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It was his Ex who caused all these problems. Yet even though he knows that he blames me. What should I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Long distance, Online dating, The ex-factor, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 August 2012) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 August 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend of over a year has changed lately. He is not now how he used to be.

He was once a lovely and caring boyfriend. Now he is not like he used to be. He started changing his attitude when we had this big fight the night before I was suppose to catch a flight with him back to school the next day with his family.

When we hung up on the phone, I text him saying I am not catching the flight anymore out of anger because he wouldn't listen to why I was upset.

The next morning, he was receiving text message from apparently this person on this text app that said that his my guy friend and he wants to fight with him and his family .

This guy even text on a regular phone to my bf that he was coming his house now.

The text app thing is where a person gets a new number and has been happening for a while now, we tried to find out who it was, stop them from texting us and even asking the company to make them stop but each time, they come back with a new number.

My boyfriend has blamed me many times that it is my fault and it must be my guy friends so I stopped having guy friends because I believe him since that they did end up saying they like me.

But he never changed as much as he did that day when he finally told his parents. At the time he thought that I asked this guy to text him and threaten him so when he told his parents, they thought I just wanted attention and they started to hate me saying I am trying to make their son jealous and that they don't want him to date me.

So in the end even though I explain to my bf that it wasn't my doing, he told me I had to catch another flight because his parents hates me now.

When we came back after two weeks into college, this attitude has been different with me. He started to not care if we don't hang out ( before he used to make a big fuss but now he doesnt even want to walk my to my dorm anymore if its dark outside) He just wasn't himself.

The app came back again two days ago and we found out that it was his ex and her friends creating problems.

I was furious because it ended up not to be my fault.

One of them hack my number and pretended to be me, flirting with these guys. Now that he found out , he still mad at me and tells me to do something about it.

I got so mad because it's his ex and her friends so he should have apologize and get rid of her not me. I feel like this problem has changed both of us and I don't know whether its my fault and I should stick it out with him or just move on because not only is he being different, he doesn't show me any respect anymore.

View related questions: flirt, his ex, jealous, move on, text

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012):

Sounds like he and his ex are still together. there's a reason he's keeping you away from family and friends.

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A female reader, Abella United States +, writes (27 August 2012):

Abella agony auntI think he is looking for excused TO BLAME you.

And the timing of when this started happening to you makes me wonder if he and his ex were complicit together in this. He may have said a throw away line. She could have picked up on it.

If he does not trust you and will not believe you and he will not explain to his family how unjustly you have been maligned by the actions of his ex then is he really worth the trouble?

He has not stood up for you.

He has not believed you

He has not trusted you

He has not defended you.

He is not acting like the sort of person you would want standing beside you in a storm, is he?

None of what happened was your fault. And still he has not the grace to act honourably and ensure that everyone knows that you did NOTHING WRONG at all.

If he cannot treat you with respect then I think it is time to say goodbye to him. His ex is a malicious childish identity thief. He is completely without backbone to not champion you - instead he believes everyone else BUT you.

Move on from him and find a more loyal genuine boyfriend with backbonem who understands the word HONORABLE.

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