A
male
age
36-40,
*b11
writes:Girlfriend of 11months.. stilll close friends with her past flings and guy friend who she had a drunk one night stand with.. Disgusts me.. To know that she is still friends with people who have seen her nude.. who she has blown or been humped by..I want a future with her.. but she being in touch with them makes me quesy..She said she' ll stop.. and has cut contact... but when we fight.. throws it at my face.. that she cut off people from her life... cut off her close friend because of me..(but she got drunk just some months before we met and she was depressed and lonely and drunk and caught him.... and went back to being friends the next day onwards)..Why the need to keep past flings or a friend who you had a drunk one nighter with around when you have a bf? She doesnt regret any of her past...and she never would regret it.. Would you marry a girl or even be in a relationship with a girl.. who is still in touch with her past flings and one night stand close friends?? Or someone who cut tem off.. but every time there is an argument..u get to hear that she made changes in her lifestyle and changed people and isnt happy about it one bit... but did it for me.. ( i never asked her to.. i just asked her not to mention them before me.. as she has mentioned too many details of how it happened.. where.. when.. wha app before.. or after they were done.. everything..so get pissed even hearing their name.. as a show reel runs in my head .. so i ask her not to mention them...).. And she tells me she cut them off..changed the people.. but isnt happy about it at all.. would you want a future with some one like this?
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female
reader, matureflowerx  +, writes (25 April 2011):
 Sorry I misunderstood the situation. No I do not keep daily contact with my ex's but I am friends with them still. I would never meet up with them for coffee as an example. If I happen to bump into them I will have a conversation with them or perhaps call on birthdays or xmas etc but that is all.
It is very unfair for her to expect you to be friend with these people she has had flings with. I personally have never had intimate relations with anyone I haven't been in a commited loving relationship. I also agree with you she should not be in constant contact with them and to text them when she is with you is highly disrespectful.
What does she say when you discuss this with her? Does she understand that she is being innapropriate.
Giving oral sex to get over depression is very immature and a terrible way to deal with her problems. Has she received any help for her problems?
I still believe you should break up with her she doesn't respect you enough to behave appropriately and distance herself from people who obviously used her.
A
male
reader, sb11 +, writes (25 April 2011):
sb11 is verified as being by the original poster of the question@matureflowerx... you keep daily contact with people you have hooked up and had sex with???Or if they text you while you are with your boyfriend..making out.. you reply them back promptly?Or when you are emotionally low you contact them instead of your current boyfriend? I never asked her to cut anyone.. she did it.. i didnt even know about it.. but when we fought.. she mentioned that she did so mch for me.. etc etc... and still does it... till date... I have no issues with drinking.. smoking.. partying... Its just that at a party.. while smoking n drinking.. she over did it and a close friend came by and she caught him and started off... and so i wonder if she really knows her limits... at another place.. i was with her.. recently.. she had too much to drink and started throwing up... thats why i find it weird..And she had been pressurizing me into being friends with him... why would i wanna be friends with someone who has humped my girl before when she was drunk?One of her past flings.. who she dated and got physical with just to get over an ex who she was dumped by after 2yrs of dating.. is from my work field.. and she also asked me once to work there.. Knowing that she has told me.. that she and him got it going at His work place... She wanted me to work at the place where she got humped by someone else... and would call mefor a party to another persons house.. where she got humped by that same person... Isnt it a bit insensitive to ask all this from your boyfriend??Now when i ask her.. why se did all that.. she just says.. i didnt think you were emotionally into me..so i said all that... wow...till 6 months of us together...she thought i wasnt emotionally into her.. and so wanted me to be around people who she humped so that even she could be around them... wanted me to be their friend as well.. Now.. isnt this weird or disgusting?? Would you guys out there be friends with people who have had random sex wih your girl that you are serious about? Would you work with guys who your girl has given head to ... just to get over her depression?? Would you marry her and want to hear how she cut off those people for you every time ou fight?Does anyone experience this?
