A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this is complicated. My ex bf and I had a fight and he left. This has happened a few times. This time I told him I was seeing someone else(I lied) because I didnt want him thinking that he could leave whenever things got tough and Id be right there waiting for him to come back all the time. I seriously love him with all of my heart, but I needed to break this pattern. I have always stuck it out and I feel I deserve the same in return. My friend told me that I gave my ex the easy way out because now I gave him a reason to blame me, rather than looking at his own faults. I was screaming and yelling at him that love doesnt wait for him. (It was 2 months since we broke up then he tries to get me back)I wanted him to feel like I felt when he walked away 2 months ago. I know playing games isnt the answer, but I guess I was trying to teach him a lesson. I told him you cant just leave and work it out later and thats what hes been doing. Each time he left was a little longer than the last. It kills me inside and breaks my heart. So, now I am protecting myself, but Im afraid that he will never talk to me again. Does anyone understand what I am saying? Thanks alot...
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSO, SO TRUE!!! And Im not getting any younger.. A friend of mine said, now we just have to find a man for you to see...LOL. No, I am by no means off the market. I did revolve too much of my life around him, my mistake...but he didnt have to take advantage of it either!!He ran with it and now Im running away from it, I guess you could say..
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey hon, already thought of that... Couple dates.... that's all there was to it. I guess you can say I didn't mean to lie... He just so happened to call when my friend Jim was here and my friend Jim said he probably did a drive by and saw a truck here. I asked my ex if he called cuz he saw a truck in the driveway, and he got all upset and said if you're seeing someone else, then have a nice life... I said ok, I will, bye.. Have a nice day!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): I understand whay you are saying. But why not actually start dating some other men. Commitment is a process, and women and men look at it differently. We tend to fall into the girlfriend trap, and we are too old to be a girlfriend...what that does is make you take yourself off the market for a man who has not actually stepped up and claimed you as the ONE he wants to be with forever.
In a man's mind he is simply still dating you up and until marriage is on the table and a ring is on your finger. What we women do is get off of our life's path which is our wish for happy ever after commited relationship and follow a man around in his confusion, and stop focusing on ourselves and what we want and need to be happy ever after...sometimes when you actually do start dating other men and putting yourself first and not making yourself available at the drop of a hat, the man realizes that he risks losing you forever if he doesn't pay attention....and step up to claim you.
So I think you did a brave thing, now I actually hope you will go out and date someone else. Tell him without anger that you understand he can take as long as he wants to decide about you, but while he is deciding he can't have you all to himself....and that you will be dating others.
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 If he does make the effort then you can always tell him that you only saw the other guy a couple of times but your heart wasn't in it... so you finished it! (winks).
~Eve~
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThan you, thank you EVE. I can't tell you how much better it makes me feel having two people understand why I did what I did. I second guessed myself because I have NEVER lied to him before... and I am a good, decent person that feels guilty for being deceptive. Thanks again!!!
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female
reader, AskEve +, writes (2 April 2009):
I can totally understand why you did what you did and hopefully this will be the kick up the backside he needs to make him really THINK about your relationship. If he really cares for you and has some backbone then he'll fight to keep you. He'll go out of his way to talk to you either by phone, text, email or even to come round. He needs to recognise the fact that it takes TWO people to make a successful relationship and when problems arise, they need to be worked out... TOGETHER!
If he does decide on the easy option and you don't hear from him again or that he blames you rather than looking at his own faults then he really isn't mature enough to have a relationship anyway and you're better off letting him go and moving on. I hope it works out for you.
~Eve~
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou, you gave me an answer that makes total sense and I appreciate you saying that I was brave even though I dont feel brave. It was a very hard thing to do. Thanks again.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (2 April 2009):
 I definitely know what you are doing and you did a brave thing. I think it was probably for the best that he believes you arent gonna keep waiting on him anymore. Yes, it might backfire on you and instead of him fixing his problems he might just move on. But, if he does he will just screw that up too. But if he really loves you he will try and figure something out.
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