CONFIDENCE! If you ever heard a girl say she prefers big dicks, she is talking about the confidence the guy has. Unless you are talking about the porn women!!! If so, these women are just selling you a fantasy that's all. You seriously need to get out more and live in the real world. I know you thought you were being intellectual and philosophical but this is nothing but total BS.
I have just tried to reread your post.... Are we being punked????
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male
reader, duce00 +, writes (13 December 2009):
 On the serious side:
The wise a learned men here have put it to you right. Gotta know that you can give the them the great "O" basically. You can do this with your tongue or your dick or your clever hands (better if you can do all three) but in the end you must learn these things.Take all that skill and add a genuine attraction (dare I say love) then you really have something that no porn star can touch.
On the lighter side:
As per my latest calculation this is post # 1,345,231,971 regarding dick size...no really!! :)
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (13 December 2009):
 I'd just add to some of the comments here that link this kind of concern to watching too much porn. It is really not all about porn. As a young guy you see a lot of other guys' dicks, it can't be helped, we have communal showers after rugby or football or whatever other sport, of course you don't look but you see nonetheless... the guy I shared a room with my last year at boarding school had one so long it sometimes used to escape from the bottom of his running shorts when he was cross country running. Men have had this issue since long before porn was widely available. And then of course there are adverts designed to play on a sense of inadequacy - although of course women are on the receiving end of lot more of those than we are. Even though we see this question every day I don't think that young men should be shot down for raising it.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (13 December 2009):
 1. You watch too much porn.
2. Ask women what they like best about sex and get some different answers. Trust me, it's not solely about dick size.
3. Try actually having sex with a woman before you write yourself off. You'd be surprised.
4. Seriously, stop watching so much porn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I agree with everyone on here. If a womne loves you size does not matter. The last man I fell in love with was the sweetest man in the world, but was horrible in bed and had Erectile Dysfunction. His heart made up for it and I would have stayed with him, if that was the worst problem. I get hit on by alot of guys and I am sure some of them terrific lovers. I went through the same irrational thinking about women and breast implants. You should listen to what we are saying here. If a women loves you ,it will not matter. YOu can please her in many, many ways.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): You do watch too much porn, try having a relationship first with a real live girl, then you won't be so consumed about dick size because she won't be either. If the woman you are dating compares you to other penises she has had, then she is an insensitive moron and she watches too much porn, I don't know I just don't have the answer you want to hear. But what you are saying is stupid.
And there is just no cure for stupid, sorry.
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male
reader, baddogbj +, writes (13 December 2009):
You have to somehow get this idea out of your head otherwise it will wreck your life. I'm a big guy - 280 pounds, sporty (when younger), big shoulders but my dick is on the smaller side of average and when resting it pretty much disappears. On a big body it just looks even smaller. I went to all boys boarding schools and so sex wasn't really on the agenda until I was 18 but throughout my 20s when I was basically a fit, healthy, decent looking, well educated, polite guy, I was constantly hung up on the concern that any girl I took home was going to be disappointed with what she found. As a result I never got far with the girls that I really liked and most of my sex in my early 20s was when I was drunk - I actually lost my virginity when I was 18 in a backstreet brothel in Bangkok. As it happens no girl ever mentioned it BUT I was so convinced that it must be an issue that I thought that they were just being polite and that they really wanted something better. I never made an issue out of it either, I never brought it up, I never asked them, but that was what was going on in my mind and it crippled me.It wasn't until I was in my mid 30s, no longer in any way good looking, with more of my 280 pounds on my middle than where it should be and still with the same smaller than average dick that I finally was able to accept that astonishingly beautiful and generally lovely women, who any sane person would think are out of my league, actually really enjoy having sex with me. The downside is that discovering this in my mid to late 30s, I was like being a boy with a new toy and I now have way too much sex with well over the generally acceptable number of people. Now, despite the fact that I'm somewhat ugly and overweight, I can look at a stunningly beautiful woman, 10, 15, 20 years younger than me and I know that if she has sex with me SHE is going to be lucky, she's going to have a great time. Women have a radar that picks up on this and they can certainly tell the difference between the guy who is thinking what I'm thinking and the guy who is thinking "Oh my god, she's going to be disappointed with me". I say this not to "show off" but just to say, as someone who has wasted 7-8 years of his adult life on exactly the same concern that you have, the sooner you get over it and get it out of your mind the better, it's not real.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 December 2009):
A really good slice of chocolate cake, made with the finest chocolate and exquisite texture and WONDERFUL icing is superb. Awesome. I'm fainting just thinking about it. It fills the stomach so well, and the entire experience of savoring it is fabulous. Its smell, its taste, its appearance, its texture, the way it fits in the mouth, ooohhhh ahhhh, YUM.
