A
male
age
41-50,
*attUK
writes:I met a girl online a couple of months ago and we have met a few times since then. We get on really well and she is one if the few girls that I've met that I can talk with for hours on end and forget what the time is. We appear to have so much in common and I really like her, we had dinner tonight and a snog which we both really enjoyed.The problem I have is her size. In the past I have only been attracted to and dated fairly slim women. This girl is much larger (UK 16 or more) and I feel very shallow for thinking this but I just don't find her physically attractive. Perhaps that's not entirely true, she is pretty but just much larger than any girl I have dated in the past. I would like to have a relationship with her but I'm afraid that when it came to sex I would just be turned off by her size. I feel very bad about this but I am worried about letting it go any further in case that happens. I am quite a fit guy and take care in keeping fit. Do you think I could change my feelings towards large women or should I try and cool things down before I hurt her feelings. I really care for her and love the fact that we can talk so well together.What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Dear Sweet Pea...this is about you, and not her. ... I am a size 12) But if you desire women a smaller size, it is much easier on YOU and the PARTNER, you are trying to court. It really dosent matter in the long run, as long as you are Up front at the beginnning at the start of the romance. Just don't lie to me..and I am OK. Best Of Luck Booger Bo!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2008): Is she really important to you?Do you feel like she is there for you emotionally?And like Country Woman said,do you know if she is comfortable with her size?If she iscomfortable,then I don't think she'd change for you becauseshe likes herself and she won't change herself for you.If she has admitted that she isn't comfortable and would like to lose weight,then you can help her and motivate her.But you really need to think about those questions.They are very important.If she likes herself the way she is,I think that you would be able to get past that as your relationship gets stronger. If you really care about her,then don't try to change her unless she wants to.wish you the best.x
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (8 August 2008):
 I had the same problem when I met my husband. He was bigger than any other guy I had ever been with in my life (I was 36, he was 32). He is good looking and VERY well endowed but his weight put me off a little bit, ex was
very very very slim, skinny almost.
5 years later i find skinny men such a turn off!!!! Hubbie has lost weight and gone from 18stone to 15 stone. Ive gone from a uk 12 to a 16 bck down to a 12-14 and do you know what??? I love him to bits and see past the weight and he sees past mine too x
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A
male
reader, Replacement  +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Well, while we're sort of opposite in our preferences (I prefer my women to be fit and around US size 12-14 because I like a bit of booty) I can relate to your situation. A few years back I was dating a girl who I really connected with but she was a bit too slim for my taste and it affected my attraction to her. As a result, our sex life was... lacking. I found myself wanting to get it over with rather than truly enjoying it, so our relationship only lasted a few months before I called it quits. I've dated a variety of body types and sizes and eventually discovered which size and shape I preferred and I have had my most successful sexual relationships with women who I found extremely attractive.
The fact is, everyone has a 'type' and it's beyond their control... you can't change your 'type' anymore than she can change her size. It just is, and unfortunately it might render you incompatible. But you can always give it a go anyway and hope for the best.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (8 August 2008):
 OK personally being a larger woman myself means that I see this from the woman's point of view and can't help that.
OK so is this woman happy with her size or does she tell you that she wants to be slimmer?
Not everybody has a fantastic relationship with someone and can communicate and have common interests so the question here is really do you want to give up on those aspects of this friendship just because she is of larger proportions.
Some people like myself have more reasons behind why they are larger and this can stem from a lot of things i.e. comfort eating due to stress or worry in their lives or having an unhealthy diet or medical reasons that prevent them from exercising.
Now you say she is probably (UK 16) which is nowadays the average size for a woman as it used to be 14 but this is not a size 24 or 30 so we are not talking massive proportions here.
The one thing you forget is that sex burns off a lot of calories and believe me if you like keeping fit you can always talk to her about working out or swimming, cycling etc and see what her thoughts are on those activities.
The outer casing can always change but the inner person can't so you could find a perfect size 10 or 12 girl but she may never have the personality attributes of this lady you are talking to so what might you throw away because you didn't even try.
Talk to her more and get a feeling of how she sees herself and if she is happy with the way she is and doesn't want to change in any way then you either have to accept her for who she is but if however, she would love to be fitter and healthier you are the perfect guy to help her become the fantastic butterfly that has a slightly different casing right now but with a little effort she could blossom.
Life is too short to not even try and OK hurt feelings could come into it but if you are decent guy you seem to be who is conscious of not hurting this woman then I think it may just be worth the effort. We are too long dead and who knows this could be the woman of your dreams so don't dismiss her just yet eh! Talk a bit more first.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
P.S. Some on here may call you all sorts but I don't think of you like that but just someone who is being honest and that should never be condemned. From a larger woman to you.
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