A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I will never know the answer to this but I just wanted to see if anyone could share any light or have any thoughts on this situation….My husband and I recently went abroad to his home country. He has some family there plus a few friends.We go once a year, every year, for a couple of weeks. We are also godparents to his friends 6 year old daughter and have always had a great relationship with them- my husband has known them for over 30 years and me 20.They always invited us over to their home- for dinner or drinks etc … and in turn we took them out too. *Just to note we never just turned up unexpectedly- we always waited for an invite* Everything was going fine during the first week… It was then their daughters birthday and we were invited to the party.When we arrived I had gifts for my goddaughter and some desserts that needed to go in the fridge. As we arrived her husband was setting up tables and chairs on their front lawn as we’d be celebrating outside as their house was too small to fit everyone in (their families were all coming over). I told him the desserts needed to go in the fridge and asked if I should take them in and he took them off me and told us to make ourselves comfortable outside, whilst he went in.After the party his daughter wanted to take me in the house to show me her presents but her mum told her it was late and she could show me another time.A couple of days later her mum asked me if it was ok if I was to pick her daughter up and take her for a walk that evening as she and her husband were busy and the kid wanted to spend time with us.We arrived to pick her up at home and they were alloutside waiting for us.When we took her back home around 9pm again they were waiting outside their house…. Goddaughter wanted us to go in to see her toys and her once again said no as it was too late. We weren’t invite in on either occasions. I kind of got the feeling they didn’t want us in their house. My husband picked up on it too..The following day we met up again in the evening for a walk but this time her dad told us to meet them in a different location and not to go to their house, which was odd as our hotel was 5 minutes from them but the other place was much further away. We had also invited them out with us a couple of times , during our last week, which they declined saying they were busy and we didn’t even hang out on our last evening to say goodbye. The last week was just so odd. It was like they couldn’t be bothered with us and we have no idea why. The first week was absolutely fine. We cannot figure out why the sudden change…They weren’t having any work to the house, they weren’t concerned about covid, no one was unwell, we didn’t do or say anything (as far as we are aware) to offend them ….Also I doubt their house was a mess that they didn’t want us to see as we’ve see it messy before.Thoughts?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2023): To the anonymous female who mentioned the red carpet: Your response is quite surprising! The original poster simply asked for advice regarding their friend's sudden change in behavior and its potential impact on their friendship!
OP, it's challenging to determine the exact reason behind your friend's sudden change in behavior towards you. However, there could be various factors contributing to their actions. It's possible that they were dealing with personal issues or had other commitments that they didn't feel comfortable sharing with you. Additionally, the stress of hosting and entertaining guests during the birthday party might have overwhelmed them, which could explain why they didn't invite you into their home.
Another possibility is that their behavior shift could be related to the cleanliness of their house. Perhaps they were embarrassed about the state of their home and didn't want you to see it. Although you mentioned having seen their house messy before, it's possible that they still didn't feel comfortable having you over. I've experienced similar situations in the past.
To gain a better understanding of their behavior, it might be best to wait until your next visit. Sometimes, it's easier to observe and assess the situation in person rather than speculating or making assumptions. Use your next visit as an opportunity to gauge their behavior and see if there are any noticeable changes or patterns that can provide more insight into the situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2023): I don’t think you are being paranoid or overthink at all. They definitely don’t seem to want you in their house but why is anybody’s guess…
It’s also odd that they didn’t want to hang out with you either…
Could be a number of reasons…
Maybe they didn’t want you there as you would distract the child & they wouldn’t go to bed or eat or take a bath etc… I only say this because my friend wouldn’t let anyone in her hose at these times as her son would play up & not do as he was told.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2023): Seems to me that you wanted them to make a big fuss of you as if the Royal Family had arrived and the red carpet should be rolled out. These people are supposedly close to you and friends, they should not need to make a big fuss of you nor you them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2023): My thoughts are that you're being paranoid and making a huge deal out of nothing.
If you had offended them then they wouldn't have asked you to take their daughter for a walk etc.
I suspect there is something between them, for instance, maybe they are splitting up and didn't want you to know yet. There could be boxes/bags/a spare bed made up etc that you might have seen. Who knows? To be honest though I really think you're making something tiny into a major deal here.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2023): There certanly WAS something they didn't want you to see.
What it could have been, is anybody's guess.
Maybe they had some damage they didn't want you to see. Or maybe they invisted a lot of money and they didn't want you to know that, if they were complaining that the money was tight and exected you to open your wallet.
Who knows.
I can tell you that in teh past three years, my husband and I have been ill and we can't manage to fionish some repairs. Or small appartment is not dirty or anything, but it is not guest-friendly. I am comfortable only seeing people I am REALLY close with. Maybe they feel the need to impress you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2023): I can only thing this.... some people are very orientated towards close family that they see often and when they are there everyone else becomes unimportant. I've had this happen to me and my husband quite a few times. Some people have been quick to want to visit us and be with us when all their family are too busy for them, or when they want something, but when their family are available or they have a lot of fun going on we became superfluous and unwanted, which is selfish and rude, so we don't bother with such people anymore.
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