A
female
age
,
*SEDUP
writes:My husband cheats on me with porn and innapropriate letters and pictures from women he knows. We have been married for six years.He actually slept with one of the women maybe two. My husband has gotten caught 3 times. In other words, that is all I actually know about. He does not lie after he is caught but that does not make it any better. He always says how much he loves me, he knows he has a problem. He claims he will get help, he will stop..... The first time was less than a year after our marriage with a girl 25 years his junior. The second time was the exchange of letters with graphic intimate details to a girl at our church. She was also very young (married) in her twenties. He is a PASTOR of all things. He preys on these young dumb women. The third was a month ago with his former church secretary. I had my suspicions but every time I asked him he swore I was just paranoid and he was doing nothing. She was sending him porno shots of herself over her phone. They were very very graphic and nasty. I caught them and have every single shot she sent. I want to publish them just to get him and her back and send them to all the church members...but as a women of dignity and respect for myself I will not. It is hard not to though. I did not leave....but I should have. Each time he says he will get help. He never does or not long enough for it to make a difference. He is a porn addict also. I should have left the first time it happened. I thought he would change and he has not.In addition to that his son who is bi polar schizophrenic has threatened to kill me and my son on two occasions.He graphically described cutting me up into pieces and then "poddying" on my body. He then said he would stick my son back up my ____ well you fill it in. He is a spoiled and wicked 18 year old who lives now with his mother. I refuse to go and visit my husband when he is around. Last week he stayed with his father during the holidays even after my husband promised I would never have to stay in the same house with him ever again. He broke his promise to me and I stayed away from them for the entire week.Why do you stay....you must be asking yourself by now.I am trying to wait for 3.5 more years until my son graduates from high school. At that point, I plan on selling my home, downsizing and leaving him for good. Right now I need his medical benefits from his job.Staying married to him will allow me to save up a lot of money so that when I leave him in 3 years I will be more financially stable and able to carry on the lifestyle I am living at now. He is living in another city and I only see him every two weeks because of a job transfer. That makes it a little easier on me. We do not have sex and because of this stress I have gained 40 lbs. that I need to despretly loose.So in other words, I am using him too. That is the only reason I am staying right now.Well my guestion is....should I stick it out and just stay married for the financialy reasons. He has made an appt. with a counselor for therepy that he claims will begin next week. I am at the point now where even if he did change my feelings of love are just not the same. I don't trust him and I can't stand for him to touch me.I feel betrayed and I don't smile when I think of him or see him. Would you stay or just get the divorce now instead of waiting 3 years? I really want some concrete advice.
View related questions:
divorce, money, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, happy24birthday +, writes (2 December 2008):
 First off don't get too consumed by others wondering why you stay. It's your relationship and your experience that nobody else can fully understand. From someone who is in an unhappy marriage herself my advice is to leave now. I think you will be so much happier and will be able to focus on other things such as losing weight. I know that you have thought about everything, such as where you will go, where your son will have to go to school, etc. The best scenario would be that your son stay in the same school he's in now. I don't think that the divorce itself will have a negative impact on him, but changing schools at his age could. Again, I emphasize to leave now. I understand your reasons but worry about what could change for the worse during your 3-year plan. And I so understand the love being gone. I'm there myself, too. For the third time, if you can work it now, leave.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2008): Run as fast as you can, this is madness to hang about and wait, you are being treated like dirt get out as soon as possible. I wish all the best x
...............................
A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (2 December 2008):
 Let me get this straight...he's cheating on you, his son has threatened your life and YOUR CHILD'S LIFE, and you have stayed with him only so that later you can "carry on the lifestyle you are living at now?" I don't think waiting for your finances to be more ideal is a good reason to stay in this relationship. For your welfare and your son's, I'd get clear of this guy as soon as you possibly can. Good luck =]
...............................
|
