A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok I know this is going to generate negative responses but here goes. My longtime baby daddy just informed me that his 16 yr old is 5 months pregnant. One, I can't shake off that he waited 5 months to tell me and second, I can't help but to feel jealous. I feel insecure that him and his ex are going to be grandparents and have always felt like a 3rd wheel in this relationship or "in the background." plus, I can't imagine him babysitting or anything as he never did that for our child (we do not live together). We have been in a relationship for 13 years and I always wanted to settle down and have more kids, but he didn't. I feel that life has passed me by and now his 16 year old whom I have known since she was a baby is pregnant. Ok so let me have it, what a selfish and horrible person I am. This is really upsetting to me! I know her child is an innocent in this and what is upsetting is she wanted to get pregnant and her mother is so proud!!
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his ex, insecure, jealous Reply to this Question
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (26 October 2012):
I dont think you sound selfish or anything like it. I think you are (very rightly so) upset that he has not committed properly to you. I would discuss this frankly with him. good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to everyone who responded. Your answers fueled my pity party for myself. I can't understand why I am feeling so depressed over this. I can't stop tearing up when I start thinking about it, maybe all the repression over the years is being released.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 October 2012):
 I always love questions that start with “I know this is going to generate negative responses” or even better “please don’t flame me”.
If a person knows that it’s a BAD thing, I wonder what they are seeking from us…
IT sounds like this is a totally dysfunctional extended family… you, the baby daddy, the other baby mama and the kids…
You have been with this man as his little something on the side for 13 years… but you know the 16 yr old since she was a baby… YOU wanted to settle down with him and have more kids… YOU wasted all these years of your life even though he was clear that he did not want it with you.
You are young enough to get out and meet a man that meets your needs…
You aren’t selfish or horrible you are misguided and misinformed. You are angry and hurt… but your anger is misplaced. YOU need to be angry with YOURSELF for allowing this go go on with this man for so long…
You are jealous of two parents who are SUCH GOOD PARENTS that they managed to ENCOURAGE their child to get pregnant as a child herself… so not healthy for her or her baby. How sad.
BTW I am very ready to be a grandma... It's a totally different thing than being a parent... trust me.
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A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy +, writes (23 October 2012):
This is a very dysfunctional family. You have allowed yourself to be disrespected and tolerated and even harbored a guy who is really just using you as a convenient sex object. You need to recollect some self esteem and move onto a different phase and hopefully one day meet a guy that treats you with the dignity you deserve.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (23 October 2012):
I'm not going to bash you. Your feelings are very understandable. What puzzles me the most is how they could possibly be happy about their underage daughter getting pregnant. It's not something I would be proud of, if she was my daughter. It's stupid and irresponsible. She hasn't even finished high school and she think she's ready to raise a kid? She's not. Her mom is probably going to end up doing that for her.
As for your relationship, I find it very curious that though he and his ex seem to be happy to welcome a new child into the family, he does not want to have one with you. Their reaction to their daughters pregnancy is just...weird. Good parents would support their child, no matter how stupid and naive they are, but in this case they even applaud that behavior. Makes me think they are the ones wanting that child for themselves, not for their daughter.
In any case I'd have a good talk with your man. Get on his case about him telling you about the pregnancy that late and ask him why the hell he's so happy about his daughter being so naive. She's going to dump the kid on him and his ex. If he says he's happy to take it on, ask him why he couldn't be happy to take you on when you expressed your wishes to have a child with him. You really need to know where you stand because judging from what you've written you truly are the 3rd wheel. And if that's the case, you're better off ending this instead of wasting more years with someone who cannot give you the devotion you deserve.
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