Yum yum yum.
But eat a supersized piece of that same cake, well, it fills the stomach, yes it does, it completely fills that stomach. But it makes you feel so awful and disgusting and actually a little ill. You feel queasy for hours afterwards, because there is too much of everything.
More is not necessarily better.
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You really are working yourself into a state, aren't you? Average is perfect. If it weren't, it would have been bred out of existence.
The only inadequacy I detect here is between the ears.
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female
reader, Larrk +, writes (13 December 2009):
Your very worried over nothing. Most guys are not big and big hurts. Porn really perpetuates that myth. The best sex I ever had was with a guy with a normal one. It was because of the love. Women are in love with being in love.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): I am the OP.
There are guys who have stretched their dicks to pornstar size, and say that their partners (or numerous hook ups) just keep enjoying the size more and more.
But penis enlargement is DANGEROUS. I know it.
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female
reader, BettyBoup +, writes (13 December 2009):
 Unfortunately dicks come in all shapes n sizes, most 'average'. It is true, most girls can accomodate a larger cock than what is the average and it is generally assumed that bigger is better, as it gives more pleasure etc. But unfortunateky our bodies dont all fit the fantasised ideal. Us women dont all have perfectly tight vaginas and the majority dont have the perfect barbie doll, skinny body huge perfect boobs portrayed in the media. We just have to accept this. Everyone is different, its a good thing, or sex would be boringly predictable. Its up to a couple to make their sex life pleasurable for each person. If every dick was the 'optimum' size, not too big, just big enough, then this would become the norm and nothing special. You just have to accept, you have an 'average'(if you do) size dick, and dont ruminate over it. This can ruin sex lives and relationships where a guy never feels like he is fully satisfying his girlfriend during sex. This makes the girl feel helpless because there is nothoing she can say to make the guy feel better. From experience, I just want to have sex with my boyfriend because I find him extremely attractive and I want to explore my sexuality with him. But he has expressed similar to what you have said, that he always feels he is disappointing me because he thinks his cock size is not satisfying me. This has had an effect on our relationship as he has avoided sex because of this. I wish i knew the answer mate, all i can say is, this is life, it isn't fair or perfect. Just don't let it get to you too much and enjoy sex for what is it, without worrying whether you are giving her 'ultimate pleasure'. Have faith that being with you is the ultimate pleasure for her as it is for me being with my fella. Just wish I could make him understand :/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): "We can NEVER give the maximum pleasure she can experience." - WRONG
"If a girl moans a little with the average size, she will like the biggest size she can take WAY more" -WRONG AGAIN
"Is it any wonder why guys are obsessed with size?" -if you're basing it off the WRONG information listed above I guess I can see why you are obsessed...
"Yeah, we have mouths and hands to use, but so does the small percentage of guys with big dicks." - Doesn't mean they know how to use them, hahaha!
"Whatever an average guy can do with his dick, the big dick guy can do better " - WRONG and oh so wrong.. in fact there are many things big dicks just can't do.
"If all guys settled only for girls who we could fill maximally (not so big that it hurts badly)" - You're saying the clues here over and over but don't seem to get it? Girls don't need or want guys to fill them maximally, because that's when it borders to PAIN. Filling just enough is great.
"Sure, most guys are around average (so called safety in numbers). But a girl's pleasure is the goal" - Thats great to hear! We want guys to are willing to give it all to please us, keep that up!
"She may want the guy, but she's fantasizing about maximum pleasure, and that can only come from the optimum sized dick (the one that stretches her out as much as possible without hurting)." - WRONG again. Maximum please does not come from optimum sized dicks.
"If they have a guy with a big dick, it's like something to boast about." - you boast until you get it in your pussy and realize you can only do one position because the others are horrible.
Now let me let you in on a little "secret" that you should know. And listed very carefully. The best sex I ever had, was not called sex. And I didn't even orgasm. But it was the best I ever had. We lit some candles. We kissed. We went at it slow, looking into each others eyes and whispered to each other that we love each other. It's not called sex though, it's called making love. And it's the best and most pleasurable I ever had.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2009): Maximum pleasure for a woman is not received through big dicks in her pussy. Enough said. Get that into your head once and for all.
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