A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have dated only one guy for my entire high school career. I love him so much. There isn't really as much of a spark anymore, but we still think of each other in a romantic way and we know each other better than anyone else in the world. It's a more quiet kind of love. Which is why I know he's going to find out how ambivalent I am about our relationship.I love him so much but... I'm only 17. There are so many "what ifs" in my mind and I don't want to regret losing my youth and impulsivity. It's not that I don't want to stay with my boyfriend. I do. It just seems like this long term relationship is coming at a bad time because I still want to experience that "spark" with other guys. And to some extent I feel that if we broke up and I dated other guys, I would return to the relationship more sure of him and more sure that this is what I want.This all came to a head because a previously unattainable guy I've been attracted too for a long period of time asked me to go on a date with him in the coming week. And I want to go so badly, but I love my boyfriend so much at the same time. I know that everyone will say that I don't truly care about him if I want to go on a date with this other guy, but would I really be so torn up and upset and asking for advice on some random forum if I didn't love him?
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broke up, period, spark Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2008): If you're not ready, you're not ready. I'm guessing he's a really great guy, you don't want to hurt him, but if you're still wondering about other men, which you should be, then you need to explore it, because you will never be satisfied otherwise. The timing is all wrong for you to have a long term relationship, and you already know this. I don't know your boyfriend, but if he's stuck with you this long, then, I imagine he is the dedicated, caring type. You don't want to hurt him but, there's no easy way to sugar-coat "I want to see other men."
I want to let you know that, it's probably unlikely you can come back to him, unless he's open minded enough to explore other relationships as well; it has to be a mutual agreement, but I'm thinking this is unlikely... again, I don't know how he feels about you, only you'd know. If he absolutely loves you, then it's more probable you'll break his heart, and he will feel betrayed as you date elsewhere. I'm not trying to be snide, it's just the truth.
But you get it, every guy needs to have this happen to them. If you're still in high school, and this is his first long-term relationship, it's going to hurt like heck. He might take you back later but, he'll be wiser about it, and likely, will not feel the same way he does now. If he takes you back out of insecurity, he's a doormat. You need to explore other men, so explore other men; you may regret it later, but, we're only human, sometimes we just don't know what's good for us until we muck it up. Best of luck, I wish you the best.
A
female
reader, growing  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 I guess you are just assuring yourself by saying" but would I really be so torn up and upset and asking for advice on some random forum if I didn't love him?"
Coming on to your question,your age is prone to fun and exciting things.So its very obvious that when you don't have goodtime in your relationship,so called love relationship;then you intend to discover other tastes of life. But this is not some cuisine that you have to decide for dinner.
Can you bear that yr bf is unsure about you and want to fool around with sum1 for 1 week just to make his mind sure about you?if your answer is "yes",then i think if he is ok with this idea then he won't mind you doing either.so go ahead and have fun. but if the answer is "no",then you know it,that you should not be doing it.
I would also like to bring one other aspect in light.sometime just bcos you have been with some1 for long,so you just get used to his company.so it can be that there is no more love from your side and it is just for the heck of being with him you are still dating him.so reevaluate your siuation and if you think that the new guy is more appealing then first leave yr bf and then move on to him.
You even have another way.If your bf is open minded and won't mind you to go around with yr male frd then be responsible to inform him in advance that you are going with this guy who is yr frd and then you can judge this new guy but yes you shoud behave just as a frd atleast on that day.
Answering this one from all the angles was far more difficult then prepaing for defence..loll!!
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (8 May 2008):
 It's funny that you should write to us here because in real life, my name is actually Random Forum! Well, it will be by next week when I have it legally changed...
You are young, you are in high school, you don't have a child with this guy, you aren't committed because your not engaged to be married or married! This is the time of your life when you should be exploring yourself and what you want for the future.
My only worry here is that you have a flaw in your thinking as far as going back to your boyfriend and it being stronger afterwards. It could, if everything went according to your plan... BUT - What if He doesn't want you back and It's never the same again afterwards? Only you can judge how much you love and care about your boyfriend and whether or not you have a love that can last. One sure thing is that if you loved him as much as you say you do, you would put him and his feelings first. If you can't do this, you aren't ready to be married, and that's one sure way to count on a divorce happening, not being able to see things through your partners eyes, communicating and making equitable compromises.
That adrenaline rush is a short lived thing, it is great in the beginning, but it always gets back into that more quiet kind of love. The big reason that you should possibly explore it is that you are SOooo uncertain about how you feel about him, perhaps it's a bit unfair not to explore other options if he isn't getting your best - for his sake as well - he deserves the same! Be careful in life of what you wish for, you may wind up getting it! Just remember that this is the same as any other decision, in choosing something, you have to give up the other choice. It wouldn't be fair to dangle his heart on a string if you aren't going to love him in return. Learning to make choices that you can live with is one tough lesson. Unfortunately, you are the only one who knows your own heart. Good Luck Dear.
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A
male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (8 May 2008):
 Hi there...
Well, I kind of think that you're right: you are a bit too young to (first of all) be thinking in a long-term relationship kind of thing. There's a whole world full of people you haven't met yet!
My opinion is to follow through with that date... but I would add this extra warning and advise. Don't go someplace where you're likely to run into your current boyfriend or any of his friends that might rat you out. The other thing to deal with (one way or another), assuming that first date goes well and there's something that develops there, then you and your current boyfriend should figure out what's going on between you (as in either reassure each other things are still cool or you should both move on). Leaving things dangling is never a good thing if you can help it. Honestly, I would solve the current situation BEFORE taking off for the date, then it really won't matter if you run into anyone on your date... see what I mean?
Good luck and have fun!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): First off how old is your boyfriend...age is actually a big factor. Secondly how well do you know this new guy and is he someone that you could like more than a friend. Message me and i can help you through this i have a girlfriend of about 3 years and i know what you are going through.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2008): First off how old is your boyfriend...age is actually a big factor. Secondly how well do you know this new guy and is he someone that you could like more than a friend. Message me and i can help you through this i have a girlfriend of about 3 years and i know what you are going through.
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