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A
female
reader, matureflowerx +, writes (25 April 2011):
I don't think you should be with this girl she has different values from you. I am in contact with my ex's because they meant a lot to me at different times in my life and I would never cut them out for anyone. If your girlfriend disgusts you why are you with her? You seem very uptight and unforgiving and for someone who admits to having a past why can't you forget hers? Forget her you should both move on and find suitable partners. My advice would be to be less judgemental you speak about your girlfriend with contempt and repulsion she doesn't deserve that she has done nothing wrong. You should find someone who is happy to stay home every night and not drink and not have male friends? Maybe keep her away from her family too. You sound like a control freak you have the problem not her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2011): He's baaaaack!pboy87...you obviously don't want advice.You have posted over 15 posts about this woman and you've gotten consistent advice that you need to speak to her personally about these issues and decide whether or not these are make or break issues for you.Still, you continue to come back to this site on a weekly basis after you feel insecure over some middling thing she did or some petty disagreement you had.Honestly, she might be partly to blame for the problems, but your apporach to your problems isn't working. No advice is going to be of any use to you if you don't decided to take it.If she's so "disgusting", please dump her and save yourself and the rest of us aunts some time of providing unappreciated advice.
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A
male
reader, Jamen Somasu  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 Dude, hell no! Are you crazy?
Those "contacts" are not friends of hers...those are "friends with benefits". Basically, while you work, she might feel lonely and call one of her friends for sex in your bedroom.
And no, I am not kidding. I am being for real.
If anything, I have to question how you have lasted almost a year with her. If you don't mind having another man poke his finger in her, go for it I gues...
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A
male
reader, DECENEU  +, writes (24 April 2011):
pboy87(if that is who u are) just dump her, you have issues with her past from the begining. It's not gona get better.
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A
male
reader, sb11 +, writes (24 April 2011):
sb11 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for replying... janniepeg.. I started dating her... and after more than a month..she started opening up... and telling me about her past.. and then the details of what she did kept increasing till around 5 months.. and then that was it..
I have a past myself.. though never with alcohol.. or never a close friend... im not a party person or alcohol person..n never overdo the alcohol. she overdid it once.. and ended up with that friend..
and then continued being best budds..
Im not even in constant touch with my exes..or people iv hooked up with...yes i do get online chats from them at times..and i do reply... and one was from another country... went to meet her when she had come.. but not daily or few times a week contact..
once a month or lesser..
So its weird when someone is so close to people who she has had a drunk night stand or a casual fling with ( a rebound after her ex dumped her).. or dated in college for a few days and got physical with..
I mean.. why the need to keep them close.. and would you spend the future with someone who is in touch with past sex mates(no love involved..just sex mates or friends) ..
or with someone who has cut them.. but constantly keeps reminding you of the sacrifice.. though it wasnt even asked for.. She did it of her own free will.. and then later says.. she did it to boost my ego.. and she isnt happy one bit about it..
I didnt force her... or tell her..them or me.. but still i get this.. that she isnt happy coz she sacrificed her friends..
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 April 2011):
 No I won't not because of who's right or wrong but different personality clashes. I just won't date anyone who's a partier. Period. If there is compromise people should be happy about their decision and not do it just to please the other. Your girl sounds like she resents this change. She is thinking she is doing this for you, what are you going to do for her? I agree that partying is an unhealthy lifestyle. I am sure people know how alcohol damages the liver, impairs judgment and how sleep deprivation affects the next day. It's their choice. They choose to fit in rather than take care of themselves. Would you want a future with a girl who does this to her body?
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A
male
reader, adush +, writes (24 April 2011):
Why are u killing yourself over this girl? She seems a bit too liberal for you... If she doesn't think anything about it now, then what about after you get married? What if she continues like this? She doesn't seem sincere in wanting to change at all.. Doesn't seem to me that this is going to end happily for u..
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