A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend of 9 years and we have a 5 month old baby. We also haven't had sex since I was about 6 months pregnant making it 8-9 months total with no intimacy excluding greeting hugs and kisses. While pregnant he said he wanted to stop having sex bc he felt weird and I respected that. Now our child is 5 months old and we still aren't having any sex. I don't know what to do. I have verbally expressed my feelings on a regular basis to the point where I have decided not to say anything anymore bc I feel like I'm begging. I'm considering cheating or leaving and neither option is what I desire but my needs being pushed aside like this make me very unhappy and it is also affecting how I interact with him in every other way. I'm starting not to even want the greeting hugs and kisses because I'm so upset about not getting anything else. He says he wants to be with me in every way and besides the sex I am treated well in our relationship. Things continuing this way will definitely be a deal breaker for me but should I stay with him and have my needs satisfied elsewhere? Or just leave altogether? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (29 May 2012):
 Have you asked him why he still feels weird about having sex? It seems a shame to throw away a 9 year relationship with a great guy who treats you well and is the father of your child because something is holding him back from sleeping with you. Maybe he's afraid he'll hurt you, or maybe he's exhausted from the new baby, or maybe he's still trying to separate your body from the body weirded him out a bit because it housed this new little human that you both contributed to the universe.
I wouldn't cheat or leave just yet! It is worth putting in the effort to get to the bottom of this. Maybe you both should go in and talk to your doctor about whether or not it is safe to have sex yet and that will put him at ease. Maybe talking to a counselor will help. But really, I think just talking to him and really listening to what the problem is will answer a lot of your questions! Good luck!
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