A
male
age
51-59,
asilman
writes:long time ago when I was in the Navy I came home on leave and started a short relationship with a really good girl. We had a romantic relationship and then I went back to my ship. I didnt write or anything I dont think and just left it at that. I thought about her sometimes and found out a year later she was married and was having a baby an all that. I ran in to her at home by talking to her on facebook. She tells me she is seeing some guy that lives 2 hrs away and she has been seperated from her second husband for about a year. I talked to her twice while I was home and when I got back to Pa we started talking on the phone. She asked me to come on a floattrip with her a few weeks down the road. I still have feelings for her so I say yes and buy a ticket. Turns out she got the weekends mixed up and it was the weekend after and I couldnt change the ticket. So she goes ahead and buys me another ticket and Ill go both weekends. I come and stay at her house from thursday till monday that Saturday we go out and have to much to drink and have sex that night. And we do it again the next night she takes me to the airport and kisses me goodbye. Im haveing all these feelings running through me and so I tell her how I feel. well that was the end of that so I didnt come that weekend. She gets drunk and calls me at 3 in the morning and tells me she Loves me and she wants me with her and a bunch of other stuff. Then the next day she totally changes her toon and does a 180 on me and says she is sorry and she was drunk and she wants to see where this other relationship is going. I am moving back to my hometown soon and Im not sure how to handle this situation. I do care for her but I dont want to be at her becon call and I know its not the right thing for me to do. What would anyone do in this situation. Is it convenience on her part or mine.12345 -- Rate this answer
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2010): ALCOHOL = FAKE FEELINGS (sometimes very real feelings)
i understand the fact that you like her and everything but you see , i think you should just give it some space and look for another girl , that because she is already in a relationship so put your self in the other guys shoes you know :/ .
A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (9 September 2010):
Hi there. It sounds like she's a bit mixed up. She's separated from her second husband and seeing another guy who lives 2 hrs away. Plus she's hooked up with you as well.
She doesn't seem to know what she wants at the moment.
It's possible that she still has had feelings for you all this time.
Because she was already seeing this other man before you met up with each other again, out of respect give her the space to give that relationship a fair go. She has said she wanted to see where that relationship was going. It would be best to let her do that.
Don't forget when you did have sex, you had both been drinking at the time. Otherwise, you probably wouldn't have let it go that far.
For now just give her space and see what happens over time. If you are meant to be together in the end, you will be. Only time will tell. You can't force it to happen.
Don't text or call her. If she calls you or texts you, just be friendly but keep it short and also let her know that you are getting on with your own life. But don't be sarcastic or angry, just be respectful.
In the meantime, make your own life as interesting and exciting as it can be. Go out with your friends and have fun. Don't live every day of your life hoping that you and her will be a couple again. It might happen, it might not. Don't gamble on it though. Just be happy and make your own life more meaningful. Who knows, you might even meet someone else!
Hope this helps you. Take care and best wishes.
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A
male
reader, skates89us +, writes (9 September 2010):
Id be very careful my friend. She has already made it known that she wants to see where the other relationship is going and she definitely has issues with the fact that she claims her judgment was affected by the drinking. If I where you Id continue dating others and pretty much forget this unless she comes around and says she wont be seeing that person anylonger. Otherwise you run the risk of being in a 1 way relationship
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A
male
reader, slightlyconfusedhusband +, writes (8 September 2010):
It sounds like she is how my wife of 8 years was. It sounds like she is scared of another bad relationship and being hurt again. You have 2 options that I know of, the second one worked for me after the first failed. People tend to work off of raw emotion when they are drunk in my experience so she was likely telling you the truth and loves you.
1. Actively pursue her.
2. Talk to her and tell her how you feel, be openly angry with her about how she is treating you, you need to be a dickhead. This last part is the hardest: Tell her that whenever she wants to quit acting like a retard to give you a call, but not before she is ready to stop jerking you around. Do not be nice about this. don't post on her facebook, don't call her. DO NOT TRY TO BE FRIENDS. Let her come to you.
She will either get in contact with you or not. It may take days, it may take weeks, possibly even months (it was 3 months with my wife). Being Mr nice guy will only reward you with a friendship where you wish you had more.
This is the important part, if she does contact you, do not go out drinking with her. Go somewhere other than a bar or party. Make it romantic, and if the opportunity happens for a kiss, go for it, however right before you kiss her (after the lean in) tell her she had better not do it unless she means it this time. This makes her consciously decide that she is in this fully, rather than something she can throw excuses out about later.
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