A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently split up with my boyfriend because I found him on a dating site and even when I confronted him he said it wasn't him and even blamed me for setting it up. Well he wasn't very nice to me, very paranoid, jealous and angry a lot. I decided to go on this dating site and started seeing someone else within 4 days, I know that's quite bad and it hurt my ex a lot but like I said he was vile to me. This man I'm now seeing takes me places, he's really kind and we have fun together but on the dating site it clearly says he isn't looking for anything serious, he rarely kisses me or hugs me but we do have sex. He doesn't really text me or ring me either. Even though my ex was horrible I'm really missing the good attention that he used to give me, even kissing him gave me these crazy feelings, he was always hugging me, texting and ringing me. He made me feel really attractive and he gave me loads of compliments. When we had sex I just can't explain how good it was. He is a very funny, charming and interesting person when he's not bein crazy jealous. I know I'm quite pathetic for even missing a man who would accuse me of cheating everyday. But I don't know what to do to stop thinking about him. I know that he would come back to me if I asked and I'm contemplating asking him. Would you put up with a jealous man just so you could get the other nice things back?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Staceily  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Okay you are downplaying your ex's flaws and overromanticizing the relationship. The fact is he isn't a jealous guy but perfect in every other way. He is jealous, mean, paranoid, angry, and unfaithful. Why you would want to go back to that for the compliments and good sex I don't know... You asked if we would, I know I wouldn't. Being unfaithful would be the clincher for me. But you need to also dump the new guy. He is so bad he is making your awful ex seem great! You are being used for sex, he won't kiss you or cuddle with you, he is making you feel like trash.
So my suggestion, dump the current guy. Forget the ex boyfriend. Be out on your own for awhile. You seem to have issues with being alone, you jump from one relationship to the other without ever being alone in between. You will keep settling for less than desirable men if you keep at it. Work on yourself and be alone for a couple months, then meet someone brand new that isn't a jealous cheater or a man whore.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2012): Your ex's problem isn't jealousy, the real problem sounds like he isn't faithful. How happy can you be with someone who is always looking around for someone better? Only you can answer that.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 October 2012):
 Wait a minute, the real problem here is not his jealousy.
Yeah, maybe I would go back to a charming funny interesting attentive guy who's also good in bed ,with the only flaw of being jealous. Maybe we could work together on this issue... maybe with time and patience I could teach him to trust me...
BUT, you did not break up because he is jealous, you broke uo because you found HIM, the jealous guy, on a dating site ! And he lied about it, he did not even have the good grace, or the intelligence to say, Ok, I am busted, it was just curiosity... the thrill of transgression... no, he said " it wasn't me ! ".
Now, why would he be on a dating site, if he weren't looking for greener pastures ?...
You sound like someone who appreciates stability and emotional security, you can't have that with someone who is a secret visitor of dating sites- wouldn't you always feel like the other shoe is going to drop any minute , now ?
Maybe that's exactly why he is so jealous- he knows what he would be capable of doing and thinks also everybody else is like himself...
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (23 October 2012):
 HI
No I certainly would not. You will find this in another man again one day, but without all the drama that went with it. You will only regret going back with him . If he is like that now it could get even worse if your relationship progressed. I agree you dating after 4 days is way too soon, but understand your need for effection. Personally I would take time out for yourself, re-evaluate what you expect from your man in a relationship, and if there are way more negative's than positive's you know that ,that person is not for you. Don't just settle with someone for the sake of a s**g be with a man who will love you and respect you enough for you to be yourself and not be questioned everytime you walk out the door, or have that little trust that your walking on eggshells.
Good Luck
Mandy x
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