A
male
age
30-35,
*aceyMcFace
writes:Basically i don't know who i want to be with. it's pretty much i want girl2 but i'm happy with girl1. Me and girl1 are in a great relationship. I do actually love her. I see her like 3 times a week and we always have fun if we go out or just watch tv. She's an incredible girl and she makes me really happy. She's a greeat girlfriend and us as a couple works. The problem is i want girl2. She's an ex that i was mad about. I was painfully and powerfully in love with her and i kinda still am. We spent the most magic nights together and they were honestly the best nights of my life. By the way by magic nights idon't mean hot sex i mean just holding each other for hours. We never had sex it weren't about that we just held each other and stared into each others eyes and i honestly felt like i didn't ever want to let go. The problem being she let go of me. So i thought i'd move on by finding girl1. I decided i really liked girl1 and i didn't want girl2 to ruin it because i knew if she tried she could. Not that she woul try just like she likes to see me as a friend now and again and i worry if i do taht we might just have another magic night which i don't want. Even though i crave it. It's kinda like an addiction it's all i want even though i know it's not good for me. So about 3 months ago i just cut girl2 out of my life. Deleted her msn, her phone number and just tried to avoid her at all costs. I just hate it cos since i've done this there hasn't been an hour that i haven't thought about girl2. She's just always in my head and i'm pretty sure i've dreamt about her every night aswell. I've seen her once since when i drove past her walking home and it just broke me in half. I just laid on my bed for hours just thinking about her. Since i cut her out she's tried to phone me and texted me saying she misses me cos we haven't talked in ages which just makes me even sadder. The whole things just making me depressed. I mean the only time i'm happy is when i'm with girl1 but i can't be with her all the time. I still think of girl2 when i'm with girl1 but it's not in a sad depressed way cos i'm happy that i'm with girl1. Another problem is they are in like the same circles so my girl1 mentions girl2 sometimes and i can't exactly say let's not mention her cos i'm tryin to get over her. Wwell that's it really i'm trying to get over her. I've been trying for like a year but whatever i do nothing works. I really don't want to break up with girl1 cos no-one makes me as happy as she does and i do actually love her. It'd be the perfect relationship if it weren't for girl2 cos everything just goes right with her. And i don't want to be with girl2 i just want her gone but it's really hard. How can you forget about someone when she's the only thing you think about. I get bored for 2 seconds and she jsut appears in my mind. It's just so annoying and really angers me. When i'm alone all i want to do is either break something or cry depending on the day. There's only one person that knows all this which is a great friend of mine but also the best friend of girl2 which complicates things but i still tell her everything. She knows what's best for me and constantly tells me i'm doing the right thing by not talking to girl2 and i know i'm doing the right thing in trying to get over her because even when we were friendsshe made my life miserable by just being there. Now she's making it miserable by not being there. It's proper like that U2 song with or without you. Which reminds me that i used to be into really happy and kinda cheesy songs but now i just get annoyed with them and feel more compfatable with songs about true love and the like. I hate watching films or programmes about true love cos it just reminds me of girl2. It's terrible when girl1 makes me watch them kind of films with her cos i know she's not my true love even if i do love her to bits. And i've considered breaking up with girl1 and just keeping her as a really close friend but i'm scared if i do that she won't agree cos she feels too strongly about me and it'd be hell for her. I care about her too much to do that to her. I can't say i don't want go out with you anymore but do you fancy being best friends cos i actually want a relationship with her even though i'm in love with girl2. I mean when people say love hurts i had no idea it'd be like this. I's really torture. God i miss this girl too much. I hate feeling this way i just want to be happy with the girl i've got cos i'm really lucky to be with this girl. I feel so guilty that i don't love her the way she loves me and that i love someone else more. It really hurts me but i can't do anything until these feelings for girl2 go away. I just don't know if they ever will. They're too strong and after 3 months i still feel exactly the same and think about her all the time. Sorry if i've been a bit repetitive but it's making me feel better writing about all this. Like letting it out for the first time in a while. Anyway i just need guidance really on what to do. Well ot what to do cos i know what to do i jsut need help in doing it and maybe some advice on getting rid of the pain and the guilt.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ISOHaven  +, writes (5 March 2009):
It seems to me your heart wants both. But you can't have both and your heart will never decide. Time to turn off your heart and turn on your brain.
List all the things you want from a relationship. Who matches the most of them? Who is MORE RIGHT for YOU? Don't think about loyalty. In the end this is about YOU. What is right for YOU. No matter what you are going to break a heart. Just make sure you spare the right one.
Is your ex an ex for a reason? That's something to concider as well. Why did she break it off with you? Have those issues been resolved? For good!?
It's a very hard choice to make. I know, I've been there. But in the end, the more time and thought you put into it, the more certain you will be about having made the right choice and the happier you will BOTH be.
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